Meditations from the Cardinals' Nest

Feeding the Spirit

2011-08-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

Driving. Multitudes of doves flying up from the sides of the road. Busy working and cleaning. The voice, that staccato tweet, of a red bird. Crowds of buzzing voices. The noise fading and the sound of the rain and a soft, thoughtful guitar filling the senses.

Feeding the spirit

Colors, coolness, and wondrous, terrible sights and sounds. They bring tears that haunt the soul with loveliness; they break the heart with the whisper, the witness of a Beauty that is bigger, sweeter, truer... more than the heart can quite hold just yet.

Feeding the spirit

Stillness. The Bread of Life. The Word, like food, that fills and satisfies. The Word that lives and speaks and breathes.

Feeding the spirit

Catastrophe. Disasters. Pain. Anger and bitterness. Confusion. Wars and rumors of wars. Circumstances that oppress, that are so fragile you can almost see them falling apart before you, that are under a shadow that grows thicker and darker.

The spirit senses that prophecies are being fulfilled, that the End will come, sooner or later.

A call, a reminder, a caution to Feed the spirit - to attend to it with time and care and good, wholesome food. A push, a pressure to minister to the soul - to starve the flesh and feed the soul.

A new glimmer of light and wisdom on sowing to the flesh and reaping corruption, on sowing to the spirit and reaping life. Realizing afresh that every soul will exist forever and will "rise" even as a dead and lifeless being because the spirit was never fed... or "rise" even as one more wholly and fully alive than before because the spirit was fed with rich and powerful food.

Waiting, hoping, longing for the renewing of mind and spirit that brings life. Watching, wary of the longings that limit the focus to this earth, this body that will pass away. Watching, wary of the ways and longings and worries that starve the soul and bring forth the dead, lifeless existence of it.

Thankful for the whisper, the demand, the Word of Love that says, Feed the spirit.

Back to Blogging: Focused Thoughts, Still Meditations

2011-07-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

Any of you still reading can see I haven't been blogging much in the past few months. Rather than trying to give any reasons why, I'll just say, I'm here, and I want to write - focused thoughts and still meditations to calm my mind, pull my thoughts away from circumstances, and capture in words my journey of seeking and being found: stirred and challenged, chastized and changed... LOVED by my King.

My soul doth praise the Lord God, Gracious and Holy.

A mind, a soul, a body can feel as if melting in the oppressive heat of an Alabama summer - thoughts and feeling and lungs can easily believe themselves to be suffocating in the dense air of a humid day... and yet the mind and soul and body do not melt and thoughts and feelings and lungs keep breathing.

Endurance.

It's astonishing how much a body can endure, miraculous how much a Spirit-sustained soul can endure.

And this is the instruction delivered to my mind and heart: endure; be diligent; be deliberate; shun cold/indifferent ways; fight; love; pray; trust. DO NOT drop your sword. DO NOT linger where the lion waits to devour. You, who are easy prey, be alert; watch; stay close to your Father King, your Brother Husband... for His Victory, for yours.

It has stuck in my mind how Eric Ludy* describes our fight for spiritual maturity. It's laying aside weight and excess - spiritual flab - to nuture and focus and build up a lean, muscular soul - a soul that eats and drinks only the truth, that doesn't sit down and rest in the middle of a foggy night.

This soul watches. This soul says, Thy Will be done. This soul says, Come, Lord Jesus - to my heart now, to finish all things in Your own time... but soon.

My soul doth praise the Lord, patient and able to save.

*Christian writer of books like Wrestling Prayer, Bravehearted Gospel, and more.

Full and Hungry

2011-06-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

Dusk. Sitting under a dome of deep blue, seeing the last glow of light in the sky, looking into it, through it, past it. Feeling my soul aware of a Power and Presence beyond the evening, beyond the beauties I saw. Glad to feel my heart touched, moved, ministered to, fed and watered.

Old lyrics coming to mind... "Pardon for sin, and a peace that endureth. Thine Own dear Presence to cheer and to guide. Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow. Blessings all mine with ten thousand beside. Great is Thy Faithfulness..."*

Sweet. Precious to taste the food for my spirit, to drink the cool and refreshing water of life. Wondrous to feel the Spirit allowing me to know hunger and thirst for Him.

Blessed to know that I am "kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation" though "for a season" I find myself "in heaviness through manifold temptations" and trials and sorrows (1 Peter 1: 5-6). Many times of late, these trials and temptations pull me down to earth, distract me, worry me, draw me away. So many things I won't describe here.

But at dusk, in the morning, driving in the glow of sunset, sitting at work, there He Is. I am humbled and thankful to feel my heart being warmed, moved, comforted, and empowered. I rejoice in reading "they that stumbled are girded with strength" and "He will keep the feet of his saints... for by strength shall no man prevail" (1 Samuel 2: 4, 9). I am relieved in knowing by our own strength, we... I... cannot overcome, but He can overcome!

I am glad to feel so full, so stirred and full of His Spirit... and yet so in need, so hungry for more of Him, more strength, more wisdom, more submission to His Will, more love.

...every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Philippians 4: 12-13

*Chrisholm, Thomas Obediah and Runyan, William Marion. "Great Is Thy Faithfulness"

Storms in Alabama

2011-05-08T20:40:00.001-07:00

You may have heard about the severe weather that passed through Alabama and other areas of the deep South the week of April 27th. The storms were strong and destructive; everyone in my area was without power for about a week, and many people lost their homes and all of their earthly possessions.

My daily living is back to "normal" now, as there was not much material damage to my direct community, but many around me are still facing some of the most difficult earthly trials of their lives. Thankfully, many are stepping up to help, and hopefully the gestures each of us makes towards these folks will make a difference and bring them comfort as well as real, practical support.

It stands out to me when people make comments, such as saying "God was with you" when someone explains how they survived the storm and didn't endure much "damage," when the truth is that God is everywhere all the time, with a plan and power to do whatever is best, and He is with His children always!

Over and over, I heard a man say on the radio that these storms were perfect - that they were put together so well, that they were structurally sound and would hold together over long distances. Words like these can inspire fear, since we know what these deadly storms can do, but it's also amazing to think about the way nature works - the nature God created in all His power and glory.

A tornado forms when the atmosphere is struggling - working against itself with hot air and cold air not switching gracefully, usually when cold air is moving in and hot air doesn't gently move along to make way for the cold.

An ongoing characteristic of a human life that is seeking and hoping to live for God is struggle - struggle between two wills - the will of man and the will of God.

Every day in a million situations, in relationships, and even in tiny little actions, this struggle goes on in man's soul as he chooses between God's will and his own. Over and over, by God's grace, we walk up to a crossroads and have to decide which way to go, and that decision can be like the gentle, graceful movement of hot air to cold air - a little bit of wind or a shower maybe - or it can be like the agitated, confused, whirling struggle of a tornado, destroying what's in the way to make way for the new.

I believe God leads us into storms sometimes, spiritual storms - storms in our hearts and minds - to bring us to the place we need to be. Places of stillness, places of awe at His power, places of having lost things that perhaps we were clinging to over vehemently, places of starting over from scratch. Whatever place He brings us to, if we are still and know He is God, if we let go of what is insignificant or distracting, if we lay aside weights that are pulling us down and become more focused on Him, if we stand up and run the race that is before us, trusting Him to provide what we need, we can be sure God was and is with us in a mighty way!

Sometimes, It Is Enough

2011-04-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

In every blade of grass, in every fragrant breeze from a cluster of lilacs, in the yellow shine of every buttercup, in the rays of light from the sun, in the electric light of the storm, in the rich red dirt, in heart-pounding rolls of thunder, in every thing, He is there.

First and last and in between, the most powerful, the truest, the best, He is.

To grasp such ever presence, such sameness, such consistency and continuance is a meditation - a work of belief - a moment of worship.

The Spring is so full of it - so full of Him. The growth, the newness, the beauty. So many things at once as gorgeous, golden day turns to a stormy day of muted greens and blues and grays. He is there in all - waiting, watching, working I think.

There is work to be done, wisdom to gain, faulty steps to straighten, a path to walk, humility and love to show, but sometimes when the earth is glowing or crying and wonders fill every piece of it, to be still and know Him, to walk with Him in worship, deeply appreciating all He has done, is enough I think.

Enough to smell the dirt, to watch the baby things play, to stare in awe at this miracle of colors and new life that has come again.

Enough to say, It's wonderful, my Father Husband, my God; I adore You. Accept my thanks and have mercy on me.

Something in the Air

2011-02-16T20:14:00.000-08:00

There was something in the air this morning... like a cup of the sun I could draw in just by breathing, like a soundless voice of whimsical twittering I could sense without hearing... Just standing and walking in the midst of it, a sparkling loveliness welled up inside me, bubbling through all my senses and right back out to be passed on - to the birds, the trees, and most of all to my Creator who made us all.

There was something in the air tonight when even the darkness and the lateness of the day didn't bring quite the sting of winter that it usually does. The full moon shone its incredible, other-worldly light all over the fields and woods of the Cardinals' Nest, stirring up a glorious light and love and joy in my soul that again seemed to pour back out over the earth and its Creator.

Spring is coming.

It's not here yet, of course. There will still be those spells of cold winds and gray days, the blackberry winters and all those other "winters" of the South all the old folks used to talk about. But, Spring is coming.

A lovely thought! The promise is always there, and it always comes. And to think - this is only a shadow of the eternal Spring awaiting the Bridegroom and His Bride. What a day that will be, that day of days, that blessed Wedding day when all good things will come and every soul will confess the Truth!

Come, Spring! Come, Bridegroom! The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come!"

And the Spirit of God Moved

2011-02-01T14:56:00.000-08:00

And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. Genesis 1:2

That simple phrase has often caught my notice and fascinated the reaching, wondering spirit at my core.

Just trying to imagine, trying to grasp... the Spirit of God moved upon the waters. Nothing existed, not the world we know or the world that will come, not the people or animals or plants or bodies of light. Nothing. But God was there and the waters, and He moved upon the surface of them.

Christ and then His disciple Peter walking on water seems a grand miracle, but this. This was everything at the time.

The Spirit of God moved. The Spirit of God moves, and life, the universe, everything can change. We don't always see it... we usually don't see it - here, blinded by so many things, not living with hearts open to the true realities of the spirit which are not seen but could be 'seen' so much clearer than any particle of what man would jump to name as real.

The Spirit challenged me a while back to live every moment of each day aware, knowing, believing that the Spirit of God has moved in my life. Comprehending that this is real, that it is a gift, that nothing else could claim to be significant in comparison. Trusting that my life - the circumstances that come to it, the people that brush against it, the spirits that infuse it - are in the capable hands of the Spirit of Truth and Goodness, Justice and Mercy. He created it, and He can do anything with it. He has; He will.

A question has often floated through my mind about when and how my life became God's, wondering what my description of my "coming to Jesus" truly is as I read and listen to so many others. Our decisions to take up the cross and follow, to hear what the Spirit says to the churches, to keep His commandments in love and truth are crucial. God will not be mocked; He must be obeyed by His people... and yet, His Decisions to enable us by His grace to find the strength to bear the cross, to plant in our hearts the desire to follow Him, to give us ears that can hear, to create a new spirit that can please Him are the beginning, end, and middle of a Godly life. For it is God which worketh in [us] both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Philippians 2: 13

Introduced to me as a family friend, a Father of all fathers, a gentle lover of children, He enabled my childish belief in Him... belief as a child implicitly believes the caregiver who loves her and whom she loves. As I grew and stumbled, fog darkened my vision at times - the fog of the world, pulling and distracting, the fog of the devil, trying to confuse and steal, the fog of self-will, lying about what is good and satisfying - and yet the light of clarity opened my eyes time after time - the light of God, of Christ, letting me see the truth, working in my heart when I was alone and separate from the world or even fellow believers. In the midst of struggle and affliction, He enrolled me in His school, where I read with David and learned about the Lord's law of justice and mercy, truth and love (see Psalm 119).

We walk through hills and valleys, sometimes side-by-side, sometimes with me rushing this way and that, blindly and stupidly, not listening and not seeking. He lulls me into stillness and silence. The Spirit of God moves upon the face of my soul, bringing coolness and rest like the stillness after a storm, scorching through the waste like a harvester throwing tares in the flames.

He is faithful. He will judge the story of my life, which I cannot always label and define.

His Spirit will move in my heart and mind, finishing the work He started... I trust, I hope, I pray.

Free at Last

2011-01-11T07:35:00.000-08:00

For a long while since I first heard the song "Free at Last"* performed live, I've been meaning to write about it sometime here.

Hearing this song has such a powerful effect on me - it's one of those that rushes right into your heart, not only because of the words, but also because of the tune, the orchestration, and in this case, the way it looks on stage with a full company of singers lifting up their voices together.

As it fits into the musical Big River, it's about a very specific kind of political freedom... but the words are general enough and it's performed by all of the cast in such a way as to push it past that specific idea and onto something more powerful and meaningful for all people.

One lone voice begins singing,
"I wish by golly I could spread my wings and fly,
And let this grounded soul be free for just a little while.
To be like eagles when they ride upon the wind,
And taste the sweetest taste of freedom for my soul."

"Then I'd be free at last, Free at last!
Great God Almighty I'd be free at last!"

He continues singing, now with other voices humming and "ooo"-ing in the background,
"To let my feelings lie, where harm can not come by
And hurt this always hurtin' heart that needs to rest awhile.
I wish by golly I could spread my wings and fly,
And taste the sweetest taste of freedom for my soul."

He repeats the chorus, now with the others - men and women, black and white, all ages - repeating the words "free at last," adding layers of sound and layers of this pleading request,

"Then I'd be free at last, free at last!
Great God Almighty, I'd be free at last!
I'd be free at last, free at last!
Great God Almighty, I'd be free at last!"

I love how this body of people - singers, musicians, and of course the writers and arrangers that prepared the number in the first place - works together to make something that no one of them could make on their own - like the Body of Christ that works together in a way we could not on our own - like the vessel that is a child of God, that "works" only as he or she is enabled by the grace and power of the Holy Spirit of God working within.

In these words, I can hear such a hankering for peace and rest. A grounded soul wants to fly; a hurting heart wants a break from being trampled on. This, I believe, is how our souls often feel - trapped in grounded bodies with ties to the flesh and to the world, hurting from years of trials and struggles.

Jesus promised us life would be full of trials, temptation and suffering - this is even a privilege for us to suffer as our perfect Savior suffered. And even Jesus, who knew all, whose belief and trust in His Father's will can never be surpassed, whose strength and power went beyond a mere human being, harbored a great heaviness in His heart that night in the garden. While on this earth, Jesus grieved; Jesus felt great heaviness over the trials and hardship around Him, for His own sake and the sakes of those He loved. And it is this Jesus who can be touched by our infirmity, who is our advocate with the Father.

It is this Jesus who can give a freedom more real and potent and lasting than any political freedom could ever do, who can break any chain or bond that holds us, and who can prepare us for our present and future in His Kingdom.

It is this Jesus who has already overcome the world!

It is this Jesus whom I pray to know, whom I pray to imitate, whom I pray to be forever changed by!

*"Free at Last," words and music by Roger Miller for the musical Big River, based on Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

It Came in with a Storm

2011-01-01T19:18:00.000-08:00

Here at the Cardinals' Nest, 2011 came in with a storm.

After our days of snow and freezing weather, the temperature rose. With the quick and drastic change came wind and rain and thunder. A New Year's storm.

Listening to the rushing fall of water, hearing the rumbling or clapping thunder, and seeing the world light up for seconds with flashes of lightening, I thought of the great power of our Creator. Storms continue to stir in me a sense of awe and trembling, all the while leading me to exult and rejoice in the mightiness of my Lord and Father!

It seems significant to me that this is the way my year began - with chaos and change, a sense of helpless uneasiness, and the awareness that God is always, beautifully in control! God allows tempests to come, but His steady mercy, help, and love toward His children is in the very heart of those storms, teaching us, changing us, molding us, protecting our souls from harm, and drawing us to His Kingdom.

In John, Jesus speaks to a multitude about God filling the hearts of His children with belief and drawing them to Him. The multitude reacts by walking away - they do not follow because they cannot hear the words of Christ. But Peter and the other disciples react by staying at Jesus' side. The Lord asks them, Will ye also go away? Simon Peter answers saying, Lord, to whom shall we go? thou hast the words of eternal life. And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God. John 6: 67-69

I believe and am sure He is the only way, and without Him, I know all the storms would be too much to bear... I also believe that storms lead the way to change, to newness, like the newness of a New Year. I love thoughts of such newness, of being able to begin again, of being able to turn away from what is past and reach toward the LIFE of Christ, this moment and each day ahead (Philippians 3:13-14).

For all those reaching toward the mark, Godspeed and happy New Year!

A White Christmas

2010-12-27T06:04:00.000-08:00

I was so glad to wake up on the 25th to a white Christmas. We don't have those very often down here in Alabama!

When I first looked out the window, all the world I could see was already covered by a blanket of snow, and the flakes continued to fall, heavily and steadily, straight from the white-clouded sky to the white-covered ground. A peaceful snow: quiet, soft, and solemn. A special gift on a special day. Watching it gave me such a calm sense of joy and peace that God is in control and everything is going to be okay... especially since the coming of His Son that we choose to celebrate at Christmas time!

Later in the day and in the days since, the snow has sometimes come ferociously, swirling about on the wind, seemingly going all directions at once. As the snow fell on our land here at the Cardinals' Nest - sometimes with calm and gentility, sometimes with gusts and turbulence - so our lives happen. Many different phases, stirring up many different emotions in our hearts, but always, God's presence is everywhere, moving, working, and preparing His Kingdom. Always, God is with us.

Emmanuel! God is with us! It is a blessed assurance to have as this year draws its way to an end, and a new year begins that will probably bring many blessings to enjoy and many trials and temptations to face. Emmanuel! God is with us!

His Coming

2010-12-24T14:36:00.000-08:00

Outside on this brisk, but unusually warm December day, I heard the familiar chirp of red birds, saw little sparrows flitting around looking for seeds, and heard the sweet and special coo and wing-rustling of doves.

Today, God reminded me of His gifts to us - His strength, His beautiful creatures, His mercy, and His love. All these things - manifest most amazingly in the person of Jesus Christ - are what we celebrate at this solemn and wonderful time of year. This year, a friend and my own experience has reminded me of how we often forget to feel reverence and awe when we think of Christ's birth. It is one of the most amazing and world-changing events that has ever occurred - a precious time for God's people and probably a solemn time for those who knew the suffering and sorrow that must come to bring about the everlasting joy God wanted to give to His children.

Days and times of year that we set aside as special for some reason can make people aware of sad things that happened near that time or make hardships seem more unbearable, and as always, the devil takes any opportunity to buffet we who wish we would not be buffeted but rather wish we would stand firm for our Lord... But this is why celebrating Jesus' birth is so wonderfully important. Without His birth, life, death, and resurrection, there would be no hope and no real joy in the world. But with these events, we can sing:

"Joy to the world! The Lord has come!"

I hope and pray those of us who claim Him as our sweet and precious Lord live a life of gratitude and love and service to Him!

Times are getting harder and harder. The devil is working with an evil will and with his power, and many happenings remind us that we are living in the end times and that this life must surely be over soon. This is what draws my mind and my heart toward the second time Christ will come as we celebrate the first time He came!

We don't know the day or the hour, but we know He is coming.

Today, it is this - both that He has already come to do His work of sacrifice, atonement, and teaching AND that He will be coming again to fulfill God's work, unite God's Kingdom, and make His enemies His footstool - that brings my heart a solemn kind of joy and a living hope!

To everyone reading, Merry Christmas to you! May you thank the Lord for His first coming and be looking for the day when He comes again. Let the Spirit and the Bride say "Come!" Revelation 22:17

"Perhaps Love"*

2010-12-18T11:06:00.000-08:00

"Perhaps Love" is a gentle song, a thoughtful song about things love might be, ways to describe love, different words and comparisons people use to try to describe it. A resting place, a comfort. Like a window or a door inviting you to come closer and see more. Like an ocean full of conflict and pain. Holding on, letting go. Strong as steel, wistful as a cloud.

An interesting song, not driven by the Lord's definition of Love - that God Himself is Love, that love is wrapped up in Him and submission to His Will - yet something about the words and the tune of it stirs my heart. It brings me comfort and a beautiful ache deep within. It reminds me of a promise.

I trust that God promised me that I would know Him.

God's promises are revealed to us in many ways and delivered to us in many ways. The special promise I refer to above came to me in Hosea, chapter 2, verses 19, 20, and 23. I've mentioned it in my blog posts several times - it's God's promise that He will give mercy to those that did not obtain it, that He will be their God and they will be His people, that they will KNOW HIM.

Through the talks and songs that have been in my life lately, God has shown me a new side of His promise. If I am to know Him - He who is LOVE - then I have been promised that I will know love.

In a moment of fellowship and searching with a friend, we talked about love. There are some people in each of our loves that we seem to think we should love - parents, children, family, and the like. And I think sometimes we fall into the false thinking that we do love some people just because we know somehow we should love them. Among Christian circles, I've heard people make remarks about a particular person that they don't particularly like and comment that "Of course, I love everybody, but..." I think words like those come from a mental awareness that God commanded us to love our neighbor; I don't think they come from a heart full of love.

Love is difficult, if not impossible, to explain. It can be feigned... but no one can force him or herself to genuinely love somebody. Love comes; love happens. How exactly, I don't know, but I believe it enters and warms our hearts when God puts it there! We can choose to do loving things for someone; we can choose to act kindly rather than selfishly, but to love from the depths of our heart and soul, to love with our very being? This is God's work.

And this is what I believe He's telling me will come to my life as I get to know Him more. In His time, in His way, whether through His own Spirit or through a creature He has made, I will know Love. It may be all the things talked of in the lyrics of "Perhaps Love," and because I know it comes from Him, all my "memories of love" will be of God!

*"Perhaps Love" by John Denver

Carried by the Wind

2010-12-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

This morning, I could hear the wind howling - loud and wild - outside the house. Looking out, I saw that it had begun to snow, and the snowflakes that always seem so white and clean and pure are being carried about by the wind. Softly and quietly they travel and then fall to the ground, fully obedient to the wind that blows them.

This is how I hope to be - white and clean and pure, carried about by the strength and power of the Holy Spirit that is like a rushing, mighty wind (Acts 2:2).

War and peace within the soul has been on my mind lately as I see the changes God has made in my heart and mind and as thoughts contrary to Him surface from the recesses of my mind and remind me that there are still battles to fight.

Yesterday morning, in my reading of Joshua, a verse stood out to me - bold and powerful, speaking straight to my heart. Joshua and the Israelites are fighting the kingdoms that dwell in the land God promised to them, and the Word says, "And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the Lord hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the Lord fought for Israel." (Joshua 10:14)

The Lord answered prayer, and the Lord fought for Israel. What a wonder! What a precious gift!

Earlier in the chapter, we are told that God already told Joshua "Fear them not: for I have delivered them into thine hand; there shall not a man of them stand before thee." (Joshua 10: 8) So, Joshua's request for help was perfectly in line with God's Will because the Lord already told him that this was His plan.

This came to me as a reminder and a help that when we pray according to God's Will, especially when we are praying for the purity and obedience He requires of us and when we are praying to have a heart after His own, He will answer and fight for us!

Paul says we have the privilege of fighting with weapons that are "mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds" (2 Corinthians 10:4-5), and God reminded me this morning that by His grace, He gives us a full set of armor - His sword of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel of peace, the helmet of salvation, and the shield of faith (Ephesians 6). With these good gifts, the Lord will fight through us and conquer any enemy that stands in our way, just like He conquered the enemies that stood in the way of His people Israel as they came to the promised land.

River of Life

2010-12-07T21:10:00.000-08:00

Excitement.

Butterflies fluttering in my heart and and gladness bubbling up from the depths of my soul. That's what I'm feeling now.

"I've got a river of life flowing out of me."* Those are the words that came to mind. I've often marveled over the fact that in the past two years lyrics start singing themselves in my mind that I memorized from singing hymns and children's choruses all my life. My childish heart, that had not yet been so warmed and opened up by the Lord, had little understanding of many of these words, but they come back to me now with new meaning, as if they are alive in me. Though I didn't understand then, I hear the Holy Spirit of the Living God calling me through them - calling me then, calling me now.

I'm not sure what's ahead, but I'm overjoyed to know that whatever God has in store for my life will be more than wonderful and wherever He leads me, there He will be also. My Lord, my Savior, my Friend, my counselor, my Prince of Peace.

He's answered prayer in so many ways - allowing me to feel His presence, drawing me to Scriptures that answer question after question that I have asked and puzzled over with desperation and a driving desire to know, confirming thoughts I've pondered through the fellowship of believers, filling me with love and a desire for His Kingdom and His Glory.

I started to say that I hope I do not let Him down... but I know that if it were up to me, I would. Thank goodness, it's no,t for I am HIS WORKMANSHIP. It is He who hath made me, and it is He who works in me after His good pleasure! (Ephesians, Philippians)

"I've got a river of life flowing out of me,
Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see,
Opens prison doors, sets the captive free.
I've got a river of life flowing out of me.

"Spring up, O well, within my soul,
Spring up, O well, and make me whole.
Spring up, O well, and give to me
That life abundantly."*

*"River of Life" by L. Casebolt

The One Who Feeds the Sparrow

2010-12-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

"The One who feeds the sparrow is the One who stands by me. And the path that is my portion may be through the flame or blood, but His presence goes before me, and I'm covered with His blood."*

These lyrics echoed sweetly through my soul the other day when I heard a different bird's song outside my window and peaked through the blinds to see a sparrow sheltering from the rain on the window sill and rubbing its little wet face against the brick.

My mom tells me to "remember the sparrows..." Red birds stand out so much to us with their bright, beautiful feathers, and they have always given us joy and hope when we see one. Sparrows, though, are very different; with their gray and brown feathers, they blend into their surroundings - subtle, not gaining much attention or applause. But these are special too.

God created them all and made them different for His own special purposes. Jesus even talked about the sparrows, saying that not one of them is forgotten before God and not one of them will fall on the ground without our Father knowing (Luke 12:6, Matthew 10:29).

"Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows." Luke 12:7

We are of more value than the sparrows. He knows everything about us and watches over us always. The Holy Spirit has been challenging me to focus on His presence in spirit and truth, continually and with a steadfast heart. What a blessed reminder and affirmation it has been to see the sparrows and red birds and doves fluttering around my path the past couple of days.

I know He is here and working, and I know my path will be strewn with both blessings and trials to prepare me for God's Great Kingdom.

A friend of mine has been having a hard time lately, with troubles and trials burdening her and causing her to feel overwhelmed, but I feel God at work. He opened the door yet again for us to talk about His Will, our relationship with Him, and what He may be teaching. We talked about learning to trust His strength and not our own!

I pray He is working in her, and I know He is working in me as He has moved me with compassion, and a deeper desire to seek, to help, and to rejoice in all circumstances whatever they may be.

He reminded me of the truth that is bottled up in the last few lyrics I quoted earlier.

"His presence goes before me, and I'm covered with His blood."* Whatever else we have or have not or believe to be going right or wrong, we have the GREATEST BLESSING in GOD HIMSELF. We can come into His presence because we are covered in the blood of Christ.

If our eyes are open and our vision is clear, we can see what a great blessing this is. How sad that we often forsake being still in His presence, seeking the guidance and help that He is ready to give. How sad that we often seek after other things and other passtimes instead of going forward on the path He plans for us, even if it is "through the flame or flood," simply because that is where His presence is and that is where we must abide with Him.

Let us rejoice that His presence goes before us, and let us follow our Savior wherever He leads!

*Lyrics from "I Know Who Holds Tomorrow" by Ira Stanphill

Looking Up

2010-11-20T21:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight I enjoyed another walk in the moonlight...beneath that brightly shining ball of silvery white light. Another month. Another full moon.

I know I've blogged about the moon so many times that my faithful readers might wonder why I keep bringing it up, but every month, I am so enchanted with it and so reminded of God's faithfulness to me as He has taught me and forgiven me and walked with me from moon to moon, that it often becomes the focus of my writing once again.

Tonight I stood, eyes fixed on the moon, watching the clouds fly past looking like thin patches of lace veiling the moon for a moment but then fluttering back to reveal its pure and lovely light.

I walked and did my usual nightly chores, looking up every few moments to stare in awe at that awesome mirror of glow. It was hard to keep my eyes off its other-worldly light and loveliness... and I realized another facet of its grandeur.

When the moon is full, the heavens are lit up with an indescribable, untouched kind of light and beauty - like the beauty of holiness praised in the psalms. The earth is lit up too, but only because the glow of the moonlight has quietly and dreamily descended upon it, only because it drinks up the light of the heavens. The earth looks so well thus - dim and far away except for what is seen by the pure glow of heaven.

This, too, is how and when we look well - when we are looking up toward the heavens, when the earth and its follies, sins, distractions, materials, and worldliness are dim and far away in our vision, when we are covered and lit up with a pure and glowing light from heaven.

I pray our eyes are drawn upward, to a loveliness that surpasses even the glory of the moonlight, to the Light that would outshine even its brightness. I pray we are so entranced and overjoyed by the awe-inspiring glory of the Light that we cannot keep our eyes on anything else for long.

Valley of Love and Delight

2010-11-13T22:25:00.000-08:00

In my last post, I shared the beautiful lyrics of "Lord of the Dance." I have been so fascinated by them ever since my mom discovered them and shared them with me! It's so truly awe-some to think of the Christ, our Savior, living out God's plan since the world was begun even through the heavy task He endured to save us. Hearing the words sung "it's hard to dance with the devil on your back" helps me to feel the weight of this great thing He's done, and the weight of the wicked things we have done to need His atoning sacrifice.

Those lyrics were put to the music that was originally "Simple Gifts." I'd like to share those words with you today and how they are intertwined with something God has been teaching me lately.

"Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free,
'Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,
To bow and to bend, we shall not be ashamed,
To turn and to turn will be our delight,
For by turning and turning we come round right."

Sometimes I look at my cluttered life and cluttered mind - full of insignificant things at best and ungodly things at worst - and I think, what a mess. God has always been faithful to remind me that what He offers is simplicity, truth, openness, humility, grace, righteousness, love, mercy... all the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians). This is freedom. A freedom no human or government or pursuit of any kind can give. A freedom that brings peace and life and laughter. A freedom that clears the mind's eye to see the beauty of the living God, High King of All Creation, Savior of His People.

The purpose in this life we're living is learning and preparing - to bow, to bend, to turn and to turn. Turning is the simple meaning of repentance - turning away form sin to turn to God in belief by His grace. Only by turning and turning will we come round right. Only by turning and turning will we find ourselves in that valley of love and delight.

This is living. Preparing for LIFE.

Everything that happens as we live here - every circumstance, every relationship, every blessing, every challenge - is part of our preparation for real life, for completed life with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it doesn't feel quite like dancing; the music we hear may be joyful at times and yet sad and cumbersome at others. But the Holy Triumvirate will indeed lead us and surround us in this dance to move down the straight and narrow, constantly turning from the broad way that leads to destruction, because we are headed for a valley of love and delight.

A Dance of Love and Joy

2010-11-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

I am the Lord of the Dance, said He.

It's a dance of life and joy, of creation - creating all things and making them over again, new and clean and good, for the glory of His Holy Name.

It's a dance of One - creating all things through His movement upon the face of the waters.

It's a dance between the Bridegroom and His Bride - a long ballet, a full suite with various scenes telling a story of union and separation, of guidance and rebellion, of unruly and wild dancing changing to a dance of submission with beauty of form and execution - the dancers with their Lord of the Dance.

It's a dance of courtship - one partner knowing all already, the other partner learning and seeking to know.

It's a dance of joy and gratitude - the Bride praising the heroism of her Bridegroom, amazed that He loves her and wants her despite what she's done to betray and disobey and mock His goodness and sacrafice.

It is a dance that cannot be learned, cannot be performed even after seeing the steps and knowing where feet falter or knowing what path should be taken. It is a dance that can only flow from grace.

I danced in the morning when the world was begun
I danced in the Moon & the Stars & the Sun
I came down from Heaven & I danced on Earth
At Bethlehem I had my birth:

Dance then, wherever you may be
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!
And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be
And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He!
(...lead you all in the Dance, said He!)

I danced for the scribe & the pharisee
But they would not dance & they wouldn't follow me
I danced for fishermen, for James & John
They came with me & the Dance went on:

I danced on the Sabbath & I cured the lame
The holy people said it was a shame!
They whipped & they stripped & they hung me high
And they left me there on a cross to die!

I danced on a Friday when the sky turned black
It's hard to dance with the devil on your back
They buried my body & they thought I'd gone
But I am the Dance & I still go on!

They cut me down and I leapt up high
I am the Life that'll never, never die!
I'll live in you if you'll live in Me -
I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!

**Lyrics to "Lord of the Dance" - words by Sydney Carter, music is a traditional Shaker Tune called "Simple Gifts"

Pictures, Memories, and Grace

2010-10-30T01:44:00.000-07:00

Many thoughts passed through my mind tonight...

A chance glimpse at an old picture - except, I don't believe in chance - stirred up memories - like stirring a simmering pot of soup in which all the goody has fallen to the bottom, dense and heavy, completely invisible from the top of the still waters, but are suddenly brought into sight by the movement of the spoon.

What a Spoon it is that stirred the memories tonight - so very late, late enough to be called early morning. Memories of misplaced passion and loyalties, misplaced actions and deeds. Memories of a horrible feeling bottled up inside. Tonight, a new insight to a particular memory came. That awful feeling in the bottle - indescribable, thick and heavy, gnawing and cutting deep, and me a shell longing to empty itself of such poison.

This shell - this aching vessel - understood something, some people, who try to let it out by damaging the vessel, by wounding it, by even trying to destroy it. I understood why - you just want it out, you just want this feeling gone. But for me, there was grace mingled with the horror, diluting it and shedding light on it.

A far away conviction was there - a gift of grace. The conviction told me that whatever horror lived within, trying to physically get it out, inflicting pain on top of pain, would only drive a wedge further between the vessel and the Potter. No, you cannot tempt Him more, it told my heart. No, you do not dare anger Him more. That was my gift - a knowing, an understanding that whatever wrongs had been done, the only Way to go would be to stand - or sit or crumple up on the ground - and face the horror, experience the feeling, and live.

LIVE - in grace, in mercy. For grace and mercy were there. No physical damage to the vessel, no crying or pleading, no aching soul could accomplish it. Only my precious Lord could drive out such a dark and foreboding feeling. Only He could bring light to such a place.

For this, I do not begin to be thankful enough. His sweet whispering Hope carried me through when I barely even knew it. It bore pain I could not have stood. It made the unbearably heavy load only as heavy as it needed to be for my strength to be built and my heart to be taught.

My blog has been about this story - beginning and even unto now - whether it always seems so or not. I have said the same thing in a million different ways... over... and over... and over. I won't apologize for repeating myself :-) It needs to be said again.

God is good; His mercy is everlasting. His Holy Spirit - the power and goodness and grace of His own great Self - is with us ALWAYS, inside us, teaching us, working and molding according to His own good pleasure (Philippians).

Praise Him! Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2

Musings in the Moonlight

2010-10-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

The moon to lighten the night.
He created this light,
this soft white light
to brighten the night.

He knew this moment would come to be . . .

me, here, sitting on this age-old land, under this dome of sky... dusty, purplish gray clouds sweeping across it, illumined by that self-same moon He created in the beginning when He said - Let there be light.

And so it was that light came into the world.
And so it was that light came to me . . .

in His time, by His command, by His creative power.

Sweet moon,

swimming in the smoky clouds, swimming in the glorious irony that you are both a reflector of light and a shadow.

A reflector of the sun's light.
A shadow of the Son's Light.

Precious moon,

delivering memories

solemn memories of a night when promises were made and later broken

solemn memories when promises were made and then kept.

You know, sweet and precious moon...

This, your admirer, the created one, me - I broke my promises

You know, sweet and precious moon...

That, your Maker, the Creating one, HIM - He kept His promises

Gorgeous moon,

shining for me, shining deep impressions in my mind of our monthly trysts when you are full, looking like a perfect flat disc of shininess, bringing me such joy, filling my soul with such awe.

How grand and indescribable you are, good moon.
More grand, More indescribable HE IS, dear Father.

Lovely moon,

dancing in that familiar circle in this October sky, the circle glows like an angelic wall of protection for you and the sky in your midst... would that God would keep me safe and close to His Light in such a circle.

A break in the cloud... Your light shines down on me, clearly, as if nothing stands between us.

What brightness! it hardly seems night!

Pure, gentle, glistening moon, gift of joy, you are His blessing to me this night!

My Phoenix Flower

2010-10-21T23:55:00.000-07:00

We have a collection of flowers in our front yard that absolutely fascinates me every year. I went on a search to find out the name and more information about the plant, and God led me straight to it. A common name for it is "Spider Lily" but other names are Surprise Lily, Magic Lily, Resurrection Lily, Pink Flamingo Lily, and Hurricane Lily.* Though each one of these names fit this special and unique flower, I was delighted to see the name Resurrection Lily because... well, you'll see why. To me, though, it is my Phoenix Flower, and that's what I want to write about.

Like four different plants in one, my Phoenix Flower changes and blooms again and again over the seasons.

In Spring, a collection of long, lean leaves, like elongated triangles, stretch up from the ground in a pale, yellowish shade of green. In time, the leaves fade and the plant seems to disappear entirely until all of a sudden in the middle of summer, tall stems of that same pale, yellowish green shoot up, and a delicate pink flower blooms. This exotic lily stands boldly but demurely alone, as if its leaves came too early and did not wait to gather around it in homage and protection.

The summer heat dwindles their fragile loveliness until again the plant seems scorched and gone. But then, when the early chill of fall is in the air and everyone is anticipating the beauty of reds and golds in the trees, the long-stemmed flower rises from the ground a second time. Now, the pale pink petals are replaced by spindly curls of coral red, which remind me of a phoenix resurrecting from its ashes, ready to fly away, enjoying both the newness and the maturity of its life that has been blasted and recreated through the fire.**

When this set of blooms fade and fall away, the ground again looks unchanged as if nothing is growing beneath that dirt. And finally, a reprise of leaves break ground. A clump of deep jade green leaves display with soft rounded leaves, short this time but still giving the impression that they belong with that firey Phoenix Flower but just arrived a little late.

One plant. Four different phases. They look almost as if they are four separate creations or that they got out of rhythm and came at the wrong time. And yet, it's plain to see from the same pattern repeating itself year after year that this was meant to be.

And year after year, it startles and fascinates me all over again even while it stirs memories of seeing those same magnificent shapes and colors before. It is new and exciting. It is old, settled, and comforting. It is a shadow of walking with the Lord, seeing His will come to pass with beauty and perfection of time and space, excited over the newness, comforted over the sameness, learning and knowing Him over time, storing up memories and awaiting new beauties that unfold along the way.

*Flower name information from http://web.extension.illinois.edu/champaign/homeowners/050818.html
**Red Spider Lily photo from Van Bourgondien http://www.dutchbulbs.com/store/specialtybulbs/10420#closed

The Truth Still Stands (even when we do not)

2010-10-13T23:18:00.000-07:00

A blogging brother quoted a poem in a recent blog post that included these lines:

Grant that with true heart

I may without hypocrisy

Affirm the truth

Those words stung me and brought me relief at the same time. These feelings put a few things in perspective and gave me greater understanding.

They stung because I see numerous ways in which my life does not affirm God's Truth without hypocrisy. Like the rest of the poem, it convicts me of my unrighteousness.

They stung because so many outsiders accuse those of us claiming to be Christians of being sinful, lacking love, and living hypocritically - and in many cases, they are right.

Still, the words offer relief to me in a way because they remind me that the truth is the truth whether we are following it or not. The truth stands whether we do or not.

If a hypocrit speaks the truth, it will be a sinful reflection on the hypocrit's life who does not do what he knows to do and thus a poor method of sharing the truth, but thank God, the truth does not change. There is a beauty and an abiding comfort in that!

Although those who accuse us are often right, focusing on our flaws rather than God's perfection and truth is a tragedy to themselves more than anyone. The fact that we have not yet attained does not change the mark for which we should all be reaching and striving (Philippians 3).

I believe that anyone who truly loves God possesses a passionate yearning for the truth - knowing it and following it (1 John). Disobeying God's Word and Way hurts us: we hate what we do (Romans 7:15), we are bothered and troubled instead of being marked by peace and joy (1 Peter 2:11), we invite criticism from outside (2 Corinthians 6:3), and we may be guilty of mocking God and using grace as a license for sin (Galatians 6:7-8, Romans 6).

I also believe that anyone who truly loves God will fight for the truth for God's sake, despite the possibility of being labeled close-minded and unfair, despite any accusations - true or false - about falling short, and despite our unworthiness. For when we live and respond to questions or situations that are going on around us with wisdom from God's Word, we are not claiming to know everything or to be the example of perfection; hopefully we are simply sharing what the Holy Spirit reveals to us as the Holy Spirit moves us to share. That is key - as HE leads us to speak, sharing the gospel with nonbelievers and exhorting believers to stand. Though the world may not understand this kind of love - a love that speaks the truth even if it's unpopular because the truth saves - it is the Love of God, and I pray we love our Lord Jesus first and most... and enough to speak the truth because we are obeying our King!

Catching the Light

2010-10-09T06:56:00.000-07:00

There's a road I love to take out in the country when I'm coming home from work but need to make a stop in our little town. It winds and curves and has so many lovely woods and meadows winding with it. At just one such place, I was coming into a curve with a clump of woods on either side of the road, and high in the sky, I saw a bird flying from tree top to tree top. Just in the middle, directly above the road, bright red feathers caught the golden afternoon sunlight and seemed to glow for that brief moment.

Always thankful and amazed to see that gorgeous red bird that comes for me... and a friend ;-)

What a brilliant reminder of the power of Christ's red blood that washes us white as snow and the power of the Spirit that keeps us in fellowship with Him!

I've seen two more red birds since then - much needed reminders of God's forgiveness and power to save as I have been battling some old, pestering and impure thoughts that have been popping into my mind and pulling me down. The red birds remind me that no power is greater than that cleansing blood and that One who can keep us from falling.

Yesterday morning, this Scripture came to me from Deuteronomy: For the Lord your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you. 20:4

I am so glad He's here to fight for me when I don't have the strength and when my will and desire is less that constant and true. A friend just shared a song with me that has the lyrics: "When there's a distance between what I am and who I want to be, You deliver me." And I am so grateful for His promises and His deliverance and also aware that I have no idea who around me may be facing fierce inner battles struggling between who they are and who they want to be. This is why we cannot judge - because we don't know the thoughts and intents of the heart the way God does for He is the Great and Only discerner of our hearts. All of us have fallen short; this is why we cannot condemn - because we are not perfect and righteous like the Most Holy God.

I am grateful and glad the Lord has sent His Holy Spirit to lead us into all Truth, to lead us and show us how to discern from right and wrong (John 16:13) and for the honest brethren who say things that are hard to say because they are following Paul's example (1 Corinthians 5) of loving the truth even if it hurts for a moment because "the destruction of the flesh" leads to the spirit being "saved in the day of the Lord Jesus." These are answers that have come to me in the past few days as I have been praying about the holiness of our lives and the role we should have as advocates for Truth that cannot and should not judge.

I am grateful that God is working in His children daily to mold us into the image of His precious Son and to reveal where we are lacking. And so today, as I pray I do ever day, I am pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Jesus Christ. Phillipians 2:13, 3:15, 3:14

I am catching the Light of His Love and His Grace as the red bird caught the light of the sunset.

When God Gathers His Harvest

2010-09-30T00:43:00.000-07:00

Fall.

I love it... always have. I keep debating whether Spring or Fall is my favorite season. In April, I had decided on Spring. Now in September, I'm convinced it's Fall :-)

Though it is the end of many things - the end of summer, the end of "freedom" for school kids, the end of lots of flora and fauna that bloomed and thrived during the warm months - it's also simply a change. And change can be good, especially when where you are isn't quite where you want to be or when the treasure you are reaching toward becomes more and more beautiful in your eyes. Like the treasure found in God's Kingdom!

An old family friend died a few days ago and while thinking of her, I ran across a beautiful Scripture:

And I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, Write, Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord from henceforth; Yea, saith the Spirit, that they may rest from their labours; and their works do follow them. Revelation 14:13

A lovely, peaceful feeling rested in my heart as I read it. And it is this same lovely, peaceful feeling that has been travelling with me over the past few days... driving in the rain or listening to it outside the window as I am cozily tucked inside, driving in the golden sunlight or basking in it as I roam the country doing my morning and evening chores. Because peace and the change in seasons are coming to me at the same time - as if they are walking together with interlocking arms, headed toward me with warm greetings and outstretched hands to join them - I am perceiving Fall in an entirely different way this year.

Spring blooms into our hearts like a glimpse of the Resurrection morning when Christ shall come with a shout to gather His elect to Him in the sky, but Fall folds us up with warmth and rest like a glimpse of that eternal rest and joy when God gathers His harvest, when He will reap the fruit of all His labor to draw His children to Himself through His grace and His gift of belief in His Son, the Christ, the Savior of the world.

Somehow, through this advent of Fall, it is as if God has given me a glimpse into that journey on the other side of the river - that journey our friend has begun through her "death." For God's faithful servants, it will be a long-awaited rest, when all our battles with the devil and his tactics to confuse and seduce are ended. It will be a time of gathering precious fruit and filling our souls with it just as we do during these days of harvesting. It will be a time when God's consuming fire will burn in our hearts like the bonfires and campfires people build during these autumn days, only this fire will be more pure and powerful than any we have ever known, and it will never be extinguished.

It will be a glorious day when God sends Jesus to us again and tells Him to begin His great harvest!

He which testifieth these things saith, Surely I come quickly. Amen. Even so, come Lord Jesus. Revelation 22:20

Going for a Walk: A Time to Surrender, A Time To Love, Honor, and Obey

2010-09-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning as I read Deuteronomy chapter 9, the Holy Spirit impressed this verse on my heart: “Remember, and forget not, how thou provokest the Lord thy God to wrath in the wilderness: from the day that thou didst depart out of the land of Egypt until ye came unto this place, ye have been rebellious against the Lord” (verse 7).

I doubt I’ll be able to put into words the way I felt after reading that. There was peace; there was that old bitter disappointment at the wandering twists and turns of my path; there was conviction; there was a lightness, a relief; there was clear vision.

The vision was of a girl who was chosen by God to enjoy a special Life because of HIS righteousness and HIS goodness. Over and over she had disobeyed and dishonored Him. She had provoked His anger, and He showed it to her. She had felt the fire some days; she had experienced His chastisement, and yet she had also been sometimes unaware of His hot displeasure. But this day, she saw clearly. Instance after instance passed through her memory. Moments when she did not walk away, moments when her mind drifted down dangerous paths, moments when she hesitated and then took the wrong path. A thought, a word, a deed she knew was not God’s will…and each time, He had been angry with her. Something in her heart recognized this, and she longed for it to change. Her prayers were filled with requests for forgiveness and for clear eyes to recognize when the weaknesses or lusts of the past invaded and threatened her present, for the strength and desire to fight the Lord’s battles, for the stillness to listen to His will and His guidance, and for the love and submission to obey each command.

She had noticed days earlier how her precious nephew would sometimes wrestle her when she tried to hold his hand as they walked and hiked through woods and mountains together. His little fingers would wiggle and squirm, trying to be free so he could go off on his own, but other times, all movement would stop and his little fingers would calmly rest in hers as he accepted her decision to guide him… and then there were even those sweet and special moments when he would give her finger a little squeeze or lean on her hand and arm for help when he felt unsure or when his legs got a little unbalanced. These walks, characterized by wrestling or calmly resting or squeezing a finger, looked so similar to her own with her Father and she saw a little more clearly how their relationship was and how it should be.

Listening to the thunder and rain, feeling the chill in the air, she longed to curl up in her Father’s warm embrace and rest and listen and concentrate on Him alone. She knew looking back how many times she had caused His anger and disapproval, and she longed to forsake those ways and turn away from them for His sake.

Her name is Chosen.

Her name is Rebel.

Her name is Wanderer

Her name is Forgiven.

She is a Child who has been granted His Mercy because He is Good and Faithful.
(Hosea 2)

Trials and Lessons: A Time to Be Humbled, A Time to Believe

2010-09-14T06:30:00.000-07:00

Dark places. I remember an elder sister talking about her dark places - times in her life when trials and struggles brought her very low and tested her faith. There were a few days last week when I knew I was in such a place of darkness - like the eye of the storm when all around me, mentally and emotionally is in chaos and tumult.

The Light of the world has been taking me through these dark places and showing me bad attitudes, selfishness, lack of understanding and compassion, and that age-old sin of pride that pulled an angel down to his hellish new life of darkness.

My tech writing job is a fairly tedious and vain one - vain in the sense of Solomon calling all work he saw being done on the earth vanity. It's unimportant - very much so in the grand scheme of God's kingdom - and it accomplishes so little since our documentation is always out of date (because technology is constantly changing) and since it's likely that very few people ever use it (because they prefer to call and talk to someone rather than looking up answers to their questions). This has often been very frustrating to me, but I realize that my life should be spent on what God sees as important, not what I see as important. And right now, this job is important for me because God is using it to teach me discernment and humility.

Some of these lessons He has already been teaching... Recognizing the sin is the beginning, obeying God outwardly is another step, but a transformed heart is the real completion and only the result of God's power in us.

At my job, we are constantly criticizing each other. It just what we do - editing and reviewing countless times to catch each other's mistakes and make our documentation better. It frustrates me, and often, it stings to be told of my shortcomings so constantly. Sometimes, I calmly realize that we all make mistakes, that I point out theirs as much as they point out mine, and I simply fix the problem as if I am editing somebody else's work - not taking it personally. Many times I remind myself that this is a good thing because the final product is always getting richer, clearer, closer to what it should be... and that our lives are being constantly revised and perfected by God's power in much the same way.

BUT, too often my mind and heart go in the wrong direction; dark thoughts and feelings were coming to the surface - arrogance and pride in my abilities and this perpetual desire I've had all my life for wanting to be right, wanting to be perfect at everything, and wanting to be accepted and praised. God showed me that though I knew the problem and was more in control of my reactions on the outside, my self-centered heart had not changed.

The revelation came in an odd, unsettling way. For several days, every time I read a comment or criticism, I could feel my heart snapping at people, ready to argue and defend on any issue that came up, frustrated that someone didn't understand or like my work. I felt so tense as I tried to bottle up these feelings, going stir crazy in my office, feeling helpless to change and very overwhelmed by this darkness in me - a darkness I perhaps had not recognized as so dark before in comparison to other wickedness and sins in my life that God has been dealing with over the past few years. And again, I thought and meditated on who I am and how I've reacted to such things all my life; I could so easily see when I was not in the middle of it, that the writing doesn't really matter, that what matters is what God is teaching me through the job, that it doesn't matter who is right or if people like my writing, that what matters is God's work to revise and mold and teach and change me.

One of those days, as I was reading edits/comments, I started having a really hard time comprehending. We had been working on a particular section for days and had rewritten it several times, and this day, I simply could not understand what I was being told to change. I won't be able to explain it well, but I just read and reread those comments thinking, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do; I can't understand. And that day, I remembered times when I was younger, playing the piano or singing in church or other places and dealing with mild panic attacks - I was afraid I would forget the music, so I had copies of it with me... but then I was afraid I would forget how to read music! I was afraid I would forget the words, so I wrote them down and had them in my hand... but then I was afraid I would forget how to read! When I was calm, God showed me something about these feelings that was true - for simple, every day tasks, we are relying on our brains to do and to control our bodies in the way we expect them to - to read, to remember, to speak, to comprehend and respond, etc. The fact that they do is another natural beauty of God's creation, and I believe He has always shown me this to keep me humble - to remind me that any abilities I have as a student, a writer, a child, a sister, an employee all comes from Him because HE MADE ME and created me with whatever strengths or weaknesses I have!

The battle continues as God is working this out in me, but He showed me something that lifted my spirits when I felt so low, so angry and disappointed with myself and so helpless to change the thoughts and feelings that seemed to come from some other me that wouldn't listen to the lessons I knew.

There's a verse in Deuteronomy where Moses recounts the story of God's people coming to the promised land: "ye murmered in your tents and said, Because the Lord hated us, he hath brought us out of the land of Egypt, to deliver us into the hand of the Amorites, to destroy us. ... Then I said unto you, Dread not, neither be afraid of them. The Lord your God which goeth before you, he shall fight for you, according to all that he did for you in Egypt before your eyes; And in the wilderness, where thou hast seen how that the Lord thy God bare thee, as a man doth bear his son, in all the way that ye went, until ye came into this place" (27, 29-30).

I realized that my despair, not knowing what to do with these feelings, knowing I shouldn't feel the way I did but feeling it anyway, sounded a lot like the Israelistes who were in such fear that the Amorites who were taller and more in number with greater cities than them would destroy them. They were forgetting God's promise that He would bring them to the promised land. And the words on the page stood out to me, as if highlighted - "he shall fight for you" and I knew He would - "the Lord thy God bare thee, as a ... son... until ye came unto this place" and I knew that God did not bring me to this place in my life to allow me to be swallowed up by sins of pride or selfishness or to be overwhelmed by any situation my mind and heart couldn't handle. He promised to do a new thing in my life so here is another old thing that must be changed. He promised the I would know Him, so here is another thing that must get out of the way for me to draw closer to Him and see Him more clearly.

It's a fight; it's a struggle, but I know He is with me. I must believe and obey! For anyone reading, I thank you and would appreciate your prayers!

A Kind of Moving On

2010-08-30T00:00:00.000-07:00

There's been a change in me
A kind of moving on
Though what I used to be
I still depend on
For now I realize
That good can come from bad
That may not make me wise
But oh it makes me glad

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams
But I don't mind
For now I love the world I see
No change of heart a change in me

For in my dark despair
I slowly understood
My perfect world out there
Had disappeared for good
But in it's place I feel
A truer life begin
And it's so good and real
It must come from within

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams but I don't mind
I'm where and who I want to be
No change of heart
A change in me*

When God calls His people - in the New Testament and Old - there is usually a kind of moving on. It's an act of leaving behind one thing to embrace another: sometimes it's leaving behind ways that are not God's pure and holy ways; sometimes it's leaving behind something that is not necessarily wrong or sinful but is just not God's plan for that particular person.

I was just watching an episode of an old show where a man is explaining to his wife something that he needs to do - it's a kind of moving on, of leaving behind one thing for the sake of others, of starting again fresh and clean. His wife was very proud of him and understood his reasons, but she admitted that a part of her was holding back, that she saw the joy he would be bringing to other people, but thought they, as a couple, would be loosing out on their own joy. She supported him in mind and deed, but her heart was not all with him.

Because the scenes surrounding this were very emotional, I suppose my mind and heart were already in a sensitive place, and I believe the Holy Spirit used this moment to continue teaching me about my role as daughter and bride of my Creator and God.

Months ago, I was reading in Isaiah, and this passage, like a rushing gust of wind, hit me with a powerful impact: "For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called" 54:5.

I'm not sure what this means for me, particularly the emphasized phrase, but I believe it does means something specific, something for me.

Tonight, watching that scene, letting myself get into the story of these characters, I wanted to tell this woman what a beautiful opportunity she had. Her husband had the chance of doing something good for several people who were very close to him; it would be a big change for him (and therefore for his wife too), but it would give him tremendous joy, relief, and peace to do it. And though he was often a hesitant person, always considering a million sides to any question out of concern over doing the right thing, there was no hesitation here; he was sure of what he needed and wanted to do. Thus, his wife had the opportunity to give the gift of her support and aid to this man she loved, to her husband, to this person who was one with her. And this gift of support would also be a gift of peace - a state of mind and heart that is undervalued, underestimated, and perhaps not even understood.

This, in a way, is like the call of all Godly wives in their marriages - to lay aside all else for their husbands' will (in Christ), to support him and be his help-meet in whatever he chooses to do, to unchangeably be there with him even when circumstances and other things around them do change.

And this is our call - my call - as a bride to our precious, almighty God. We must lay aside all else for His will, to follow Him and be His vessel/instrument, to unchangeably be there with Him even when our circumstances or other things change.

I feel this "moving on" happening in me, and like the lyrics I quoted above, this new life is so good and real. Childhood dreams, such as several I could name, may have to be left behind, but a true wife would not mind because she would love the world around her, she would realize a new and better life was starting, and she would be where and who she wants to be because she is with her True Husband resting in and following His Will.

I feel a letting go may be in order - I'm not sure how much, how complete, but I believe there are certain things God has been calling me to leave behind in order to abide more fully in His presence and His Word and to await further instructions! :-) I find myself wondering what God has in store but more content with where I am now, less envious of others' circumstances because God knows my circumstances are perfect for me, and excited to watch what He will do!

For those of you praying for me, please pray for me to heed what God has already been telling me, to listen carefully to whatever else He has to say, and to trust and rejoice in His Will.

*Tim Rice and Alan Menken. "A Change in Me."

When the Lord Opens Your Eyes

2010-08-27T01:40:00.000-07:00

Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind... Romans 12:2

Driving home from work today, going over the familiar path with car after car of other folks getting off work and leaving the city for the day, I found myself still focused on work - rethinking the document I had been revising when I left - and I realized how eaily work can be a distraction, how my mind was cluttered with these thoughts instead of seeking God in this time I could be spending with Him.

Distractions. Somewhere in dwelling on that concept, God's Teaching Spirit, my Counsellor, lit on an old memory. Rewind four summers. I am in a large classroom with just three other people hovering around my chaotic essay, trying to figure out why I was struggling with this piece when I wrote papers all the time - wrote them, enjoyed them more or less, got my grade and that was that. This was different, though. This was not just a scholarly analysis of literature; this was my life.

The class was Creative Nonfiction; the three other people were my "peer reviewers" who still remain vividly and fondly in my heart today, and the paper was a simple story about my journey away from the "organized church" (then called "Bricks, Wood, and Six Letters That Can Hide God)" turned into a confused and incomplete reflection on a struggle I barely understood (renamed to "A Distracted Mind").

I went over the old piece in my mind as I drove, and then tonight, I dug out the old papers to reread them - the stack is thick with draft after draft of the piece as it transformed plus a separate piece called "Facing the Dragon" which told the rollercoaster story of writing and revising "A Distracted Mind." Wandering from perch to perch in my room with several lights on and the refreshing, summer-night breeze drifting in through the open windows, I've cried and wondered and written notes and praised God and pleaded with Him... Going over those old words of mine has been exciting and painful all at once - exciting to see how God was at work in my troubled mind back then even though I hardly knew it, exciting to see how He has been working in me over the four years since that summer, painful to recall how much deeper my confusion and wandering went before God woke up this prodigal, painful to read how God was giving me the tools to fight and how I didn't take up the sword.

The "final" version of "A Distracted Mind" scratched the surface of what I see now as spiritual warfare raging in my soul. Here's how I described it at the time: "I had to show why I was so upset. I wanted my readers to understand my confusion and my misplacement. I wanted them to see that I needed New Sharon [my childhood church] again but couldn't find it anywhere - not at church, not in the world, not in myself. Those three places distracted me from the object of my search. That was the point; that's why I named it distractions." I didn't understand what was happening; I felt disatisfied with the "organized church" as if it was hampering me when I wanted a deeper relationship with God, but then I felt too much of a pull toward the world which was hampering me from a relationship with God in a completely different way. And on top of all that, I spent very little time being still and seeking God despite this talk of "my search." I was daring to talk about my relationship with God through an intellectual paper that leaned heavily on my own understanding, not a product of a soul that had been on her knees, wrestling with the Creator of the Universe who promised to be a Prince of Peace, a Counsellor, a Shepherd, and the Word of Truth.

I share this with you now to remind us all, my brothers and sisters, that the only Way to reach the object of our search is Christ Himself, sitting at His feet in adoration and hunger. Churches, other social groups, and even our own hearts may enrich our journey or distract us from it. On our own, we cannot find God or serve Him by writing/talking out our thoughts, by performing any activity, or by going to any particular place. The Spirit of God Himself must storm through our lives with His pure mercy and judgment; we must undergo the purification of the consuming, Refiner's fire. God must open our eyes as He did the eyes of Balaam (Numbers 22:31) to see God, His messenger, His truth.

At the end of both of these old essays, my instructor made similar comments. On "A Distracted Mind," she wrote, "I hope you keep going back to this essay periodically - you are working your way toward a profound insight." On "Facing the Dragon" that discussed my writing process for the other piece, she wrote, "This essay makes me want to dig into the New Sharon essay - a good thing. I think you are struggling as much with the emotions as with the writing. Keep thinking on this piece." After that class, I went on about living and still did not give my struggle the attention or poured out prayers that it needed, and the only thing I worked my way toward was a deeper chaos, more weaked by Satan's darts than I realized. My precious Lord was the only one who revealed a profound insight and has transformed weak struggling into empowered fighting and peace by His mercy and grace.

As I repeatedly say on this blog, I am amazed and astounded at the work God has wrought in my life - at the deft way He has ordered events to bring me to the exact place that I am this moment, up at 3:30 AM remembering a paper I wrote four years ago. I'm amazed that when I read that old piece, the voice I heard in it was both me and not me. Me because I am still the imperfect daughter in whose life God Almighty is moving. Not me because His Truth has begun its cleansing, justifying work to form a new creature.

Greater is He that is in me than the one who distracts and tempts... Greater is He who is worthy of my full attention and devotion!

A Heart Shaped By His

2010-08-18T23:05:00.000-07:00

In the past little while, I feel God encouraging me to ask myself questions of the heart, like can I honestly say I love Him more than anything? does time with Him fulfill me more than any other person or thing? can I truly say that nothing compares to Him in my heart?

~ ~ ~

Several nights ago, I went to a Sacred Harp Singing. I've written about them several times over the months on this blog. They are simple gatherings at various places where people who love sacred harp get together and sing. The old sacred harp hymns are unique and exquisite in their honesty, their intense looking toward heaven, and their intense love and gratitude to God.

During this particular singing, I felt God bringing a particular theme in these songs to my attention: sweet companionship with Jesus and the awareness of how bleak life would be without Him.

Thinking about this made me remember something a sister in Christ wrote a while back*; she commented that she thought one reason so many people do not like singing the old hymns may be because they cannot relate to them... and this because they have not experienced deep intimacy with Christ to know the sweet beauty and the very real and soul-filling nourishment of it.

I'd like to give you a taste of the songs sung that night; it won't be the same without the complete lyrics or the room full of sound that always accompanies them, but still, here are a few excerpts:

"Thou know'st I love Thee dearest Lord
But I long to soar
Far from the sphere of mortal joys
And learn to love Thee more."1

"His name yields the sweetest perfume
And sweeter than music His voice
His presence disperses my gloom
And makes all within me rejoice."2

"The smilings of Thy face,
How amiable they are
'Tis heav'n to rest in Thine embrace
And nowhere else but there"3

I love singing those old songs and seeing the words these people wrote - brothers and sisters who clearly knew what it meant to love God and lean on Him through trials and blessings, sorrows and joys.

Sometimes it seems that God speaks so clearly to me through them, and this moment of music shared among the singers is also, more closely to my heart, a moment calling me to deeper communion with God, my Savior, my Guide, my sweet Friend.

More and more as days and months and years go by, I believe God's full heart of mercy and love enables my grateful heart to answer His questions with love and longing - love for Him because of what He has done and who He is and longing for more love to give and more humbled understanding of His Great and Holy Spirit.

My reading in Numbers has brought me to the story of Balaam (chapters 22-24) - a man called upon to curse Israel by a neighboring leader who saw the Israelites as a threat. But Balaam was a man who knew the Lord. This relationship struck me as so sweet - the intimacy between God and this man who was not a descendant of Israel. For all these chapters, all these months, we have seen God's presence and His guidance of this particular group of people, but then when Israel came across these other nations in their journey, here is this man we've never met in whom God has also been working - a man who communes with God and respects His guidance.

When Balaak, this fellow leader, asks Balaam to join him and curse Israel, Balaam's answer is that he must consult the Lord and only do what the Lord commands. Later as Balaam looks upon Israel's camp, God opens his eyes, and Balaam realizes that God has blessed Israel and has promised that they will be a great nation.

This way that the Lord works, moving and allowing different people to know Him in order to fulfill His great purpose amazes me, and I realize with gratitude how much God has moved in my own life. Over and over, the Holy Spirit shows me how He has been present in my life, teaching me, providing for me, and working in my soul.

After I started writing this the other morning, in my quiet time with God and even as I started the chores of the day, He opened my heart to the sweetness of communing with Him and sent me several memories of when - as a child or during dark and painful times as an adult - He has been here, working in my heart in exactly the way I needed to grow in understanding, to taste the relief of His mercy, to know the real sweetness of Him, and to begin to fall deeply in love.

Through all sorts of events and emotions, He draws me close to Him, and He shapes my heart after His own. He calls me all through the days... He warns me of temptation... He strengthens my mind and pulls it to focus on Him... He fills my heart with peace and joy when I am with Him... He teaches me the truth about the illusions around me that tempt me to believe they - anything - can fill me more than Him... He renews and works day by day... And as He reminded me through words I had written in an old journal, He will change me according to His will and purpose; it will happen by His grace!

_______________________________
*Leslie Ludy. Sacred Femininity
1. Duddridge and Bradshaw. "Detroit C. M."
2. Newton. "Green Fields. 8s."
3. Watts and Hamric. "Lloyd. S. M."

Journey with the Lord

2010-08-06T06:14:00.000-07:00

"So it was alway: the cloud covered it [the tabernacle] by day, and the appearance of fire by night. And when the cloud was taken up from the tabernacle, then after than the children of Israel journeyed: and in the place where the cloud abode, there the children of Israel pitched their tents. At the commandment of the Lord the children of Israel journeyed, and at the commandment of the Lord they pitched: as long as the cloud abode upon the tabernacle, they rested in their tents. And when the cloud tarried long upon the tabernacle many days, then the children of Israel kept the charge of the Lord, and journeyed not." Numbers 9:16-19

This particular passage stood out to me reading through the book of Numbers and left an impression on me of how important it is to be guided by the Lord in all things and to truly wait for His commandment to go, to stay, or to do anything.

I heard a quote from someone - a fairly modern but not contemporary writer - who had visited the Holy Land years ago and made the sarcastic comment that he was able to travel in just a short time (maybe a day or several days...) the same distance that it had taken the Israelites 40 years to cross. I'm not sure what was meant by the comment, but what came to my mind was the significance of that timing - God's timing. God taught His people a great many things in the wilderness, showed them wonders, gave them His law, tested their loyalty to Him, ordered the building of the tabernacle, and took the time to establish so many aspects of what He wanted the relationship between His people and Himself to be. And beautifully enough, He is using all of these lessons to teach me now.

Again and again the Israelites provoked the Lord by complaining about this or that, by saying they wished God had left them in Egypt where they were "safe" and had good things, like particular kinds of food. As I read of their complaints and wanderings, God has made so many things clear and prompted me to ask the Israelites (myself) questions like, Where would you rather be than with God? Is their any place better to be than right there in His presence? Is the food of Egypt really better than manna provided by God Himself? Is any "pleasure" of the past more beautiful and precious and fulfilling than a present in the presence of the Living God? Don't you trust Him after all the miracles He has done before you? after delivering you from a powerful enemy? Don't you love Him?

There on the pages in black and white, their lack of trust in God's goodness and power and their lack of love for Him above anything else is so clear and so stark... and so much like my own life. Their obedience in some things, like the building of the tabernacle, like journeying with the Lord and then resting and waiting with Him as He commanded is what my life should be.

Whatever else goes on in a fast-paced, stressful world that does not know the Lord and that prefers the darkness to His Light, I pray that my life is like these four verses in Numbers chapter 9: journeying with the Lord as He commands. In Truth, nothing is so sweet as being in His presence, nothing but Him so worthy of love and loyalty, nothing so nourishing as His Bread of Life.

"Where You Tend Roses, Thistles Cannot Grow"*

2010-07-30T06:22:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I watched an old version of The Secret Garden with a friend for old time's sake. I was in the mood for something gentle and sweet to watch, and as I perused the rows of old VHS movies on the shelf, that's the one that stood out. So we watched it.

Late in the movie when the secret garden is blooming so beautifully, the gardener who helps the children with their work remarks, "Where you tend roses, thistles cannot grow." Mary stops and reflects on his statement and tells Colin about it later, sharing that she knew he was really talking about them - these two children who truly had many hardships already in their young lives but who thought about those difficult and ugly things so much that they had both become very hard and very selfish people; when they began working with Ben and Dicken in the beautiful garden, seeing lovely things grow and laying aside themselves for the sake of each other, their beautiful thoughts softened their hardness and led them to kindness and love.

This lesson stood out to me in it's simplicity, being told through Mary who had grown so mature and kind. It is a lesson God has been teaching me for quite a while as He Himself tends and cultivates the garden of my heart and mind and soul. For months and months, two Scriptures continue to come to me about the renewing of the mind as we become followers of Christ (Ephesians 4:23) and about the mighty power of God to bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Early last year, I began to pray for God to show me any sins in my life, to help me to see clearly what I needed to repent of and what I needed to change. He had already begun to convict me of blatant sins and was leading me to understand that these were the fruit of more subtle sins in my life that had captivated my heart and mind without me realizing it or putting up a fight. He has answered that prayer in showing me areas of weakness, areas where love for Him was not the central ruling part of my heart, and areas where seeds of sin had been cultivated and fed in my mind. Every thought in my mind does not obey Christ yet, but I trust that He is working to cleanse and renew me every day.

As I thought about the simple lesson of a child from The Secret Garden, God gave me Scriptures this morning to teach and to guide. If you've been reading my posts lately, you'll know that I have been journeying through the Old Testament, getting to know God from the beginning, but this morning, my Bible fell open to Romans, and I felt God leading me to read there instead.

For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Romans 8: 5-6

I am always amazed at the way the Word speaks so directly to things I am praying about or struggling with. How glad I felt to receive this confirmation this morning. As we mind the things of the Spirit through the power and grace of the Spirit, we are tending these seeds in our mind and watching them grow while also minding the things of the flesh less and less and mortifying the deeds of the flesh so that thistles cannot grow where God intends to raise a beautiful garden of roses.

Praying that God helps me tend the roses... and trusting that His Spirit is praying with me.

And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. ... And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8: 10, 27

*from Hallmark's The Secret Garden based on the book by Frances Hodgson Burnett

Oneness... divine and indivisible*

2010-07-19T05:58:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago, I watched and listened to a version of the Rolling Jazz Revue at a live concert, fascinated, excited, and all around enjoying myself. Two members of the regular group weren't able to play that night, so there were just two regular players and a guest performing together for the first time.

They joked about not having much time to rehearse and introduced tunes saying they would be different from any version ever heard, but the sound coming from those three that night fit together with the kind of precision and energy that can't be planned or practiced... perfect and intriguing timing, various sounds meeting together in lively tunes that would stick in your mind and play over and over, so many different ways of playing one line of music like a theme running through phases of a story that are altogether different but altogether the same.

Amused and amazed all over again at the talents and gifts God forms in us, I carefully watched each person and the group - the piano/organ player almost dancing while he played as if you could see the music in his head and his heart surge out of every limb and onto the keys that would sound at his touch, a finger pushing a key, the side of his hand mashing down a whole group of them, sometimes one hand on the Rhodes** and one hand on the organ making two sounds that worked together to let out all the sound bottled inside him - the bass player half hugging his bass, half maneuvering the strings to make the sounds he felt, sometimes plucking the strings with his fingers while you could see the veins and sinews in hand and arm tense or relax, sometimes reaching over to pull out his bow and stroke the strings to bring out other rich and deep sounds - the drummer doing his own dance, legs and arms in constant motion to pound drum heads and cymbals, hitting the daylights out of them to set a pace or add punctuation.

It was fun to watch them. And it was fun to watch them watch each other because while you could almost see an idea of sound flowing from within them and moving out of themselves into their instruments, you could also see that they knew they were not alone, that they were only one piece of something else. And so I watched them watch. Two would watch the third soloing: they might play a little to add some thickness and undercurrent to the solo instrument or they might just sit back and rest and wait - either way, they watched, smiling at the soloist like they were just as fascinated as we were in the audience or nodding and glancing over at each other as if to say, "wow, look at him... how awesome." Then they would all watch to decide what was next - when the solo would turn back into a trio - and it always happened, perfect timing, seamless sound. It was as if I heard four sounds that night - three instruments each playing their own music and a fourth music where the three became one, as if it didn't belong to any member of the group but was something else entirely that had just been formed that night, would live for us to celebrate for a moment, and would then be gone forever but be part of each musician and each listener.

Something special happened that night; something true and good. I've praised God for it and wondered over it because I know everything good and true comes from Him in some way.

That night, I saw a form of oneness. I long for oneness in my life and it seems that most of us do...

to be one with ourselves so that no fear or intimidating situation would keep us from living out what we think and feel and believe, so that no physical or mental flaw would inhibit us from showing who we really are through music or conversation or lifestyle, so that no awkward contradiction of desires or thoughts or feelings within ourselves would keep us from being genuinely and consistently who we desire most to be...

to be one with others so that we can have a bond, fellowship, understanding, and companionship with an other person or a group of people rather than finding out here and there how little we know each other or trying to walk the same path but constantly traveling at different paces in different directions toward a goal that turns out to not even be the same goal.

We long for oneness, to be true to ourselves amidst comrades who are true to themselves, and at the same time, all of us true to the same purpose, the same expression of our hearts.

We long to make music.

And so I pray for God to unite all of me into one song dedicated to Him. And I pray for the unity of God's people, to make music together.

*Title from a sermon by Peter Marshall
**Refers to a Fender Rhodes - electric piano

'Why I Love You More... Than I Did The Day Before"

2010-06-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

There's a verse in Leviticus (6:13) where God says the fire on the altar in the tabernacle should always burn and never go out. Over and over, in the first few chapters of this book, a line is repeated, like divine poetry: "It is an offering made by fire unto the Lord."

A fire unto the Lord that never goes out. I see this image as a beautiful light burning and shining with our love for God and desire to serve and please Him. He has been teaching me that this ongoing flame of love is the beginning and end of our relationship with HIm for He Hmself is the consuming fire that will work in us to mold and purge each of His child-vessels. As we are consumed and glow with His powerful fire, we become the perfect offering to Himself made by Himself.

It seems when we think of fire it is related to passion or destruction... God used fire to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah, and fire has been used century after century by one group of people that utterly destroy the homes and towns of a conquered enemy after war or in situations like the 20th century Holocaust. Even so, fire can also be a fierce but beautiful image of passion and love. We seem to look at these as two separate things, but God has been showing me that true passion is destructive because everything that was must change and make way for the new thing. Every part of a child of God slowly comes together, uniting in a single passion for our precious Lord, for all that He is, for His kingdom. One thing or many are destroyed for the advent and creation of this new thing that Christ will do. A heart consumed with love will be a different heart, at the center of a different life than that heart and life were before the love came.

The dross is destroyed for the gold to be pure. The chaff is burned while the wheat is harvested and used. Everything about each of us that goes against God's nature will in some way be burned away to leave what is good and true to Him who is Truth.

My weak nature finds it hards to face and endure sometimes, but my soul loves the idea and excitedly anticipates that this WILL happen in me because God, who is faithful, hath begun His work! I am thrilled indeed to glimpse what I will become in Him, though I am not there yet.

There's a beautiful chunk of lyrics that has been going through my mind of late ever since my mom and I found out my brother was playing in the orchestra for Big River and she looked up the music. The lines are from "River in the Rain":

"But sometimes in times of trouble
When your out of hand
And your muddy bubbles
Roll across my floor.
Carrying away the things I treasure
...that ain't no way to measure
Why I love you more
Than I did the day before."

In these words, especially when I hear them sung by a rich and booming bass voice, I can see so vividly an image of rushing water colored brown with mud, rolling through towns and over houses, breaking apart structures man has made, emptying buildings of all their contents, saturating cloth and paper as an overflowing river floods a town... and I see a man watching, realizing that material things he treasures are rolling down the river or being ruined with wetness, knowing that he will probably never get those things back, but all the while feeling his heart swell with fascination and great love for the beautiful power he sees before him. What need has he of such mundane "treasures" when this great Treasure of God's power is before him?

For centuries men have been fascinated by and in love with the great, magnificent bodies of sky and land and sea... working with them, standing in awe of them, writing songs and stories about them, sometimes foolish enough to try to conquer and subdue them, sometimes content to admit and acknowledge with praise that the Creator and His Creation always have the upper hand.

When I first heard the lyrics above, I was caught by the gorgeous irony of this: loving the river that takes away your treasures, like farmers who love their land even when the weather is harsh or crops fail, like men called to the sea who also witness its power and ability to destroy who still love it more than anything. They love this land, this sea, or whatever it might be because they worm under their skin, seep into their bones, and become a part of breathing and seeing and living.

Such is the way of a heart full of passionate love for God. As God leads me and helps me to learn, I see how loving God means loving God Himself, not only the blessings He gives or even the beauties He has created and the work that He does, which are manifestations of His Spirit...but more than that, loving the Great Spirit Himself. Like the song says so powerfully, even when the river takes away the singers' "treasure," there is no way to measure how he still loves the river - even more than before - because the river is what he loves.

"Whether in sunshine, Whether in rain
River, I love you just the same."

God's power is stronger and more magnificent than we can begin to fathom. This is part of His glory; all the earth glorifies Him, and all is done to show His glory. This truth is something the Spirit has helped me see more clearly on this journey back through the Old Testament as I read God's interaction with His chosen people...singling out an unlikely couple to begin His nation, rescuing the captive Israelites through hardening Pharaoh's heart and visiting plague after plague until the death of all the firstborns in Egypt, performing wonders in the wilderness, acting in justice and in mercy, consuming the two sons of Aaron who disobeyed Him, and doing whatever He chose to do in His wisdom and goodness in order that all who were watching would know that He is the Lord (ex. Exodus 7:5) and that He would be glorified (ex. Leviticus 10:1-3).

As I learn that He means it when He says that He is "merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and in truth" and that He "worketh all things after the counsel of His own will" (Ephesians 1:11), I begin to realize what absolute peace and joy and rest we would have if we fully believed Him. He is good, and all things are done according to His will and His purpose for He is in all things and has created all things for His pleasure. So whatever comes, whatever "treasures" of things or people or situations in life are taken away, His true children will love Him... "whether in sunshine, whether in rain, we will love our Lord just the same."

* Lyrics from Roger Miller's "River in the Rain" in the show Big River.

A Stirring in the Heart

2010-06-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

Reading through Exodus, sometimes I've gotten lost in the details of structures and rituals, but sometimes I've been amazed at how something stirs up my heart with excitement and a precious insight God seems to be presenting me.

And all the congregation of the children of Israel departed from the presence of Moses. And they came, every one whose heart stirred him up, and every one whom his spirit made willing, and they brought the Lord's offering to the work of the tabernacle of the congregation, and for all his service, and for the holy garments. And they came, both men and women, as many as were willing hearted, and brought bracelets, and earrings, and rings, and tablets, all jewels of gold: and every man that offered offered an offering of gold unto the Lord. ... And all the women that were wise hearted did spin with their hands, and brought that which they had spun, both of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, and of fine linen. And all the women whose heart stirred them up in wisdom spun goats' hair. ... The children of Israel brought a willing offering unto the Lord, every man and woman, whose heart made them willing to bring for all manner of work, which the Lord had commanded to be made by the hand of Moses. (excerpts from Exodus, chapter 35)

I have the tendency to think of the Old Testament as recounting mostly outward ceremony and outward obedience to God through the Jewish law and the traditions that mark God's people. Those, like David, who have a heart that pleases God seem a bit rare amongst crowds of people who obey God's commands one day and ask for a golden calf to be made the next...endless ritual, sometimes to God but so often wandering away from Him. But in these verses from Exodus, over and over , the Word says these people came with wise and willing hearts to offer their goods and their time and abilities to God in order to complete this precious tabernacle.

In such moments - here with the children of Israel and later when God's salvation is made open to all nations - God desires a willing heart full of love for Himself, our brothers, and all our neighbors.

And, like He does for Bezaleel (35:30) when God fills this man with His own Spirit of understanding, knowledge, and wisdom to be able to form the tabernacle in exactly the way God commanded, God also moves in each of His children, stirring up our hearts and preparing us Himself to do His will. Reading about these hearts been stirred within these people...and remembering moment after moment of feeling God stir in my own heart... is more exciting that I can here express!

There are times when our own work and determination can result in us performing a duty or stopping ourselves from something that we ought not to do, but this is not what God wants: our work must be a fruit of His Spirit; our deeds must be a product of a heart full of God who is Love.

I've had some blog conversations about being real vs. pretending, and I remember reading a brother's desire that he might be real and genuine in every part of his life serving God. These conversations came back to me as I read Exodus and experience these thoughts. Pretending - or performing God's commands - is not enough: we must actually be what He desires as His children, and this is a work of the heart, a work of God Himself. In the past several months, I've prayed for discernment about my own heart and life, and the Spirit has answered with showing me who I really am vs. who I should be and constantly reminding me that mimicking who I should be on the outside is not the same as becoming the new creature God promises to form.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me Psalm 51:10. These words keep coming back to me, as I know God alone can mold and transform my heart into a wise and willing one, anxious and excited to do His will and serve Him lovingly all the days of my life.

I've mentioned before that doves have become very special to me. Because John compares the Holy Spirit to a dove when Jesus was baptized, doves make me think of the Holy Spirit working within me.

When doves start to fly, after sitting or walking, they make quite a racket. You can very distinctly hear the movement of their wings as they begin to flap, and their voices also make a very audible cooing noise. My attention has been drawn to this sound lately, and several times, I've even woken up to it. Always, this reminds and reassures me that the Spirit is moving and working.

When we have our chimney closed, doves (or possibly some other birds) have the tendency to come live in it, and we can hear their wings moving up and down the shaft. When the time comes to reopen it so smoke can get out, tons of soot falls - soot that their wings have swept down. It's amazing how their wings clean the chimney... and even this mundane example makes me think of the Spirit moving in our hearts, sweeping away dirt and darkness to prepare and clean a willing heart to the Lord.

This truth reaches my heart as such a beauty, this truth that God desires our love and all corners of our heart to be warm with it. His love, truly, is a love to shake the heart, a love to stir within us, change us, and fill us with such wonder and peace!

"Daddy, Where You Go?"

2010-06-01T23:42:00.000-07:00

In a crowd of people at a wedding reception this weekend, I heard a toddling little boy crying, desperation in his baby voice as he repeated, "Daddy, where you go? Daddy, where you go?"

I wasn't worried for his physical safety since there were lots of adults around - many people related to each other by blood and most of the rest of us related by the Spirit - who could help this boy find his daddy, but our adult knowledge did not change the fact that this little boy was scared, that tears were welling in his eyes, that he was lost and he couldn't find his daddy.

The man whose "name" was "daddy" followed the direction of the cry and took his boy's hand safely in his own in record time. The child's fear soon melted, but the incident left it's impression in my mind...

A number of reflections about it have passed through my mind, but the one that hit me today was about this stretch of the journey that so many of us have been on where we wander away from our Father ever so nonchalantly, only to realize at some point that we're lost and scared with no idea where we are or who the strangers are that surround us.

There's no need for us to ask God where He has gone, of course, because we are the ones that wandered away and then find ourselves where our vision is very blurred and our defenses against the devil are very weak. Thankfully, the awareness that we're lost and the fear and anguish in our hearts are reactions to God's Spirit right there inside us:

As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne. Revelation 3:19-21

How amazing that He not only comes to abide in us so we never have to be lost, but He also brings us to His Kingdom and allows us to sit with Him in His throne.

Thinking of the lost boy at the reception reminds me of how often I have begun to wonder over the future of my sweet baby nephew. When I look at him, I seem to see such perfection and purity with no stains, no scars, nothing to clutter his little heart and mind with darkness, and I wish - as I imagine most parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles, and anyone who loves children must wish - that he could be spared the pain and scars of sin and mistakes that will pull him down and make his little heart hurt. I know every human in the world has or will fall short of God's holiness and honor and must rely solely on Jesus for salvation; I know the experience of trials and tribulations, failure and weakness serve to purge us and mold us and teach us the truth of our lack and God's fullness, but there are moments when I wish I could give all the children around me the experiences and understanding and the lessons God has given me. Still, by the powerful witness of His work and gifts in my own heart and mind and life in general, I trust that He will give each one of these children according to their need even as He has given me.

A long time ago, back when I was an undergrad in college, I put up one of those silly facebook notes that asks your friends to answer questions about you or somehow related to you. One of the questions in this one was something like, "If you could give this person anything, what would you give him/her?" My friend's answer was that she would give me all of her experiences so that I could have the lessons without the pain and turmoil. I'm sure I was glad and grateful for her answer, but honestly, I don't think I had any real understanding of what a precious gift of friendship and love this was for her to desire to help me in this way, to give of herself to spare me. (So, if you are reading, I thank you greatly!)

During the actual ceremony of the wedding I went to this weekend, I was struck by a feeling of being infused with strength and peace from God. All of us were outside beneath a dome of sky so vast a believer surely could not but notice how small we each were, nestled there in that clearing of land. This woods formed almost a circle around us, as if we were being gently and beautifully held by loving hands. Thinking that probably most of us there were believers, I felt as if this little gathering of Christ's body was resting in the hollow of His hand. And thinking back on what the preacher said about the marriage union only being a complete bond if the union is created and maintained by God Himself, I remembered again that His union with us, between Christ and His Church, the head and the body can only be formed by Him.

I am so grateful for the bond I feel forming and for that strength and peace He gave me. I felt God offering it to me as a precious and very valuable gift!

His Dwelling Place

2010-05-28T06:37:00.000-07:00

O worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness...

This lovely verse came to my mind yesterday afternoon as I walked down our front sidewalk heading toward a huge, old oak where I could see flashes of red birds fluttering up to and among the lush green leaves. The softness of the warm day, the cool breeze, and that sight so precious to me shook my heart with love and an attitude which I think must've been a sweet kind of worship toward the Lord - worshipping in spirit and in truth.

The beauty of holiness. I think this is surely a beauty I've only seen glimpses of before. I remembered a few months ago amidst clinging to 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 and reading a Ludy book that I began to wonder with a growing thirst what it would be like for every thought of my mind, every feeling, every word, every deed to truly be in obedience to Christ, to be perfectly in line with God's will, and to truly please Him. To be pure and holy with a warm, yet wise heart full of his spirit would be such a wondrous gift, a magnificent victory!

I have been rereading the Old Testament, starting form the beginning, and I've gotten to the chapters where God commands Moses concerning the making of the tabernacle. Often, I don't quite know what to make of some parts of the Old Testament, the reason why it includes such lengthy accounts and such detail of certain events or traditions or laws given to the Jews that Gentiles do not have to take on in order to follow Christ and even that Jews who followed Christ were supposed to look at differently under the covenant of grace (Romans 3:22-31, 1 Corinthians 7:17-20, Galatians 5, Ephesians 2:14-15), but I know there is some perfect reason God put His Word together in this way. So as I read and pray for understanding, these detailed instructions for the creation of the tabernacle as a place for God to come and dwell and speak with His people make me think of us, the temples of the living God.

Reading the description of the tabernacle, I was struck by the beauty and richness of it - wood completely overlaid with gold, the gold molded into particular shapes like almonds and branches, layers of linen for the curtains dyed brilliant colors like blue, purple, and scarlet (Exodus 25 and 26). God chose His dwelling place to be colorful and full of artisanship. We see similarities in the buildings we now call churches and temples and cathedrals, but Jesus ssaid we would have no need of a temple. He said we would worship God in spirit and in truth; we ourselves are called the temples of the living God, and the beauty we are called to don is the beauty of holiness - an offering of our whole hearts and minds and bodies and souls to the One who bought us at a price (1 Corinthians 6:12-20).

When God finished the building directions for the tabernacle, He revealed to Moses how it would be built - through the wisdom and workmanship He Himself gave to the people He chose for this work (Exodus 31:3-5). Like this old, material tabernacle, we too are a product of wisdom and workmanship - God's own (Ephesians 2:10).

With great care and attention God planned and ordered the making of the tabernacle to be a special, sanctified, holy place worthy of His presence. With this and so many instructions and laws presented to God's people, they were unable to accomplish and follow them on their own ability and merit - thus, the need for a new testament, a new and living way (Hebrews 10:19-20). This way is Christ who is able to subdue all things to Himself, who works in us to make us holy and beautiful and worthy to be His dwelling place and His bride (Philippians 1:6 and 3:21).

And so, a continual prayer of mine has been and will be "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me" that I may "worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness" (Psalm 51:10 and 96:9).

The Beauty of His Work

2010-05-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

So often - daily even - I gaze in awe at the wonders of the physical world God has created. Sometimes a field in the Spring looks so lush and inviting that I feel like running and dancing through it, or sometimes the lyric music and dance birds make me stop and watch for a while. A sky full of color, the otherworldliness of the moonlight, the significance of a rainbow, the wind brushing on my skin in a way that allows me to slightly grasp the movement of a Spirit I can't see... are all a gift or a balm of healing that fills my senses and my heart. I pray I always acknowledge and praise the One who gives me such gifts and opens my heart to see them in this way...

But this is not the beautiful work I want to revel in with you today. Lately, thoughts and Scriptures have filled me with even deeper awe and the faint beginnings of understanding that Jesus, my precious and powerful Savior, is the beginning and end of Creation, that all things are done by Him and for Him from the foundation of the world to the saving of the souls of man. Man - just one creature among many that He chose to draw to Himself for His own glorious purpose.

"He is before all things and

by him all things consist. ...

For it pleased the Father

that in him should all fulness dwell."

Colossians 1:17, 19

Christ is the center of all things - just as God has planned from the beginning. This is the beauty and wonder of who He is. It has surprised and saddened me to hear people say things like "We go to church... I don't really believe Christ is the Son of God, but I do believe His teachings are good. Can I still be considered a Christian?" OR "I wish you people wouldn't get so hung up on a man [Jesus] and just focus on the message." I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit of God has seen fit to reveal the truth to my heart. The teachings of Christ are based on His oneness with God, that He has the power to forgive sins, that He Himself is the message.

"In the beginning was the Word,

and the Word was with God,

and the Word was God.

The same was in the beginning with God.

All things were made by him;

and without him was not any thing made that was made.

In him was life;

and the life was the light of men. ...

He was in the world,

and the world was made by him,

and the world knew him not.

But as many as received him,

to them gave he power

to become the sons of God,

even to them that believe on his name."

John 1: 1-12

This is the beautiful work that continues to fill my heart with wonder. He made the world, and He came into the world to give His people the power to become the sons of God. From being an insignificant man with fleeting life and wicked soul to being a son of God. This is God's great work!

To Love and Obey

2010-05-17T05:40:00.000-07:00

In so many love songs these days, my ears hear an out pour of a heart full of love for the One True and Best Love anyone could have - a Prince, a King, a Shepherd, a Friend, a Comforter. "I'm on top of the world looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find is the love that I've found ever since [He's] been around. [His] love put me on top of the world!"

I remember reading a book a long time ago that described the excitement and joy of first getting to know God. Truly getting to know Him means growing in love for Him too! Seeing Him in everything, enjoying time with Him above anything else, wanting to know Him more and please Him - these were the writer's descriptions of experiencing this love.

Jesus said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." In that book I read a long time ago, the writer said she was preparing for a talk with young women and the Holy Spirit convicted her with something to this effect: "Rules will not keep them (keep them safe from sin). Love will."

Each of these three blurbs were my Facebook status over the past few days, as I have been thinking about the connection between love and obedience and preparing to write more about them. As often happens, I've faced some tests and been given more lessons between writing those and sitting down to flesh out these ideas more.

Passages in John's gospel and his letters to his brethren are two of the main scriptures that God has sent me over and over to help me learn and understand how loving Him looks in our lives. John's gospel testifies to Jesus saying, "If ye love me, keep my commandments" (14: 15). In John's first letter, he writes, "He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected; hereby know we that we are in him" (2: 4-5). When I first ran across these passage, over a year ago I think, I was reading them not for the first time, but it seemed that way somehow because of how hard they hit me. The Word seemed to reveal to me that my heart lacked love for God and led me to question how much I knew Him as I was not keeping His commandments. Too many other things filled my heart and mind, and these were what I had sought after as much as God. My heart needed purifying and purging.

Jesus said that if we love Him, we should keep His commandments, and the greatest commandments He gave us are to love. Here is the beautiful but challenging circle of love and obedience that I think I have only begun to truly grasp: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (Matthew 22: 37-20).

If I love Him, I will obey Him, and to obey Him, I must love Him. If there is nothing that I love more than God, with my heart or soul or mind, then I would choose Him or His Way over any other person or feeling or object or experience. More and more, my heart hears a faint question when I'm faced with a challenge or temptation, Do you love Me or not? I know my heart is still not where it ought to be...still being cluttered with other things, but I know hearing this question gives me more strength than any mere sense of duty or any mere knowledge of what is right and wrong. More and more, I've felt my heart, sometimes even more faintly, saying, Yes, I do love You. I want to obey You. Wanting to obey and obeying are still not the same thing, but having the desire to love and follow gives me hope and courage.

For months now, I have looked on Hosea 2: 19-20 as a promise God made to me like He made it to the wayward woman in the book's examples: "And I will betroth thee unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the Lord." I believe He promised that I would know Him and that He is keeping this promise as He shows me His goodness and beauty through His Word and the world He created and as He shows me His faithfulness to answer prayer and provide comfort and healing and understanding. This promise that I shall know the Lord gives me an even greater hope in light of the ideas I've talked about here because, as John says, if we truly know Him, we will keep His commandments, and keeping His commandments is also to love Him.

Knowing Him. Loving Him. Obeying Him. These are gifts from God... These are the fruits of His own Spirit in us - infusing and overpowering all spaces of our hearts and our souls and our minds.

The Grace to Accept

2010-05-06T06:05:00.000-07:00

"Redeemed, how I love to proclaim it!
Redeemed by the blood of the lamb!"

What blessed assurance this is, being redeemed by the blood Jesus spilled for me.

I have seen red birds all over lately - at different places where I do not expect them but rejoice to see them and at home which is home for us both. I've told the story of why they became special to my family...and then me, but more and more, I personally am connecting and owning in my heart these graceful gifts of God because they are so graceful and gorgeous, because God sends them at the most special and amazing times, and because their vivid red feathers have begun to remind me of the red blood Jesus spilled to cleanse us and make us white.

The Spirit's cleansing, purifying work has been going on in me for quite some time and continues to go on, by the grace of God. I've been watching His work with many different kinds of feelings and reactions. It is exciting to witness answered prayers and see people, situations, habits, things, etc. change or fall away from my life as God directs. Though I believe my spirit is willing, there have been times when I'm reluctant about these changes, feeling sad or discontent over some situation in my life, but I've noticed a change with that too lately.

Several times when something happened that used to bring me sorrow or pain of some kind, my mind thinks about that just before I realize with astonishment that my heart is at peace. That pang of sadness, that lurch of regret, that twisting, wringing tightness of my heart that wishes things had been different...has begun to fade away.

Day by day, I feel God helping me let go, helping me accept, helping me find contentment, helping me REJOICE!

Thoughts of this filled my mind yesterday on my way home, and last night as I flipped through a hymnal and sang "Redeemed", I understood again this joy that is changing my life, that is easing my heart into peaceful rest.

"Redeemed and so happy in Jesus,
No language my rapture can tell.
I know that the light of His presence
With me doth continually dwell.

"I think of my blessed Redeemer.
I think of Him all the day long.
I sing, for I cannot be silent.
His love is the theme of my song."

The knowledge that He loves me - and gave everything to prove it - the knowledge that through Him, God offers me pardon for my sins is the most precious gift in the world. Leaning on and revelling in this beautiful truth, other things - frustrating situations at work, difficult times trying to keep up at home, dealing with trials of various sorts - begin to fall into place in my heart as I realize that they are very unimportant and very short lived compared to God's love and truth.

He is helping me accept things as they are, teaching me to bend and bow with joy to His sovereign plan as He orders all things according to His purpose. He is reminding me that He is my salvation, and this is all that truly matters.

Growing and learning to accept this life as God orders, I've also been lead to humbly accept myself...

The other day in a chuch assembly, we were singing "Come, Ye Sinners, Poor and Needy" after a preacher talked about the sufficiency of Jesus. The words are a little different depending on where you find the hymn, but this verse struck a chord in my heart:

"Let not conscience make you linger,
Nor of fitness fondly dream.
All that He requires of sinners
Is to turn and trust in Him.
He will save you; He will save you.
Tis the gospel's constant theme.
He will save you; He will save you.
Tis the gospel's constant theme."

The Truth hit my heart once again that Jesus is the One who saves - by the spilling of His blood at the end of His perfect, innocent life on earth and by the power of the Holy Spirit sent after Him to fill us and work in us. When I sang, "Nor of fitness fondly dream, "I realized how much I have dreamed of fitness, wishing my life could've been perfect and good, as if I could accomplish this on my own. Of course, as we love God more and more, our hearts' true desire is to serve and please Him, but He showed me this longing for fitness in me was pride and false reliance on myself when the beginning and end of salvation is reliance on Jesus!

Tears welled from my old broken heart, even as joy and gratitude united those btroken pieces in love and newness. I am not fit, but He will save me. Accepting this is peace, humility, and a part of obedience to Him as it glorifies Himself and His great work!

From a heart at rest, I share this with you all and pray for us that we put our complete trust in Jesus and turn from all other things unto Him alone!

...and the Spirit of God moves upon the face of the earth

2010-04-21T06:04:00.000-07:00

I read two stories yesterday that moved me and filled me with wonder at the powerful and different, unexpected ways God works!

He is working. His Spirit fills the world He created, speaking to hearts, healing wounds, wielding His power to control the earth and all that is in or beyond it, showing all principalities and powers and anyone listening that He - Yahweh, Jehovah, the Father of the Messiah - is GOD!

And the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these my signs before him: And that thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which I have done among them; that ye may know how that I am the Lord. Exodus 10:1-2

He works through sickness and disaster. He works through a baby's smile and laughter. He works through storms and colorful sunsets.

He is everywhere in all things.

For the thief on the cross who went to Paradise with Jesus, He spoke through a heart convicted of the truth that had only to look and see that the mob responsible for Christ's crucifixion was punishing the most innocent man who ever lived.

For the people who happened to be in the temple that day, He spoke through His Son, saying This day is this Scripture fulfilled in your ears. Luke 4:21

For Paul, he spoke through a blinding light and a literal voice.

For a friend, He speaks through a coworker and counsellor who believe God sent them to her and pray for her.

For another friend, He speaks through sickness.

For someone else, He speaks through long days spent behind bars in prison. (click here to read a story)

For another, He speaks when Death comes and annouces that he won't leave until his work is complete. (click to read a story)

For me, He has spoken through my family - my mom, my grandmother, my uncle, my granddaddy, my brother. He has spoken through sights and sounds that draw my attention and give me an awareness of something more. He has spoken through fear and heartache. He has spoken through a heart that stills with peace despite itself. (click here to read a related post...or just browse my last year of blogging)

From the moment He spoke and the world was formed, God has been working and speaking to the hearts of His people to glorify His name and accomplish His will.

In that moment of realization, I was faced with an awareness that my life would be very different if my heart and mind were constantly aware that God is in all things, working, speaking, and in complete control. If we were all aware, the whole world would be different - but I know this will finally be true only when Jesus returns and every knee bows to Him.

Many of us seem to have the tendency to get frustrated with all sorts of things including people who never seem to change or hear us, instead ignoring our "reason" and repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Today and in the past few months, I've been realizing that this is me - this is everyone. We all have something that we just don't seem to learn even if it's just learning to hush and accept that people don't learn our lessons... until we learn them... until God's Spirit does the teaching.

The Truth I believe God is sending me is that we will hear when He opens our ears to hear, and we will change when His grace enables us to do so! This is learning to have peace and contentment with others. This is realizing that God is at work - everywhere all the time - and WILL accomplish His goals.

I wish I could grasp it all and stay focused on it and be filled with it... for now, I'm just praising God for His Spirit being at work in the world and speaking His Truth where He will.

I imagine His voice is like none other and when He speaks, nothing is ever the same.

When He has spoken, to me, in whatever way, or when brothers and sisters share ways He has spoken to them, I can feel the excitement and the glory shining on us.

He speaks, and life will never, never be the same!!

Fruit of the Spirit

2010-04-19T22:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a calm, easy day - not cold but chilly, clouds covering the sky and lending a soft gentleness to the day. When I took one of my daily walks to get out of the office, I realized that it was quiet; even the birds who usually share their music with me were hushed and still. Apart from a few comings and goings, the place was unusually still and peaceful. Walking back behind the office buildings where a nearby university owns a patch of land, I almost felt like I wasn't in the city but in a rich, green meadow somewhere where sheep or some other unassuming flock of critters should be, just living and being in this meadow, just like I was living and being

I wrote a while back about a time when God began to teach me about peace, when this new blessing came to me just like this calm, still day. It brought me and filled me with acceptance and a steadiness and slowness of heart, as if frustrations that aggitate the heart left it as unmoving as undistrurbed waters.

My peace I leave with You, I can almost heart my Savior say to my heart.

He truly is the Prince of Peace, a friend had reminded me...and so my Prince began gracing my life with His Peace - a peace the devil tries to steal and destroy but a peace and rest that I believe will never completely leave.

Yesterday as I walked, I took the same path as I did at the end of last week. I travel down different ways and routes on different days, depending on my schedule and mood, but that time I had walked that way, I experienced another of these moments when my Prince fills my heart with acceptance and answers prayer. I had been anxious and preoccupied with something and wondering what would come of it in the future, but that day, I tasted and felt the beauty and peace of contentment.

Godliness with contenetment is great gain, Paul tells us, and this is something I have often struggled with during my life - feeling restless or disappointed or down about something or other - but that day, I walked with excitement and wonder over the work and gift God was doing in me!

I felt light and full of joy and completely at peace with this question and all of my future being in God's more than capable hands. I knew I could honestly say in that moment that I did not care what happened concerning that situation. My heart instinctively believed that I was fine and happy with whatever God chose.

And so yesterday as I walked, these moments came back to me to remind me of how I have tasted the sweetness of the fruits of the Spirit.

In that lovely open space behind the buildings, a picture came to me - of sitting amidst the grass and trees, just a tiny speck who was lost among the hills and crevices of the land, the clusters and rows of trees, and the vast, open sky - just being there, a creation of God surrounded by God's creation. That's what I think the new earth and the new heaven will be like - a place where we are surrounded by everything that is made and fashioned by God alone to glorify and please God alone, a place where we will be with God and know beyond any doubt that life with Him will satisfy us like nothing else. Just to walk in such a lovely place with God in the cool of the evening or any other time of day, walking humbly with the Lord - this is what life was supposed to be and what it will be again.

Coming Home in the Gloamin

2010-04-14T22:25:00.000-07:00

Since I had some things to do after work, I drove home a bit later than usual today; it was just at that magical time between day and night, when the setting sun filled the darkening world with that soft, special glow that is indescribably sweet.

This is the gloamin, as my Scottish ancestors would call it. Such beautiful sights were around me, I could hardly keep my eyes on the road: the golden sun in a coral puddle of sky spread its light over soft green fields or fields with fresh red Alabama dirt, ploughed and ready to be planted. A sea of dandelions turned white waiting for the wind, or a dreamer making a wish, to blow away the feathery bits of flower turned seed.

Many a lovely spring or summer evening have I looked in awe at such lovely sights, barely able to comprehend the One who created them, wishing that this awe and wonder, mixed with Godly fear and reverence, would never leave my heart. Many an evening have I praised the Lord for this gorgeous world He made, filled with magnificent colors, light, and growing things.

I remembered again how I have always felt privileged, though have probably never been anywhere near as grateful as I should be, that I grew up and am still able to live in the country surrounded by life and growth. And I thought about this experience of coming home. In the early days of this blog, I wrote a rambling post about this very idea of coming home (click here to read).

We all have our own ways of coming home, coming back to things we know, coming back to things of the Creator who made us and draws His children back to Him with love and mercy. The first time the Spirit impressed upon me the rich and layered facets of the writings of the prophets, He began to give me a sense of how God even pleads with His people to come home (thinking of Micah, Jeremiah, Malachi, or really any of the prophets). Angry and able to punish because of His power and because of His holiness, God has sent messages to we unruly people so often, always with a call to turn back to Him. This is one of the many things coming home has grown to mean to me.

Coming back to Granddaddy Walter's land, the Cardinals' Nest, reminds me of old things, of constant things. No matter what changes, the seasons, the land, the Creator of the land are such a constant in my life, and I realize what a blessing God has given me in this. That red clay dirt has provided a nourishing home for the trees that shade me, garden vegetables that filled our tables for years, grass and clover for animals to graze on, shelters for birds and bunnies and all sorts of wild critters, and even the mud that I loved to squish between my toes when me and my brother were little, sharing lots of laughter while we picked beans just after the rain.

And now, a sixth generation of kids has been able to learn and grow and receive gifts from this land. It always amazes me the games and things little ones find to do outside, and even how long they concentrate on one game they've decided to play. My nephew can scoop up a bit of dirt and pour it out and scoop it up and pour it out over and over as he stares into it enjoying himself just as much if not more than he does with any store-bought toy we can get. Or he spends ages tearing up grass or smelling flowers and then looking up at us with a smile all over his face saying "smells good". When I come home, I see remnants of Jonah all over the yard - the tiny yellow shovel stuck in a mound of dirt where a fence post hole was dug, the toy excavator stopped in the middle of my partially turned garden plot, little shoes lined up by the door, a Jonah-size tractor that belonged to my brother when we were little left in the middle of the patio. I watch the sun go down and remember him running toward the sunset a few days back, wide-eyed and saying "pretty colors". After I came in tonight and sat down on the floor, he walked over, turned his back to me, bent his head down so his little neck was raised up, and said "gimme kiss". And so I did, right there on his soft baby neck, in between beaming at this darling little boy God indirectly sent into my life.

These are the precious, simple gifts waiting for me when I come home in this life that God gives and orders according to His purpose. I look at my life and the lives of most people I know, and they are filled with frustration as we try to order things ourselves, fret over raising our kids, worry over getting everything we need (times a hundred, as we continually pile up more and more things we don't need), and watch and squirm as this and that thing doesn't seem to work out just as we thought. A friend was telling me something she heard on the radio, a poem or something, told in the voice of a couple of sparrows who watched people fret all around them and sympathized, saying "they must not have a heavenly Father watching over them..." This is how we respond to life so often, not realizing and rejoicing that God is sovereign and good and thus, will provide His children with all we need, not realizing that we can accomplish nothing without Him.

In all the years my family spent planting and tending and harvesting row after row and patch after patch of vegetables every summer, I'd never put that much thought into the level of trust involved in this simple routine. We can sow the seed in the ground, but we can't make those seeds sprout or mature into plants or produce their fruit. We simply must do the work God has prompted us to do and wait for the increase, His increase that is soley under His control. We must trust that they will grow and will survive any level of heat, any storms that arise, or any other animals that are hungry too.

The Lord is reminding me more and more that all I can do is perform the actions He bids me perform and wait for His grace to accomplish the increase. No words I say or write can reach a heart but for God's grace. No sweet kisses on a baby's neck can teach Him the constant, more-than-wonderful love of a Savior but for God's grace. No work I do can flourish or bear fruit but for God's grace. No zeal can last, no peace or joy be found, no unwavering loyalty to Him could grow, but for His grace. And no desire to return could lead me home but for God's grace.

The Wonder Of Easter: He Lives! - Post 2

2010-04-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

The other day, a friend read a beautiful and powerful Easter prayer by Peter Marshall; I looked it up and would like to share an excerpt from it with you.

"...Lead us, we pray Thee, to the grave that is empty, into the garden of the Resurrection where we may meet our risen Lord. May we never again live as if Thou were dead! In Thy presence, restore our faith, our hope, our joy. Grant to our spirits refreshment, rest, and peace..."

What a lovely way to begin an Easter morning! I pray this prayer for me and for you, my dear readers, and I rest on the words, "May we never again live as if Thou were dead." These stand out to me, partly because my friend emphasized them while she read them aloud, encouraging me to take notice.

If Jesus is dead, there would be no atonement for sins; if He is dead, we would die without the hope of a glorious resurrection; if Jesus is dead, our life would be in vain; if He is dead, that would mean that sin and death had won... that we were and are defeated.

But we're not.

Jesus has already overcome all there is to overcome, and that same overcoming power is within us.We so often live as if we are defeated, as if Jesus died and never rose again, as if He is not living and interceeding for us daily. So many things can so easily pull me down - sickness of the body and soul. But I pray this morning that I may never again live as if my precious Savior was dead.

He lives!

He lives to bring His Father, our Father, glory! He lives to work in us and bring us salvation! He lives to make all things new!

When I was little, we sang this song every Easter - sometimes the verses, sometimes only the chorus, which I'll quote for y'all here:

"Then came the morning
Night turned into day
The stone was rolled away
Hope rose with the dawn.

"Then came the morning
Shadows vanished before the sun
Death had lost and life had won
For morning had come!"

Morning is here! May we feel the quiet peace and fresh light of morning every moment as we continue our journey to reach the Father.

So often I feel like the man James describes that sees himself in the mirror and goeth his way, and straightway forgeteth what manner of man he was. I pray that we do not forget who we are: new creatures in Christ, saved by His grace, and offered His powerful weapons to war against sin and worldliness in our lives. I pray we continually rejoice over this wonderful truth, commune with Him who saves us and keeps our souls from falling, and serve Him in whatever way He leads.

The Wonder of Easter: He Lives! - Post 1

2010-04-02T14:20:00.000-07:00

I grew up hearing Mom's story of the first time she heard this song. I've written about it before, but I'll tell it again, just like she does every year.

They were in the arena at the civic center. Lots of people surrounded the stage, but this time of singing along with the Gaither songs they all knew so well felt like an intimate service. When they sang "He Touched Me," they sang as if they truly knew, as if something had happened and their hearts knew that touch that makes us whole.

Then, the Gaithers said they wanted to introduce someone who had written a new song and wanted to share it. And so Don Francisco started singing his song - one voice, one guitar, telling his story.

"The gates and doors were barred
And all the windows fastened down
I spent the night in sleeplessness
And rose at every sound
Half in hopeless sorrow
And half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breakin’ through
To drag us all away

And just before the sunrise
I heard something at the wall
The gate began to rattle
A voice began to call
I hurried to the window
And looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches
And the sound of soldiers’ feet

There was no one there but Mary
So I went down to let her in
John stood there beside me
As she told us where she’d been
She said they’ve moved Him in the night
And none of us knows where
The stone’s been rolled away
Now His body isn’t there

We both ran toward the garden
Then John ran on ahead
We found the stone and the empty tomb
Just the way that Mary said
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in
Was just an empty shell
How or where they’d taken Him
Was more than I could tell

Something strange had happened there
But just what I didn’t know
John believed a miracle
But I just turned to go
Circumstance and speculation
Couldn’t lift me very high
‘Cause I’d seen them crucify him
Then I saw him die

Back inside the house again
The guilt and anguish came
Everything I’d promised Him
Just added to my shame
‘Cuz when at last it came to choices
I denied I knew His name
And even if He was alive
It wouldn’t be the same"

Everyone hung on every word, waiting to see what would happen, as if they had never heard the story... And the sound began to grow in the arena...

"Suddenly the air was filled
With strange and sweet perfume
Light that came from everywhere
Drove the shadows from the room
And Jesus stood before me
With His arms held open wide
And I fell down on my knees
And I just clung to Him and cried

"He raised me to my feet
And as I looked into His eyes
Love was shining out from Him
Like sunlight from the skies
Guilt in my confusion
Disappeared in sweet release
And every fear I’d ever had
Just melted into peace"

And then there were bells, like the bells of several churches ringing out into the room as the excited man sang,

"He’s alive! He’s alive!
He’s alive and I’m forgiven
Heaven’s gates are open wide
He’s alive! He’s alive!
He’s alive and I’m forgiven
Heaven’s gates are open wide
He’s alive! He’s alive!
He’s alive and I’m forgiven
Heaven’s gates are open wide
He’s alive! He’s alive!
He’s alive! He’s alive!"

And the crowd rose to its feet full of an indescribable joy, applauding and applauding for this man's song, for the beautiful music, for the sound of the ringing bells, for the Savior who rose again, for the power of Peter's discovery that Jesus was alive and he was forgiven. The people listening intently to every word of the song had experienced this change that Peter must've felt - from great confusion and sorrow and fear and shame to overwhelming and sweet joy!

"He's alive!" How amazing to know this wasn't the end.

"and I'm forgiven" How amazing to know this new life meant forgiveness for Peter, for us!

We celebrate it specifically at Easter, but Jesus is alive every day and will be forever more. He lives for God's glory. He lives, fighting for us, interceding for us with the Father, ready to empower us with the power that raised Him!

He lives - "Jesus who died, now glorified, King of all Kings!"

Learning about the Precious Concept of Marriage

2010-03-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

Though I believe my blog and the purpose of it have changed as God has changed me and given me new reasons and things to share, it has been a goal and a prayer of mine, for quite a while, to take this wondrous thing God has done out of my betrayal and shame and use it, as He guides me, for His glory.

Over on Stirring the Deep, a fellow traveler and seeker of God’s truth, has been writing on the difficult topic of marriage and divorce, which prompted me to look back over the lessons God has shown me about marriage. I don’t believe God has laid it on my heart to talk about the disintegration of marriage or how to handle the wake of such a situation, but rather, I want to talk about marriage itself.

(If any readers have questions about those other issues, as I’ve often had, I’d encourage all of us to consult the Word, praying hard that we will seek the truth with pure and faithful hearts, not allowing ourselves to be distracted by all the noise of teachers and writers or by our own desires or experience.)

On the concept of marriage…

Among many, many other things that I believe God has been teaching me and convicting me of in the past year, my thoughts on and approach to marriage has been greatly challenged…and, I hope, changed (or at least in the process of changing). Rather than attempting to explain the Godly values instilled in me as I grew up or trying to figure out why I didn’t value them or why deep down the desires of my heart did not match the desires of God’s heart, I’ll just state the bottom line: God has shown me that the way I thought of marriage and my desire to be married did not match His grand design.

For a long time, I greatly desired to experience a man’s love and be his wife. As I made my way through school and work, I always considered these as tentative plans to fill my time until my greatest desire to be a married keeper at home was realized. It is true that God said that a woman’s desire would be toward her husband (Genesis 3:16) and that many women’s callings throughout the Bible are ones of wives and mothers, nurturers and tenders, but when the desire to be these things usurps the desire to please God and becomes a love greater than Him, it is dangerous.

Not only was my heart thirsting after marriage and the pleasures that come with it more than God, but it was also full of selfishness. Marriage became what I wanted to fill my needs and give me pleasure. Marriage was about ME: I want to be a wife; I want to be fulfilled; I want what I want…

Whatever happened to wanting what God wants, I don’t know… during that time, my heart fainted in its trust that God would provide me with everything I needed. My heart fainted in its love and loyalty to God (or perhaps had never loved at all in the way He deserves to be loved). My heart fainted in its love for others.

The fainting of my heart became the fainting of my thoughts… The fainting of my thoughts became the fainting of my will and my deeds.

This is history, and I think it’s time to let it go while still clinging to another one of the great lessons God has given me – this one about life and marriage.

Life is about God – serving Him, loving Him, walking humbly with Him, praising Him, following Him through any situation He leads us.

With this in mind and heart, I can say with excitement and great anticipation that my life – single or married – should be about God: serving Him, loving Him, walking humbly with Him, praising Him, following Him through any situation He leads me.

As I commented on the post over on Stirring the Deep, marriage is perhaps the most challenging and most unique way we can glorify God by exemplifying Christ’s relationship with His Church.

“Marriage is a oneness, divine, and indivisible…” *

This is one of the most beautiful descriptions of marriage that I have ever heard, and it just begins to scratch the surface of what marriage could and should be and how it is like the oneness of God and His Son and Christ's Church. Paul exhorts us that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it and that wives should love and obey their husbands, just as we, the Church, are to love and obey Christ. Love and obedience are always intermingled; this is true in our lives as children of God, and this should be true of the way we handle Godly marriages (see Ephesians chapter 5, and also see John 14-15).

In a more general sense, Paul reminds us that the Church exists to be the Body of Christ, to be an extension of Him, to be the limbs and joints and muscles for Him to do His work. This progression of Godly wisdom is what brings me to a powerful thought: our lives are solely His to perform His purpose for His glory. Knowing that we belong to Him and knowing that He orders all things according to His purpose, I believe He will lead His children into the relationships or lack of them that will best serve His purpose and our salvation.

Thus, it is my prayer to serve God in all of my life, fervently, with great passion and love for Him and His Kingdom. Single or married, I pray He takes my life and uses it for Himself. I believe some serve better as a pair and some serve better alone. Either way, I wish to give this question, my future, and all of my dreams and desires to my precious and patient King to do with as He will, knowing that either way, He will order my life to His glory and either way, as long as I follow Him, I will be fulfilling His purpose for me and He will satisfy me like none other.

While I wait on His direction, I pray I will always, only seek HIS love and favor, traveling and resting on whatever road He leads me down. Whatever life holds - singleness or marriage or whatever else - I expect that it will be full of both trials and joys, difficulties and blessings, as life has already been. I expect that I will not be able to live this life in a way that pleases God without His grace and power enabling me to do so.

I’ll close with a verse from an old hymn that came to my mind for some reason; it was a favorite of a special great aunt of mine:

“He speaks and the sound of His voice

Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,

And the melody that He gave to me

Within my heart is ringing.

And He walks with me

And He talks with me

And He tells me I am His own.

And the joy we share

As we tarry there

None other has ever known.”**

*Quoted from one of Peter Marshall's sermons in A Man Called Peter

**Second verse of the hymn "In the Garden"

What a Fellowship!

2010-03-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

I was so blessed and challenged by growing up in a very small rural church, where coming together meant either spending time in worship, prayer, Bible study, or work (as in physical, get-up-and-keep-the-place-clean-and-in-good repair kind of work). As much as I have been baffled and disappointed that I have been so distracted by pop culture and wordliness or the world's way of living in later years, I look back and know that a firm foundation was set for me! When I read and begin to really absorb the wonderful, holy Truths in God's Word, truths that brothers and sisters remind me of so beautifully and faithfully in their own writings, these truths seem at the same time so new and so old. New because they are touching, opening, or melting my heart in a new way that is more personal and exquisite than anything I have ever experienced before; old because they are most definitely truths that I have heard and been taught as long as I can remember.

My childhood church was more of the real thing than I have personally experienced since. The church had a reputation of not going along with "headquarters" because these homespun, Bible readers knew what they believed and stood by it, even to the point of publicly, though quietly, disagreeing with the crowd in order to stand. When classes commenced, lessons were directly from the Holy Scriptures as whoever was "teaching" felt led at that time; no programs or structured lessons threatened to quench the Spirit. People of all ages worshipped together, listened to a sermon together, studied the Bible together, and prayed together.

I was so young that I missed some of the wonderful years of service and fellowship that my elders remember from the church's former days and that I only have a few vivid memories. Still, the memories I do have, and the memories the Spirit brings back to me are ones that testify to the firm foundation my elders in that church laid for me to follow and build upon. The Spirit reminds me both of God's calling to my heart during those early years and my own very incomplete answer! Thankfully, by His grace, He still calls, and I believe He is drawing me closer to Him and working in me for His own purpose with His own magnificent power!

I shared this description of the past God ordered for me because of the old hymn that keeps coming to mind lately that I learned at that old church and because of the Scriptures God sent to me this week that taught me a new wonder. The hymn is "Leaning on the Lasting Arms":

What a fellowship, what a joy divine
Leaning on the everlasting arms!
What a blessedness, what a peace is mine
Leaning on the everlasting arms!
Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms
Leaning, leaning
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

What have I to dread, what have I to fear
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms.
Leaning, leaning
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Oh how sweet to walk, in this pilgrim way
Leaning on the everlasting arms!
Oh how bright the path grows from day to day
Leaning on the everlasting arms!
Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms.
Leaning, leaning
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

It's a song of faith, a song I can imagine joyful elders singing who have walked that pilgrim way for years, those who have walked in victory and faith with peace and brightness because they have been leaning on the everlasting arms of the Father all along their way. It's a song my heart has fondly sung at times and a song my troubled heart has longed to sing at other times, feeling even more troubled for not being able to sing it with truth, but a few days ago, my gracious Lord sent me two truths that enabled my heart to feel surrounded by loving arms that were lifting me up and protecting me from alarm. These truths came in Romans:

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. 8:26

What a comfort and peace it afforded my soul to realize that the Spirit is always in my, praying to the Father when I am weak and know not what to pray!

What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth. Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. 8:31-34

In just a few words, Paul reminds us of what God has done to justify us and to give us all things, and he reminds us of what Christ continues to do for us daily as He interceeds for us with the Father (also see Hebrews 9-10 and 1 John 2:1).

What a glorious fellowship this is to have the Father who is sovereign and ordered these things to happen to call, justify, sanctify, and restore His people to Himself; the Son who gave His all to fulfill His Father's will and atone for our sins so that we can inherit His Fathers kindgom along with Him; and the Spirit who dwells within us to lead us, teach us the truth, and pray for us where our own prayers fall short. What a fellowship with these Three in One who are with us always, for God's kingdom, for God's glory, for our salvation! I can barely comprehend it! but thanks to God for giving me this glimpse!

Our God: A Glowing, Flaming, Consuming Fire!

2010-03-09T22:03:00.000-08:00

The colors of the sky yesterday afternoon as I headed home were generally mild and unassuming. The eastern sky was a rich but pastel blue that gradually became a gentle shade of dusty rose closer and closer to the sun, but there, right around that glowing mass of fire that looks like a perfect disc from such a distance, the sky was a deep, very majestic, very gorgeous fuchsia. And the sun itself was like a mixture of bright, electric orange and coral. A gorgeous sight to behold... making it so difficult to look away and watch the road! :-)

Such a fire as the sun is a consuming fire - this is why so many are concerned about the depleting barrier that protects us from the sun, but in terms of my spirit, I know and I simultaneously shudder and glory in the fact that I - Ruth Miriam Weeks Johnson - must be tried by fire, so that every part of me that is not also part of God may be discarded and utterly destroyed so that all the "I" in me will be dead with Christ so that He Himself may live in me and count me as part of His Bride!

"Our God is a consuming fire," Paul writes at the end of Hebrews chapter 12. A consuming fire: gorgeous with flaming color and light just as the sun I was privileged to behold yesterday, but also pure as fire, holy and without blemish, completely intolerant to sin, He is able and just in destroying anything unholy in His presence. A fire I am just beginning to feel the heat from. I pray He burns away the chaff and molds a vessel of pure metal that passes the trial, perhaps even a vessel of pure gold, meet and ready for His use (see 2 Timothy 2:21). And I pray I endure the trial with joy and hope so that my faith “being much more precious than gold … though it be tried by fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7).

On the last phase of the journey home, I also witnessed a literal fire. I see them or make them fairly often. It’s just part of our culture here in rural Alabama to burn things, whether it’s garbage, old tree stumps that need to be gotten rid of, brush piles, or whatever, so yesterday when I noticed a couple along the way, it wasn’t a particularly surprising sight. But the last one I saw was a wood fire with some fairly hefty logs that looked like they would take several hours to burn away. It was a slow fire, the kind that doesn’t flame but glows, and this one was glowing red and purple, like a flickering light shimmering between the two colors, colors of royalty. As plain as it may sound to you, it was beautiful and again reminded me of the beauty of my God who is a consuming fire.

Royal and regal, He is an eternal flame that shines His wondrous light into the world, sometimes as a dancing blaze full of wrath, sometimes as a steady lamp that sustains and feeds, sometimes as a slow fire that gently but painstakingly burns away waste and excess. However He chooses to perform His work in each moment for each one of us, He is most assuredly a flame that lasts, never dying but lighting us eternally.

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105

Taking Hold of the Covenant

2010-03-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago, I returned to some Scriptures in Isaiah that the Spirit gave me several months ago, revealing God’s beautiful promises of mercy and Lordship to me.

My morning that day had been marked by a strange and very frustrating feeling that the devil was hard at work trying to steal my trust in God’s promises, trying to steal my joy, trying to shake my resolve to look forward and not back, trying to draw my focus onto my weaknesses rather than God’s strength.

That cruel and wicked one continually wages his war, but for some reason, there are days when it’s harder for me to shut him up or fight back than others… that morning felt like one of those times, so that’s why I reopened Isaiah, starting with chapter 54, reviewing God’s Word and remembering a time months ago when I had run across these precious verses. Sitting on the floor by a window, I read, “For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment, but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord, thy Redeemer” (7-8). The prophet was speaking these words of God to a nation, to Israel, but in that moment, the Spirit spoke them to my broken and contrite heart, warming up that place in my soul where I had felt an icy fear, convicted at my own betrayal of my precious Lord and uncertain of His reaction toward me. The Beauty, Wonder, and Terror of the prophets lie in such revelations of God’s anger and His mercy. Side by side, they reveal the glory of God – His holiness that cannot abide sin and His love and mercy to forgive His repentant children so that we can abide with Him.

The Spirit continues to remind me that when He said “great mercy” and “everlasting kindness” that is exactly what He meant. Even then He foresaw, as He foresees all things, all the ups and downs that were in my future and everything I would do and say or not do and not say… and still He said, “with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee”! Still, He said, “So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it. For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands” (Isaiah 55:11-12)
At the time, my heart was full of gladness at these words, but I was focused on the hope that God’s Word in me would accomplish something outside of myself. This time, reading through these old, wonderful words, the Spirit reminds me that I am the “thing” He sent His Word to, that I am always in need of the healing balm of His Word, and that His Word will accomplish what He pleases in me!

And now, He has given me something new to ponder and meditate on… As I continued drinking up this blessed Word that morning a couple of days ago, my eyes stayed upon a repeated phrase in chapter 56. “Take hold of my covenant,” God says through the prophet. He calls us to do the things that please the Lord and “take hold of [his] covenant”! And so, He has blessed me and challenged me with this new thing to wrestle over in my days and nights of wrestling prayer, in my fights with the Lord to overcome our enemy, in my communion with the Lord Himself to wrestle with Him as Jacob did to possess God’s blessing and His covenant.

So Lord willing, and by His power alone, I hope to reach for His promise, diligently seek Him, and not let go until His cleansing, justifying, sanctifying work is done in me!

After contemplating this journey to “take hold” of the Lord’s covenant, I visited a sister’s blog who reminded me, once again, of a old, faithful Scripture: “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). This letter of Paul’s is precious to me, full of reminders that “it is God which worketh in [me] both to will and to do of his good pleasure” and to follow Paul’s lead in “forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (3:13-14)!

...

Since originally writing the above, I had another Ludy moment I'd like to share. Actually, let me just quote a passage Eric Ludy wrote in The Bravehearted Gospel: "We need a faith that... actually fixes what is broken, that is willing to wage war for what is right, and that is determined to conquer by the power of God. This isn't a faith that embraces mountains but moves them. This isn't a faith that wilts in the heat of the battle but wrestles until God's deliverance is wrought in the Earth. It's a faith more like the Jacob variety, the kind that says, 'This is what God said He would do, and so I'm going to wrestle in prayer until it becomes a reality.' ... Faith, in all its fulness, will persist, knock, beg, ask, and wrestle until the realities of the cross are fully evidenced in this natural world. Why have we become a bunch of weak-willed nerfs? And why are we rolling over and accepting such defeat? Let's rise up with prayer and fasting and wrestle through the night until we lay hold of God and all that He has promised!" My two reactions to reading this, captured rather un-neatly in the margins of my book, were (1) realizing that I don't have this kind of faith and praying for God to increase my faith and (2) realizing with near giddiness that what this brother was reminding me to do is what I already experienced God's Word telling me to do just a few days ago! I love those moments when I know, for sure...without a doubt, what God is leading me to do, and so I'm starting this day, admittedly daunted by the desparity between what I am and what God wants me to be, but trusting that He Himself will accomplish it with all His mighty weapons (see 2 Corinthians 10; Ephesians 6)!

No Less Days

2010-02-25T22:29:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, I remember watching tv with my mom when someone was singing "Amazing Grace." I don't remember what the program was; I just remember that I was sitting close to the tv and the woman singing was wearing a golden gown. When she sang the last verse...

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun...

those words hit me like nothing I had ever experienced before. I felt very far away from where I physically was, in this beyond-the-world sort of place, where my soul was allowed for a tiny moment to feel the enormity of ten thousand years, the incomprehensible notion that even after all those ten thousand years, there will be no less days than there were in the beginning. My mind could not grasp eternity and still can't, but in that long ago moment, sitting there as a little girl, it was as if my soul went beyond the location of my body and beyond the understanding of my mind to absorb a glimpse of an existence without time.

The moment was golden with lots of shadowy darkness around it, like those odd moments I have when my head aches and I get up so suddenly the world becomes dark except for a pinpoint of light directly in front of me. A glow with lots of darkness around it. My heart was overwhelmed and afraid. There was something very different here than the tangible world around me. A something with no physical substance.

In my prayers over the past year, feeling this scary, wonderful tug and grip upon my heart, that draws me beyond everything I know and calls me to lose myself in God, crucified to live again in His light, learning His secrets, and feeling His blood scrub and wash away the ugliness in me, I have asked and sought understanding about my relationship with Him from the beginning. Through years of lack of love for Him, like the hearts grown cold Jesus talks about, through the days of time spent anywhere but with Him, through the acts and thoughts of betrayal, my dear Lord's precious Holy Spirit reminded me of something. A while back, He sent me a memory - this golden memory of sitting in front of that tv with that woman in the golden gown singing about the brightness of heaven where even after ten thousand years, there would be no less days than there were at the beginning. He reminded me that He was there, that He has always been there.

God, the most powerful being that exists, maker of heaven and earth, creator of all people, controller of all things, Holier than anything around Him, was there with me at that moment, giving me a gift. A gift of looking beyond what I saw and heard. A gift of not just hearing those words with my senses and my mind but hearing them with my soul. A gift because His Spirit was calling mine!

The more time I spend with Him, the more moments I have of anticipating... wondering over... becoming anxious for... the day when everything between my Father and me - earth, bodies, Satan, limited mentalities, everything tangible, everything man has put together and called it his 'creation', and everything that cannot comprehend the bigness of HIM - will be destroyed. Then we will be face to face; that glow will be everywhere, and that shadowy darkness will be so far away from me that all I am aware of is the glow. Then, all of our existence - the lives and souls of everyone He admits into His presence and His inheritance - will be completely wrapped up in Him, praising Him continually, worshipping Him continually, unable to take our eyes off Him because He is the only sight worth seeing. Then, we will finally rest in His loving arms because all the battles will be won and Satan will be trapped far away from us and away from God's presence so that he and his people cannot harm us or attempt to harm us any longer. And all of us - Father, Son, Holy Ghost, and Bride - will bask and glory in all of the delights that we will partake of forever... forever with no ending.

I can hardly begin to grasp this perfect picture of forever... I certainly don't want to imagine or ever experience the alternative picture of forever, never able to be with Him, always with the one - our enemy - who fought his battles and took his souls down with him. But this truth - these two choices of having no less days after ten thousand years than when we begun to be either surrounded and filled with the glow OR surrounded and filled with that awful, scary, never-ending darkness - taught me and called to me all those years ago as a little girl.

Oh that I will always glory in the glow and never turn to the darkness!

And the city had no need of the sun, neither the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. Revelation 21:23

Even now, His light is with me and His presence fills me with awe and tearful gratitude as my soul hears Him say, I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star. Revelation 22:1

The Fabric of Our Days

2010-02-24T00:43:00.000-08:00

In a recent blog conversation over on Desire Spiritual Growth, a reader made a comment about prayer being part of the “fabric of our days.” I love that notion, of everything we do during a day being a thread, and all the threads being woven together to create fabric. I’ve been contemplating and wondering what all the threads are in the fabric of my days.

Truly, God has blessed my days and filled them with much wonder and beauty, so there are some very gorgeous threads in my fabric. There are the rich, vivid, and colorful threads of praying, reading God’s Word, blog-talking with y’all, face-to-face talking with my sisters in Christ, reading books by brothers and sisters in Christ, playing with my nephew and getting a taste of being a homemaker through cooking and keeping house alongside my mom, driving through the country and drinking in the wonders of God, looking for opportunities and ways to serve Him and take part in His marvelous work. There are a few fairly dull threads of working as a tech writer, taking care of business and financial matters, trying to remember all the little necessities I need to do each day to help keep our house and property in order, and so forth. Then there are the very thin threads of areas of my life that obviously need reinforcing like reaching out to others to aid their physical needs or share Christ’s love with them, staying focused on what is truly important, listening more than talking, and laying aside my selfishness in every single one of those moments during the day where I could give in to myself or do the disciplined or helpful thing for another.

As I think of our culture and average lifestyles (with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the helpful, Godly perspective of Eric and Leslie Ludy), I realize not just how many “threads” in our culture are sinful, but how many are compromising and just distracting from what is important. Even the lives of so many of us believers are busy and noisy with activities and entertainment and stuff and opinions and… the list goes on. It’s like a friend telling me about her preschool kids that keep going with their painting or drawing until they pass right on by having a pretty picture and end up ruining it. So often it seems, our fabric is the same; we keep going until it’s a mess!

God has blessed me with many lessons and challenges, His Spirit pushing me to consider what is truly important and evaluate all areas of my life in the light of His standards and commandments. He has been helping me do this for a long time. There are many areas of my inward and outward life God has been renewing; here are just a few of those.

Education: Our culture is very focused on the “need” for education: apparently, we need to be well-educated, go to the best schools, and get more and more education; we need to perform occupations and spend our time doing things that cultivate our minds; we need to understand the past and present and spend lots of time in studying, learning, and experimenting to find out how everything works. We are pushed to learn much more than the basic information and skills we need to live God-fearing lives, walking humbly with our Lord. As a college student sort of planning to be a college professor (“sort of planning” because I was really hoping to be a “keeper at home” tending to my house and family rather than being a working girl), my life used to be very wrapped up with education and the academic system, but for various reasons, I quit grad school, and God has completely changed my perspective since then. He has taught me that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge (Proverbs 1:7); in our pursuit of worldly knowledge, perhaps we are forgetting that God’s ways are past finding out, that our hearts are deceitful, that man’s wisdom is foolishness to God, that study is a weariness of the flesh, and that our sole purpose is to fear God and keep His commandments (Ecclesiastes 12:12-13)! I want to be careful not to lean on my own understanding or the “knowledge” I’ve picked up along the way, but rather abide in God’s Word, listening and trusting that the Holy Spirit will lead me into all the understanding I need to travel the straight and narrow path to eternal life with my Lord (John 16:13).

Entertainment: We, as a culture, spend a lot of time being entertained. Part of the reason why I was interested in literary studies or composition in college is because I enjoy reading/writing and thinking about how books or movies work to tell a story, highlight their themes, and give our minds and emotions a new experience. As much as I enjoy these media and see great opportunities for beautiful or important stories to be shared through writing and music and art, more often than not, these tools are not used to God’s glory, and I’m beginning to believe that any media not used for God’s glory does not deserve my time – either because it distracts from what is important (at best), because it gives place to the devil, or because participating in it is sinful (at worst). How often does what we read, watch, or listen to give the devil access to confuse us with his lies, tempt us to sin, lull us into not hating sin like God does, teach us to fit with the world and be a friend to it more than a friend to God? My precious Lord has done so much to show me the importance of having a clean mind and a pure heart (think of Jesus’ warnings that looking lustfully is the same as committing adultery or hating someone is the same as committing murder in Matthew; remember Paul’s claim that is shameful to even speak of evil things done in secret in Ephesians). Many books I read in college were full of perversions and sins, rarely condemning the wickedness and even more rarely glorifying God or pointing to the truth, and most of them were too explicit not to endanger the goal of keeping a clean mind, especially a mind already predisposed to particular kinds of weaknesses. The Word of God doesn’t give us specific answers, absolutes, or rules about what to watch or read, but it does give us a clear picture of what God wants for us and commands to us: purity and holiness (see Psalm 119, Galatians, Ephesians, and other Scriptures). Personally, I don’t see how I could continue reading or watching some of the things either shoved at me or welcomed by me in the past and keep the purity and holiness of mind, heart, and actions that God calls for! And as He draws me closer to Him, sharing His secrets and the beauty of His Word and His works, those old things hold less fascination or enjoyment for me; this is certainly an answer to prayer!

Society: Some of my thoughts on socializing relate to the above thoughts on entertainment since choosing what to do with others is always a question, but otherwise, God has given me many lessons and advice on interacting with others. Paul warns us not to yoke ourselves with unbelievers and not to have fellowship with the works of darkness, so I’ve learned that if being with certain people tempts me to participate in conversations or actions that go against God’s commandments, I need to walk away. Several relationships I had in college leaned toward selfishness, irresponsibility, compromise, conversations not to God’s glory, discussions that should not have been talked about as anything other than confessions and requests for prayer to fellow believers, idle chatter that was not a great use of my time, and jesting and jokes about those same “works of darkness” that we should not participate in. Now that I’m not around those people very much if at all, God has prompted me to pray for them and for forgiveness for being a bad example! A few times, I’ve felt led to reach out to them and have; other times, I’ve felt led to let them go. Either way, they are in my prayers. As far as interaction with fellow believers, I feel God’s Spirit challenging me to follow Ephesians 4:29: Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers. I wonder how much of my communication yesterday ministered grace unto my hearers… I shudder to realize how little. Complaints, frustrations, fruitless small talk, chitter chatter about unimportant or worldly matters, and so forth characterize much of my conversation. I am so thankful for the many wonderful conversations I have had learning about God, sharing wonder about His work, swapping reminders of His faithfulness and sovereignty, exchanging challenges to faint not and follow God in word and deed, and describing amazement at the depth and expanse of His love and mercy, but I am painfully aware how many other conversations do not live up to this standard! Even social interactions through networks, like blogging and Facebook, I believe I should live up to this standard: to edify and exhort in interactions with believers and to witness and behave differently in interactions with nonbelievers. I have been praying for God to help me and to flavor and enrich all my conversation with His truth and wisdom; I’d appreciate your prayers in that area as well!

Work: To be honest, I get very frustrated with my work. In the grand scheme of God’s work, it seems so very unimportant! And in any case, it’s very tedious; we write occasionally but more often edit documents that have been edited to death, all for the purpose of giving instructions to users who may or may not read them and may or may not understand or be helped by them. *sigh* I pray continually for direction on this; because God is sovereign and because of the smooth circumstances of me getting a job here when I decided to quit grad school and start working, I believe I am here for a reason, maybe just to reach out to some of the people I have met here to edify and encourage fellow believers and be a witness to nonbelievers. Still, I wonder if this is a destination or just a stop along the road; I’d appreciate your prayers on this with me, dear readers! As far as work in light of how it relates to being a thread in the day’s fabric and testing to see if it is approved of God, He reminds me that whatever the task, all is to be done as to Him, not to please men but for His glory. So, I am challenged daily to serve my bosses well and to obey those set above me as God instructs us.

The System: By “the system,” I mean government, workplaces, laws, insurance, jobs, material goods, the health-care/medical system, the school system, extra-curricular activities, humanitarian efforts, and so on. John’s warnings not to be friend of the world and Paul’s reminder to be separate from other peoples push me to wonder, what does it mean to live in the world but be separate from it? and how much of my time and lifestyle should look like everybody else’s? We have to obey the laws and governing bodies in our lives, rendering unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, but how many things do we do as the world does, not because it is the law but because it is easier? It seems we so often allow our concerns about money, insurance, fitting into society, or getting into an important college or job to dictate how we live instead of following God’s commandments and trusting Him to be our Provider! If a job (or the money it generates or the insurance it provides) is getting in the way of us doing the work God has given us, whether it’s nurturing and admonishing children to bring them up in the way they should go OR being a keeper at home OR living a chaste and holy life, it would be better to quit and trust God’s guidance and provision than to go along, breaking His commandment, excusing ourselves by saying it’s just something we have to do or that’s just the way our lives turned out. When our decisions are made solely based on God’s guidance and the prompting of His Spirit, not based on others’ opinions, financial/business concerns, etc., that’s when we will truly be participating in God’s system, not the world’s. I constantly pray for God to teach me to live as He wants me to. I remember hearing about an interview of someone from an Amish community, saying that being Amish was not her religion; rather it provided the type of simple, quiet lifestyle that allowed her to be truly focused on God and His ways. I pray we all live a lifestyle that continually provokes us to be still and know that God is God!

Writing through these topics and thoughts I’ve been having was really helpful for me. Sometimes just focusing on what God has already taught me, the Truth I already know gives me the wisdom I need for the next step, the next battle!

As I walk and fight, I pray the fabric my days are weaving is free from the dark and ugly threads of sin and compromise, free from the thin threads of weakness that threaten to make the whole fabric fall apart, free from too many extra and unnecessary threads that ruin the beautiful pattern that could be created, and full of strong, vibrant, and colorful threads that glorify and honor my Father!

Happy!

2010-02-20T07:22:00.000-08:00

I sing
because I'm happy.

I sing
because I'm free.*

It's another beautiful morning here in North Alabama! I watched the sunrise, watching my doves put on a show for me in the sunlight. A wonderful way to start this new day.

Praising God for His goodness and presence here with me and praying for all of you, my dear readers.

I got another Ludy book last night. I've seen it and picked it up a couple of times but was putting it off for sure until I finished Wrestling Prayer but also waiting to see what was next because God reminds me always that His Word is the best communion directly with His law and His Gospel and that I should trust Him first and best, not allowing myself to rely on or admire any human so much that I am in danger of putting him on a pedestal above where He ought to be. I am thankful, though, for the work God is doing through Eric Ludy; his writing always points me to the True Teacher, our King and Father and stirs me up and gives me energy to push and fight forward! So...as I was standing there in the bookstore, wondering over all the books there, worrying a bit over all the potential for false teaching and soft, faky stabs at Christianity all over the shelves, I picked up another Ludy book, The Bravehearted Gospel: you know you're not going to read fluff in a Ludy book. As I was flipping through the book, my eyes rested on this sentence, "I realize that you are probably in a bookstore at this moment, previewing this book and wondering if you should buy it." I laughed...and bought the book, praying then and now that these will be tools God uses to stir me up and truly transform my life and perform His work in me, not just another passtime that will be forgotten once the back cover is closed.

I bring this up on this absolutely gorgeous day while I am feeling absolutely radiant and so full of joy and love because once again I realize the oneness of God's people, that wherever we are, whatever age, in whatever country, with whatever situation we are in presentely, we, the Church, are all fighting and living together in the Spirit. So to all of you who have become my band of faithful friends and siblings in our precious Lord, remember this: I am praying for you, daily bringing you and all the saints before my Father in my communion with Him. It's a glorious feeling to talk with Him, to share with Him, to plead for His continual help and guidance for myself and all of us, especially when the sunlight He created is shining on me and the doves He created and referred to in His Book are circling and showing off for me!

So here we are...all together...fighting and loving our Lord! Strength and patience, grace and peace to you, true sons and daughters of the Most High God. Godspeed!

*Civilla Martin, "His Eye Is on the Sparrow"

Dancing Doves: Filled with His Spirit, Awed by His Love

2010-02-18T22:28:00.000-08:00

...and lo, the heavens were opened unto him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove, and lighting upon him. And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Matthew 3:16-17

This morning, walking through my yard, I kept seeing doves fly by, swooping here and there form tree to tree. They flew near me, sometimes beside me, sometimes before me... Once, a single dove few across my window of sight only to turn and loop back toward me. I slowly spun completely around to watch him soar and then light in a maple tree. Once, a pair of doves flew forward, moving alongside me and then past me; they were so close I could make out the details of their plump, soft-looking, gray-brown bodies and their gorgeous outstretched wings against the deep blue sky. There were so many of them at once, making themselves noticeable with all their movement, their bodies, bigger than so many birds, standing out everywhere they went.

Remembering a prayer for God to share His wonders with me and enable me to truly feel awe and wonder at His magnificent works, I did indeed stand in awe. Remembering that verse in Matthew and how I have begun to think of doves, especially doves in flight, as a reminder that God's Holy Spirit is working in me, I stood in satisfaction and contentment, resting in His ability to work in me and feeling less frustrated with myself than I often am.

I am still amazed at how the Spirit works. I have prayed for God to create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me (see Psalm 51), and I have felt and witnessed His work. Though so many victories have been "small" by some standards, they are great victories as I have experienced them.

I have prayed for the Spirit to teach and guide me, and He has done so in many ways. One way has been sending thoughts and questions to my mind and then confirming them over and over through His Word and the act of my brothers' and sisters' writing; it really is amazing how many blogs and whatever book I was reading at the time would discuss the same issue at the same time, or maybe that's just how I was reading them. Either way, whether the Spirit is leading the writers or me as a reader, it's astounding how He works! I remember a while back really wanting to get in touch with an old friend (long story so I won't give the context), but as I contemplated that, I suddenly remembered a line from a devotional I had recently read: "When God closes a door, don't try to open it."* So, following the guidance He put in my heart, I left the door shut, and though I still miss that friend sometimes, I feel peace about it (reminds me of a lyric: "lost the friends that I needed loosing, found others on the way"**). In such ways, God has led me and helped me countless times.

One of the most wonderful ways He has answered my prayers for guidance is the way He has opened His Word to me. I won't be able to recount all the times and all the lessons learned here (though some are mentioned in my past blog posts), but I'll say that when my life began to really change, when the Holy Spirit gripped my heart and started a new work, a hunger and thirst for the Word came to my soul. I needed answers to some important questions and the Word drew me to it. I wanted to know for sure, and the Spirit convicted me that only the living Word of God could give me certainty, for only the Word truly knows the heart of God and the heart within me. I've begun to realize how truly important this is and how He is the best and true Teacher. Other teachers often confirm truths, remind me of them, and edify me with their encouragement and prayers, but only the Word, revealed and made plain by the Holy Spirit, knows all and is beyond making mistakes.

Last year, I came upon Hosea, and the words in chapter 2 seemed meant just for me. Some verses I have underlined, that still give me strength and hope are 19-20: And I will betroth the unto me for ever; yea, I will betroth the unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the Lord. Knowing God is a special and precious thing... I cannot even begin to grasp or describe how precious a thing it is; I know I don't even deserve such privileged information, such a close connectedness with Him, but this is part of His saving, loving Gospel! Not only does He forgive, but He also shares His secrets with His people; He comes to abide within us; He fills us with His own Spirit so that we can bear His fruit; He guides us with His light and wisdom.

Part of knowing God is knowing love (see John 14 and 1 John). I had one of those beautiful moments yesterday in which my Lord comes to me like a cool shower that washes over you on a hot summer day, giving you sweet relief and gladness.

I was thinking about the experience of being loved. Being loved no matter what we do is one of God's greatest gifts to us. And I don't mean this fluffy love that "spiritual" people talk about to imply that nothing we do matters; God's Word is clear about His hatred of sin, about His command that His children be holy, and the truth that His love is wrapped up in sacrifice and in His law. But what I mean is that we live in a world that likes us only as long as we please it and perform the way it wants us to, but God's love is not dependent on our performance or what we give or do for Him. He loves us because He loves us!

I have prayed Ephesians 3:14-21 for myself and others, and yesterday I had a further glimpse of this wonderful love of Christ which passeth knowledge. When I said I was thinking about being loved, I was actually thinking about particular people, including a few of my readers (you know who you are) who have loved me and continued loving me even as they get to know me better. To be known and loved: this is a joyful experience. God fully knows us and fully loves us like no one else can, but these people who love me are a precious gift as well.

Our culture is so much about pushing and pushing each one of us to achieve and perform and gain wordly success. It happened that God granted me a few gifts and talents in school and work that have at some times in some ways, prompted people to lean on me or award me. These things can masquerade as love, but this was not love. Somehow, I fell into this rut of constantly needing to perform and deliver if I wanted to please them. I always felt as though I had to do that or they would walk away. Many have, but yesterday as I was thinking, it was almost like God was revealing to me that I haven't had much experience with being loved, truly loved. In the cases I was thinking of, where people still love me even after getting to know me a little better, I realized that God was continuing His beautiful lessons in love, teaching me that it is completely selfless and expects nothing but instead continually pours out its beauty to bathe and refresh the one loved with joy and gladness, affection and delight. Through the special friends I have and in all His own lovely ways of speaking to me, God is giving me a very great and gracious gift, and He is teaching me how to accept it and showing me how to pass it on!

*Angus Buchan, A Farmer's Year, daily truth to change your life
**MacLean Dougie, "Caledonia"

Hope from Despair: Gentle Talk of Truth and Comfort

2010-02-15T23:28:00.000-08:00

With all the talk of tragedy, speculation, and accusations, I was glad to receive moment of encouragement and words to build us up this Sunday morning. The service I went to was gentle and humble, resting in the truth and promises of God's aid.

The minister there spoke with gravity but with hope about the two shootings in our city lately (middle school and college). When many say we can't understand why, he reminded us of God's teaching that sin has entered the world and that any of us, without God's Holy Spirit, would be sinful and depraved.

A friend pointed out the other day that it must've been horrible for Eve to know that her act of disobedience brought sin into the world and led to the world's first murder: her son killing her other son. Eve's position is heart-wrenching in two ways because she lost the company of one son and because she had to live knowing the other son had done this, had killed someone... Families here are dealing with each of these issues too.

Without God, human nature is sinful, so of course the fruit we bear is sin. With God, with His Spirit revealing the truth, with His goodness moving us to repentance and working in us, we will bear fruits of the Spirit. Ephesians chapter 2 and 5 have discussions of these two states--being children of disobedience or children of the light, of God--that is both beautiful and sobering. May we rest in this truth and not be deceived; there is no neutral ground as everyone is either serving the "prince of the power of the air" or the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! (Also see the helpful and explicit passages in Galatians 5 and Romans.)

In the midst of the service, the minister led us in prayer, asking God to strengthen and help believers and to use these events, however tragic, to teach the Truth about salvation and life/death to any non-believers in the situation.

Writing that, I'm reminded of the Scriptures at the end of Jude where he says that with some, we may make a difference with compassion but that with others, we must "save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment spotted by flesh" (Jude 22-23). I think I belonged to the latter group when God pulled me from the fire.

Like David, "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statues" (Psalm 119:71).

When affliction comes, as we know it will, I pray it will work as a trial to test and purge and grow the faith of those who are believers (1 Peter 1:7) or as a teacher to convict and convert those who are not.

I am blessed beyond measure that God is faithful to convict me of my sin, lead me to repentance, and shower me with mercy! The work is all His, but I am glad and honored to be His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)!

Before his prayer Sunday, the minister asked us to spend some time in meditation. As we did, the pianist played an old familiar hymn. Though only the sound was heart, the words played over in my mind and one line stood out to me:

"What He did there

Brought hope from despair

Oh how He love you

Oh how He loves me

Oh how He loves you and me"

Anticipating Healing: Reflections on a Tragic Event

2010-02-13T20:56:00.000-08:00

For a few days now, I've been contemplating and making notes for my next post, but after what happened yesterday, I just need to pause in those plans and write about this event.

There was a shooting yesterday at the campus where I went to college. Three people are dead; three people are injured, and one woman has just committed a horrible sin.

My thoughts are probably about to be all over the place, but a few thoughts are clear: God is sovereign and good. Period. Evil and sin have been around for a long time, since the Garden of Eden in fact, so what has happened is nothing new, though there are some hearts out there right now that are aching with the pain of fresh wounds! Events like what has happened can be controlled by nothing less than God ultimately defeating Satan and purging the world of all evil forever. He purged the world once with water after observing that the earth is filled with violence (Genesis 6:13). When He comes again, He will purge the world with fire and create a new heaven and a new earth (2 Peter 3). Until then, though it is painful and difficult to endure, evil is to be expected, and all trials and tribulations are common to man.

Sources are unclear about the motives of this faculty member shooting her colleagues, and frankly, I think only God can know all the things that were truly going on in her mind and heart, but there is speculation about issues with the university administration and anger over not gaining tenure. This news prompted some conversation this morning and about this worldly wisdom and this track of our culture to push and push people to succeed by the world's definition, to gain more and more education, to earn more and more money, and the list goes on. It is a horrible thought that someone might behave violently and attack others because of a job...but sadly, it doesn't seem very far-fetched to think of a life being so wrapped up in success and worldly wisdom that such a life succumbs to desperate acts. We see it all the time: people becoming so overwhelmed and confused by success that they hurt themselves and others, and people becoming so consumed with their education and their work that they become guilty of arrogance, sinful pride, love of self and power, reliance on worldly knowledge rather than Godly knowledge (the knowledge that begins with the fear of the Lord), and neglect of their families and their souls just to name a few.

On this matter of neglect of the soul, I wonder what it must be like to deal with stress, confusion, rejection, failure, and tragedy without faith in God. I just honestly cannot imagine it. What do you do if all your hopes and all your life is founded on a career that just doesn't work? What do you do if your life has been about a marriage or family that falls apart due to desertion, death, etc.? What do you do if you feel no one cares about you? What do you do if you question the meaning and purpose of your life? What do you do when you realize that all of life is vanity? Without God, that's what life is: vain. Solomon said it: vanity of vanities; all is vanity (Ecclesiastes 1:2). Work, leisure, gain, wealth, education, family, any activity you can think of... it's all vanity because it all passes away, and it all amounts to nothing in the weight of eternity (see the full book of Ecclesiastes).

Solomon ends the book with Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For anyone living this way, death is not tragic; it is gain (Philippians 1:21). For lost souls, death is indeed tragic...eternally tragic! And for anyone who is responsible for these deaths, the state of that soul, without repentance, is extremely tragic!

I've been doing some reading to find out more about this situation at my college, and I've read all sorts of reactions from people: some who are eager to see the sinner punished, some who are confused and bewildered, some who send a blessing to the victims' families and a curse to the sinner all in one sentence, and so many others. I wondered over someone who said they couldn't believe this could happen at this "beautiful campus", baffled myself that someone would say that; after all, Eden was the most beautiful place on earth, and that is where sin entered the world. I was surprised, yet again, that we are always so surprised when we witness evil in the world; the devil is on the loose, and anyone who doesn't acknowledge and serve God is serving the devil...it is no wonder that evil is prevalent! I was frustrated over everyone continually pointing to the shooter's"brilliance" and Harvard education as if these things point to goodness or as if these things are what's important! Better to be plain, uneducated, and simple and to be Godly than to be the most brilliant, rich, successful atheist in the world! I was shocked over all the comments saying they hoped the shooter would get the death penalty or she should rot in prison or that whatever punishment she gets will be too kind; oh the blindness of people! Do they not realize that we all should be punished? that in the eyes of our most Holy, Perfect Father, we all deserve death and hell? If we cannot hope for repentance for even the vilest sinner, if we cannot wonder and feel over the state of her soul and the lives of her children instead of reacting in anger (as she apparently did), are we any different from her? I trust in a God who delights in mercy, and I am extremely grateful for it! I trust in a God who also asked His Father to forgive those who tortured and killed Him, even though He was perfectly innocent!

It's also been hard to read all the insults to my King that I've seen tonight. Moments like these always bring out the arguments from atheists getting angry at Christians reacting with prayer and discussions on good and evil. Thank God, His Holy Spirit has revealed the truth to me and that I know, whether they believe it or not, that God and Satan (and hence their followers) are at war! There isn't much anyone can do right now to address what has happened, but my Almighty God can, so what better thing can we do but commune with Him and petition Him for comfort and guidance!?!

I'll close with a favorite Scripture. When the earth is destroyed by fire and all evil confined in the everlasting lake of fire, this will be the state of the new earth:

And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb. In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of live, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. Revelation 22:1-2

Finished with Rejoicing

2010-02-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

I just finished two things - recalling some of the victories God has helped me and empowered me to win over the last year and reading the book Wrestling Prayer. It feels good! How sweet it is to experience the awesome, overwhelming power of the Lord (like the awesome, overwhelming power of the wind swirling outside my room right now and making the house rumble and shake a little... sounds like a storm is coming)!

How sweet it is to begin tasting freedom and victory! How sweet it is to think it is indeed possible, through His cleansing power, to worship my precious Lord in the beauty of holiness! (See Psalm 96:9)

Eric Ludy's last chapter ended thus: "I realize it might seem strange to you that this message might have been written and fashioned just for you. But you much choose to receive it as such. It is the personal commission of the King of the universe to you." That's an amazing statement to think about. I've had similar experiences reading books that I strongly believe God has led me to, where the write refers to this specific "you" in such a way that it truly makes me feel as if that person is writing to me personally and praying fervent prayers just for me. And more amazing is the knowledge that no, that person doesn't know me (but God does!) and so no, that person could not have written with me exactly in mind (but God might have)! God knows Eric Ludy; God knows me! God led Eric Ludy to write this book; God led me to read it! And whatever happens from here on out is similarly known and ordered by God according to the wonderful, beautiful purposes of establishing His Kingdom. How amazing!

The next passage struck me even more, though: "I said in the very beginning that it is my desire that our generation would gain a name amongst the two most mighty generations of all time. But I challenge you to seek admittance into God's Gibborim [or mighty followers] even in your are the only one. Even if, God forbid, I were to grow lax in this battle and drop my sword, you must never. Keep your eyes focused on your King and on no man." Somehow that struck such a cord of desire to fight even more because I know that it is possible for me to grow lax, just as it is possible for Eric, the fiery writer, to grow lax. In their letters, Christ's apostles are constantly reminding us to follow diligently, to take heed lest we fall, to run with endurance, to watch that we do not come short of our calling and God's promises. So when I read that line of Eric's, I was reminded again that standing is one step away from falling and that standing means a lot of things including constant battle and probably often standing alone against the world and against false teachers/apostles who claim to belong to Christ.

Earlier, I was pondering what to include in this last post on finishing Wrestling Prayer, and I remembered Eric's statements: "Please, don't overthink the situation. ... Just go!" And this, God help me, is what I intend to do: go forth from this day forward, fighting and standing! Who knows what will come and what will be asked of me as I live my life for Christ, but right now... to wrap up this post in keeping with one of my focuses on this blog (Joy in the Lord), I'll sing and dance!

Eric named his last chapter "The Victory Dance" after the Old Testament story where David danced in the streets to celebrate the entrance of the Ark of Covenant into Israel. It is indeed exciting when God enters our lives - the growling God who becomes angry with righteous and just anger when sin is commited against Him, the gentle God who provides barren women with the gift of children, the God who promised the old and barren Abraham and Sarah seed as numerous as the stars, the God who sent prophet after prophet to plead with wicked people and offer them His great mercy, the God who was born in Bethlehem, who cried in anguish in the garden, who suffered and died to defeat sin and death, who lives today to establish His everlasting Kingdom. This is the living God, the God I want to follow, the God who has been stirring in my heart... and calling.

Jesus said many are called but few are chosen; He said that many will follow the broad path to destruction but only few will find the straight and narrow path to everlasting life (Matthew 7:13-14). Oh, that I will be one of the few; what about you?

Fighting with My King

2010-02-08T01:20:00.000-08:00

Neither give place to the devil...

... every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor.

Ephesians 4:29 and 1 Thesselonions 4:4

I've started wondering what it would be like for all of me to be saturated with Christ, for my mind and heart to be completely captivated by Him so that every dream or thought in my head is wrapped up in Him, every conversation is infused with His wisdom, every reaction pours out of a heart full of His merciful love, and every action is led by His Spirit.

I believe this is what He wants for me and all His children. Scriptures like the one in 2 Corinthians (10:3-5) where Paul says God's weapons are able to pull down strongholds and bring every thought into captivity of Christ and the one in Philippians (3:21) where Paul says Christ will change us and subdue all things to Himself confirm to me that Christ is Lord of all and wants to reign completely in the souls of His people and will someday rule completely over all His enemies.

This has been my challenge and God's work in me over the past year - to reclaim every part of me for Himself... and it has certainly been a challenge! One that leads to excitement over the fight and the victories one minute but weariness over the fight and defeats the next. It is a constant battle, and sadly, my energies and will are not always so constant. Still, every day, every moment, God helps me pick myself back up and take my fighting stance again! Thank goodness!

Chapter 9 in Eric Ludy's Wrestling Prayer could've been written just for me; it confirms every direction I believe God has been giving me, and it describes very well some of my lingering issues. Eric focuses on what Paul warns us to avoid: feeling faint and being weary of the fight. Eric testifies that he hated this "crutch" in his ministry, described as being "foggy and tired-minded" instead of "sharp of mind and sharp of heart," leaning on worldly or fleshly means of rest or refreshment rather than on God's everlasting arms. In the midst of this discussion, Eric points out that hating it doesn't get rid of it (how well I know that!). Eric writes that it "leaves because it is systematically targeted, proactively attacked, and aggressively worked off the spiritual man."

His discussion makes me think of how often I sleep longer instead of getting up to pray more or how I reach for my phone literally every few minutes at work to check my email or Facebook (by the way, my phone has not been letting me log on to Facebook the last few days of last week...coincidence?). I also thought of the sins and wordly enticements I turned to for comfort or pleasure in the past instead of relying on God to give me all I need, choosing a conterfeit pleasure instead of true pleasure in the Lord. The amazing thing is, I can see all the victories God has won for me in so many of those more "blatant" areas of compromise, and for a moment, I glimpse the very real fact that God can purge me of the pesky distractions and the weak indulgences I fall into now and captivate all of my time and focus and love just as He has purged those past problems from my life!

And so I did what Eric Ludy suggested: "Just imagine such a life! Imagine never tiring in your passion, pursuit, or practical availability to your King. Imagine never exiting a state of prayer, maintaining a constancy of connectedness to the issues pertaining to your beloved Commander."

What a life that would be! Wouldn't it be wonderful if we had it? I believe 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 is telling us that we can because we have God's weapon. Eric and Leslie have been following the challenge to fight against "even a moment of defeat, even a short period of haziness, even a brief escape into a spiritual vegetable state."

I realize that my life lately has been a fluctuation between moments of fighting passisonately for the sactitiy of my soul, ready to attack with my sword (the Word) and defend with my shield (faith), and moments of settling in for a nice afternoon doze right there on the battle field. Those dozes get me into all sorts of trouble. I can see it and feel a strong desire to wake up and watch (see Mark 13), thus adding to my own joy and peace in the Lord as well as preparing myself to live for His glory and work for the edification of my brothers and sisters.

The latter part of Eric's chapter made tears spring to my eyes. He writes, "Jesus Christ is jealous for every square inch of your inner life. ... Your King is saying, 'Do you see this spot of darkness right here in your soul? Stand with Me today and let's take it back for My glory!' ... Maybe there is no one willing to fight for us. However, it is right smack in the center of our seemingly insignificant souls that our King stands and proclaims, 'I shed blood for this piece of territory - here I stand!'"

"Stand with Me... Let's take it back... let us... here I stand!

How thrilling! I don't have to stand on my own; I don't have to take it back myself. I just have to stand with Him; we are going to do it!

2010-02-08T01:00:00.004-08:00

Further Reading

I have gained so much wisdom and insight through reading blogs and books from my brothers and sisters. All of them are at different stages in their journey and have different writing styles. Some write to teach or discuss important questions and ideas; some write to share their journey as they walk with God and learn to be more like Him. All are special to me in some way and have become friends on some level, even though we haven't met and may never meet... that is, until we all get to Heaven! That's just one more of many reasons to keep fighting and serving God on this straight and narrow path to Him, where we will be finally, wonderfully united with our Father, our Brother, and each other!!

Here's a list of some of the blogs I read:

Stirring the Deep

Desire Spiritual Growth

Duane Scott - Scribing the Journey

Pen of the Wayfarer

Winging It

Real Talk

2010-02-08T01:00:00.003-08:00

Spiritual Warfare

God has blessed me greatly! And one of His greatest blessing is fighting for me, even when I was giving in or giving up, and pulling me out of the fire like Jude says we might have to do for our brothers and sisters (vs. 22-23).

It helps me to think of my soul as a piece of territory that is being fought over. God has claimed this territory for His own, but the devil likes to pester and would love to steal it away. My life as a follower of Christ is to fight with my King against His enemies. Satan's attacks on me have sometimes been subtle, other times very obvious. They come when I am vulnerable, when I am not watching, when I am feeling excited about victories won or being given new challenges. Though these are indeed powerful attacks on his part, God is more powerful still. 1 John 4:4

Sometimes, I admit, I am a horrible soldier... at times too lazy or weak to fight, at times not even recognizing that sometimes is worth fighting over, at times not keeping my guard up at the most crucial times. Other times, I am excited and bubbling over with excitement that I have the opportunity to fight with my King, knowing that He as already won the victory over sin and death and has already won so many victories to reclaim the territory of my soul!

Here are a few posts from my archive that share my thoughts and stories on spiritual warfare:

In Our Secret Place: Making a "Heart-Friend"

Losing My Life: Taking Stock

Sprinkled and Washed: Following in Faith

Why?

A New Day

Quietly Resting

The Music of a People*

Staying Awake to the Truth

A Special and Perilous Time

Carried by the Wind

2010-02-08T01:00:00.002-08:00

Works of His Hands

Living out in the country and driving along winding back roads into town each day to work provides me ample opportunity to witness and glory in the miracles God creates. Though I know these wonders are only shadows of the true Beauty and Light of our most amazing and awesome Lord, they bring me great joy and often serve as reminders of His promises.

His artistry is everywhere... in the new light of sunrise, in the intense glow of sunset, in those transforming moments at dusk, in the rolling hills, and in every little critter He creates and cares for, especially the magnificent cardinals that swoop from tree to tree, singing a lovely melody and displaying that intense, gorgeous red... red as a thorny rose, red as the cleansing blood of Christ.

Here are a few posts that attempt to describe the beauty of the works of God's hands:

The Wonder of Faith

Soaring to Uncreated Light

As Numerous As the Stars

Gentle, Cleansing Light

Beauty through a Glass

Our Beautiful Challenge

It's Life

In the Moonlight

My Phoenix Flower

Carried by the Wind

2010-02-08T01:00:00.001-08:00

Joy in the Lord

Rejoice in the Lord always!

Though trials, tribulations, and temptations encumber us in this world, Jesus said to Be of good cheer because He has already overcome the world (John 16:13)! This truth is a beautiful one, though it is often hard to hold on to. The Lord has continually reminded me of all the many things He has done for me, all of which are reasons for GREAT joy.

Here are a few posts from my archive that reflect on joyous moments of my journey and praise Him for them!

JOY

Enjoying Each Other's Company

Thinking About Beauty, this gorgeous fall day

Excitement

True Bliss

A Glorious Day!

Rejoice and Be Glad

To anyone suffering...

The Sky Shall Unfold

Perfect Submission, Perfect Delight

Gathering at the Table

He's Alive and I'm Forgiven

2010-02-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

Redeeming Love

...walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. Ephesians 5:3

This is God's love - a love that has redeemed us from receiving the just punishment we deserve for our sins and from being the people we once were. Because of God's redeeming love, I am washed clean and being transformed by the precious power of the Holy Spirit! It is this redeeming love I hope and pray to carry with me always...a love that humbly thanks God, a love that knows the truth, a love that pours out on others, a love that moves me to walk after the Light and live a wise, Godly life.

I was just listening to an old favorite hymn and noticed and revelled in the words, "Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be till I die!"

Here are some posts from my archive that reflect on the beautiful, wondrous love I have experienced from God!

In Our Secret Place: Making a "Heart-Friend"

Sprinkled and Washed: Following in Faith

Knowing What It Feels Like

Even Me

What Love Is This?

This Thing Called Love

The Bloom of Promise

He Fills Up My Senses

True Bliss

Because He So Chose

Grace and Love

"To Love Another Person Is to See the Face of God"

Every Story Is a Love Story

Love Divine So Great and Wondrous

In Our Secret Place: Making a "Heart-Friend"

2010-02-03T22:02:00.000-08:00

This last bit of Ludy writing in Wrestling Prayer has touched the deep, stirring warmth and love in my heart and soul - warmth and love put there by the One who is Love.

I've started using a number of phrases and names to describe the special and challenging course of my life lately, but one of them is that I am experiencing love.

This love has come to me as a gentleness, as a consuming fire, as a summer shower washing away dust, as a harsh and turbulent storm destroying dead and barren trees and plants in its path. It has come to me as a piercing sword, as a healing balm. It has come as a Light making manifest crouching, ugly secrets. It has come as a weapon ready to aid me. It has come as sweet honey and precious gifts.

It has come in every shape and in every experience God knows I need.

Experiencing His love has meant being truly, wholly loved by the perfect, holy One I betrayed and disobeyed. Amazing, Redeeming Love. Experiencing His love has meant falling in love with this most precious one.

To paraphrase David, it is too much for me; I can't attain to it! (Psalm 139:6)

Reading the Ludys' book has reminded me all over again of what I have found in this secret place alone with my Savior. Here are some lines that reawakened this beauty and wonder and heightens my awareness that there is so much more.

Leslie writes, "You will need to make time for your King. Time to listen to Him, study Him, watch Him... and fall in love with Him." This is exactly what I have begun to do, and though there are many battles with temptations and distractions vying for my time, I do thirst and hunger for more of Him.

Eric writes, "Jesus, just like David lives amidst His men. He doesn't rule them from a distance, He stands with them in battle, fights next to them, sleeps beside them, and shares both their joys and their griefs. He is called Immanuel - God with us." How wonderful that He is with us always, in all things. He has certainly been by my side in a lot of different ways over the past year!

Eric describes men and women who are so in love with God that they "refuse to allow darkness to reign in their hearts and minds," who are "willing to rise up with hot and ardent flame of fiery love and utterly devestate the hosts of darkness within their own souls and in the souls of others about them." Though these words, just as God's Holy Word, "may sting the soul with conviction," here's the amazing part Ludy reminds us of: this is "the fiery love of God's Spirit."

It's His love! It may be fiery... of course, it's fiery; how else could we be Christ's unblemished bride, how else could we share intimacy and close communion with our holy, perfect, divine Father!?!... but it's LOVE - pure, unadulterated love.

This is what my mind has begun to glimpse, what my heart has begun to warm to, what my trembling soul has begun to be excited about. This is what we gain when we come before His presence, diligently and with fear and rejoicing!

Losing My Life: Taking Stock

2010-01-31T09:11:00.000-08:00

If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. Luke 9: 23-24

One of my readers recently received her copy of Wrestling Prayer and shared in her comment to this blog that she was a little scared to face her "demons" but knew that growing in Christ would be sweet, though painful sometimes. I've been thinking and praying about that comment in light of some battles I've faced over the last few days, what seems to be the current state of my life, and how my life has changed in the past year or so, and I decided to take this time in my "journal posts" as I read this book to share some personal reflections on facing my demons and growing in Christ.

From prayer, study, and experience, I've come to believe that everyone has two choices in life: give in (to the devil) or fight (with God). I'd like to say I chose to fight, but I didn't. On the surface, I "chose" to follow God, but particularly in the last few years of college and entering the work world, I was giving in more than fighting. But, here's the grand and beautiful part: God was fighting for me anyway!!

In various Scriptures, Paul reminds us that it is God who calls us and God who works His good and perfect work in us. Romans 9:11 says, For the children being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works but of him that calleth. Ephesians 1:5-4 says, According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will. More in that chapter and other areas of Scripture remind us: God calls, and God enables us to answer! Jesus witnessed to this truth according to John chapter 6, particularly verses 44 and 65.

So... after much, much prayer on the subject of asking how I "let" certain things happen in my life, I believe this to be His answer, or at least part of it: while I was giving in, He was fighting for me and leading me to a place where excruciating pain and sorrow would draw me to Him and prepare my eyes to be opened and my soul to be fought over. That moment, filled with more confusion and feeling of aloneness than I had ever experienced in my life, put me in God's perfect place to listen and see the Truth; thus, He led me to repent of the sin that was mixed up in this pain and disappointment and is working in me to reveal and transform other areas of sin in my life.

God led me to the book by Beth Moore When Godly People Do Ungodly Things several months back, and her discussion of God using certain situations to show us areas of sin and compromise and "sifting" His children for the purpose of getting rid of just those things truly enlightened me. Early last year, I started steadily praying for God to show me any sin in my life and to help me get rid of it. He did!... and it was everywhere. The more I prayed and read His Word and read/listened to mature Christians, the more I realized that to be the woman God commands His daughters to be, my life needed a complete overhaul!

So, my response to that reader's comment and my point to all of you is this. I prayed for God to reveal sin in my life, and He answered. Even though the answer was to show me all sorts of problems in my mind, heart, and behavior (impurities, selfishness, pride, and doubt just to name a few), His response was somewhat exhilarating at the time because I felt so close to Him, so excited that I knew He was answering my prayers, and so ready to change from this weak and sinful person He revealed me to be into something pure and clean and true that only He can create (Ephesians 2:10, 4:24, 5:25-27). The battle between the Spirit and the flesh can be a very bloody one, though, so the exhilaration I often felt at the beginning has been tested and tried and weighed down. I've noticed the devil using several tactics in these fights from open attack as He directly tempts me to sin or doubt my salvation to subtle seduction as He quietly lulls me to "sleep," trying to persuade me that certain things really aren't that important or at least not worth all this fuss and work to battle them. Both are dangerous in their own way, but both can be conquered and fought with God's weaponry!

This battle is still raging strongly in my life, but I form these thoughts into words and share them with you, partly just to see it in black and white and partly as an act of faith because I know God has called me on this journey, and even in moment of faltering faith, I trust that He will even give me the faith I need to pray faithful, fervent prayers, be healed, and live my life to please Him (James 5:16).

Fighting with God's weaponry and conquering through belief in His strength (and HIS strength only) is the focus of the book Wresting Prayer - one of several books God has put in my life to remind me of and to confirm the truths He has already been teaching me through His Word and in my heart. Ludy spends the last chapter I read focused on David's annointing as king as a precursos to Jesus as King in the New Testament and now. Because God annointed him and God's Spirit came to him (1 Samuel 16:13), David walked in strength and favor with God, killing the lion and bear who attacked his flock of sheep, conquering Goliath when no other Israelite could, and later winning battles against thousands of strong, physical enemies. Ludy uses this story from our history as children of God to the spiritual battles we face now: "When you stand with David, when you stand with Jesus... you are not left helpless against lion, bear, giant, and the forces of ten thousands--rather, you are equipped to become more than a conqueror. [...] How? Through fighting, gritty, wrestling prayer."

Early this morning God brought me to Psalm 114 and 115, reminding me that at the will of this mighty powerful God, the seas and mountains of the earth are moved... the earth trembles at His presence. Think of it, if He can move mountains, draw back the waters in the sea, command the winds, and create it all in the first place, of course He can deliver me from the evil thoughts that plague my mind, the impurities that have corrupted my heart, and any dart Satan sends my way. For He, who is so graciously raising me into life with Christ despite myself, is my help and my shield!

Sprinkled and Washed: Following in Faith

2010-01-26T21:30:00.000-08:00

Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water. Hebrews 10:22

For some reason, the devil was trying his best this morning to dampen my spirit and cast doubt on the truth of God's forgiveness though reminders and accusations of guilt. This is a battle he hurls at me often, but by His grace and power, God gives me weapons to fight back! One great weapon is Hebrews 10:22. Christ's blood has sprinkled my heart from an evil conscience and washed my body with pure water.

In Wrestling Prayer, Leslie Ludy reminds us that we must look to the Holy Spirit to remove breeches in our lives that give place to the devil, allowing him any access to tempt or sully our hearts, our minds, and eventually our habits. Then she writes, "And remember, once you have brought a sin to Christ and asked His forgiveness, He removes it from you as far away as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). If the enemy ever tries to hold it over your head again, stand firmly upon the reality of Christ's work on the cross. His blood has fully and completely covered it, and that sin is no longer a part of your life. When God looks at you, He does not see that sin. The enemy has no power or authority to torment you about a sin that is nailed to the cross."

What a reminder! This and just such reminders are exactly what God has given me throughout the day in response to Satan's attack this morning. He is with me, ready to fight, ready to transform my life, if I will only believe and trust that He will do what He says.

This is the beginning and ending of our relationship with God: believing in Him. Real, life-changing belief. Belief that would cause you to leave your home or do things that most people would think are ridiculous just because God told you to, belief that would draw you to hike up a mountain with your son ready to kill him because God told you to, belief that would enable you to endure great pain and anguish because you trust that God's promises are more real and more lasting than men's persecution (see Hebrews 11). This belief is also, as Eric and Leslie Ludy remind us, the powerful basis of prayer: belief that He listens, that He acts to help us and glorify Himself.

The above passage from Hebrews was just one slice of the wonderful Bread of Life God was feeding me today from His marvelous Word. His Word is Christ, and Paul describes many wonders of Christ in the surrounding verses/chapters. Christ lives to make intercession for us (7:25). He appears before God for us (9:24). He sits on the right hand of God, waiting for Him to complete His victory, waiting to come back for us (Hebrews 10:13, 9:28).

FOR US! Can you imagine!?! All this is for God's glory, done according to His purpose, but Paul explicitly tells us that Christ has done all this and waits to do more for us!

Just such victories He will give to every child whom He has called, who believes and trusts His precious Son! Living victoriously and valiantly for Him... Allowing our "self" to die that God might live through us... these are the goals of wrestling prayer. These are what Christ did, and these are what He is challenging me to do if I will in fact follow Him.

For this, He died and lives. For this, I should also live and die. And in this, there is more overwhelming joy, more passionate love, and more satisfying peace than anything else I have ever known or will ever know. I am more grateful than I can describe that He has called me to this life in Him, that He is daily showing me such grand and glorious truths!

Why?

2010-01-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

A couple of incidents recently, along with the next part of Eric Ludy's book, led me to question, again, why it is that I blog and if it is pleasing to God. This post will be full of observations I have made, things that have come to me along this prayerful questioning, and some thoughts from Ludy. As I continue to "journal" during the process of reading Wrestling Prayer, I will be... wrestling in prayer over whether or not to continue blogging and how God wants me to serve Him in my life right now.

I receive great blessing from blogging. I enjoy writing and have found that blogging about my journey with God has kept me on my toes and consistently causes me to examine my salvation, relationship with God, and the way I live. I also receive great blessings from the comments of my readers; knowing that we're all fighting together and conversing with y'all about our faith and experience has been fun, encouraging, and helpful to me. I do appreciate all the compliments I have received about my writing, but let me pause to give God credit for that... and everything else. If I have any gifts or say/do anything worthwhile, it is certainly from Him!

He's more than amazing! He's more than wonderful! And I want to talk about Him... I still face a lot of challenges being outgoing enough and brave enough to share Him so exuberantly in person (and this is one of the issues involved in my prayers about continuing to blog), but sometimes I just about bubble over, figuratively and literally with laughter and tears and sobs of joy, because He is so good. His mercy toward me, the fact that He loves me, and the work He has done in me are nothing short of miraculous! If I point to myself in my blog, I pray it is only to provide y'all with examples of His goodness and the great things He has done!

As I prayed over my questions and concerns yesterday morning, my eyes fell on a little name plaque that used to belong to my grandmother. Her name is Ruth, so she passed it down to me. Below the "Ruth," it quotes the Scripture, "The joy of the Lord is your strength" (Nehemiah 8:10). I smiled and felt God's guidance... I do find great joy in Him! It does give me strength, and it is one of several things I hope to have shared with y'all.

As I was originally writing this post yesterday, I took a break and checked my email. The first message in my inbox was Daniel's latest post over at Desire Spiritual Growth. As I read, I was amazed once again at the way God works and answers my prayers for guidance, for here is a brother requesting prayer for his blog and sharing a prayer he found and edited for writers. The requests in that prayer are my own prayer - to glorify God and only God, never my own work and if I write, to write in a way that pleases Him.

Eric Ludy warns about any behavior or way of thinking that indulges or centers on the self, i.e. putting pleasing ourselves above pleasing God. He places this warning into the context of Saul's story, particularly in 1 Samuel 115: "God knows that as long as the Amelikites remain in the land of Israel, the kingdom of Israel will be weakened and ultimately crumble. Likewise, translating that into the Christian existence, as long as the flesh remains alive within our lives, the kingdom of Christ within us will be weakened and ultimately crumble." In ways, I have experienced this first hand, but I believe the Lord has graciously used the weakened/crumbling moments of my life to build me up again and teach me how important it is to be fully cleansed, fully transformed, and fully enlightened as the grace, mercy, and light of the Lord fills each one He has called to be a child.

Ludy spends this chapter explaining what exactly "self" and "flesh" mean, forcefully reminding us that God is... well, GOD and must be treated as such by being the only being on "the inner throne of man." (See matthew 22:37-40, Ephesians 4:22-24, and others for confirmation.) Everything connected to "self-worship and self-preoccupation" and the "self-pity" which leads to "self indulgence, self-concern, self-applause, self-seeking, self-aggrandizement, etc." has to go, including those things we do for ourselves under the guise of doing them for God (this question is where my prayers for discernment are concentrated right now).

As Ludy so bluntly puts it, "If something in my life is blockading this world from seeing His glory, then if I don't shoo it away myself, He'll grab a whip and drive it out for me." Reading that almost makes me cry and laugh with joy all at once. I can testify that this is true. God has diven out some things that I have clung to or things I have ignored, not wanting to admit that they're things that need to go. It is painful at the time! but beautiful in hindsight!! I praise the Lord for doing for us what we cannot do ourselves. What astounding victories He can win for His little ones!

Until next time, I'll be reading more and praying hard!

The Wonder of Faith

2010-01-21T22:23:00.000-08:00

* * *

This morning as I drove to work, my eyes were suddenly transfixed by the shape of the clouds. Across the top of my frame of vision was pale gray sky. Before it was a huge collection of thick, dark blue clouds like the shape of an eagle, its head turned to the right so I could see the outline of his head and beak, his wings raised up and stretched out over the whole sky with the line of the horizon and all the world beneath the sweep of his large wings. I was amazed at how perfectly the image did truly look like an eagle. I looked away and looked back again. Clouds can move quickly, but there he still was, this huge eagle looming before me, an awesome shape instilling a mixture of holy fear and awed excitement. Its imposing presence suggested power - the Power that comforts, the Power that wields all the strength and might in the universe.

I have prayed for God to fill me with awareness of His presence and awe of Him. This was an answer to prayer.

* * *

This afternoon as I started home from work, all the world looked tinged with a green murkiness - that color that spreads over everything when the weather has been particularly fickle and a storm is brewing. Then, I suddenly heard a clap of thunder so loud it seemed to pierce through all my senses. I jumped and even let out a squeal/scream because this sound, this... more than sound was so loud and so unexpected. I was amazed and reminded of an old Ludy line: "The thunder and lightning of God must clap and braze through every lost soul." Rereading bits of the Ludy "Manifesto" (where that quote came from), I've also found some of my old notes and prayers in the margins - passionate, pleading prayers for forgiveness, for His goodness to consume me and eradicate my selfishness and iniquity, for the Spirit to guide me and work in me. Again, I was amazed because I see so much He has done and has changed in the intervening months since I first read it. I believe I have felt doses of this thunder and lightning ripping through me! Indeed, our Lord does answer prayer.

Trusting God to do just that is the next theme and challenge brought home to me in the next portion of the Ludys' Wresting Prayer.

* * *

Last year, God showed a lack of faith in my life, so I have often called my faith small. In light of Matthew 17:20 ("If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed ... nothing shall be impossible unto you"), sometimes I wondered if my faith at times has been no mroe than a speck of dust or a germ that you can only see with a microscope. ... But this is the truth that I need to focus on, that even small faith can accomplish much.

The challenge of faith and trust God has put in me was confirmed and reenforced over and over in the next bit of the Ludys' book. I love moments like that when God works through multiple vessels all at the same time; that, dear friends, is already an undeniable answer to prayer.

Eric Ludy reminds us that the Bible "is sacred territory that can be apprehended only through the wide, believing eyes of a little child. (See Matthew 18:3-4 for confirmation.)

Thus, he set up what we need to understand God's Word and wrestle in prayer with HIm: complete belief and truth. This book is broken into meaty chapters by Eric Ludy, each followed by practical application and encouragement by his wife Leslie.

Our first taste or wrestling in prayer in the book is this passage by Leslie: "The recipe for true wrestling prayer mixes an ample supply of faith with absolute abandon to the Spirit. ... Faith is confidence, assurance, all-out-trust that someone who said he would do something will in fact do it." (See Matthew 17:20 and James 5:16 for confirmation).

This is the wonder of faith: knowing God will keep His promises: promises to never forsake His children, to be merciful and forgiving, to lead us into all Truth, that He has already overcome the world... and so many others. Praise the Lord for His beautiful promises! and the challenge to trust in them more. Leslie reminds us that witnessing and experiencing answered prayer is a key part of building up our faith; the two moments I describe earlier came at a wonderful time to build my faith and fill me with awe!

A New Day

2010-01-19T21:22:00.000-08:00

The sunrise this morning was hesitant... as if the sun had to battle the clouds and fog to take command in shining over this day. The sun was the victor. Not so hesitantly, it seemed to say, "Clouds, Fog, do you really think you have a chance? If and when I choose, I could melt you away in the blink of an eye."

And it did.

Hence, the start of a resplendent morning "flooding my soul with glory divine." Dew sparkled like jewels, red feathers flashed like someone in a spotlight, and the sun shone over the gray, winter day like the power of God that cannot be denied.

I am trusting and hoping that this gorgeous day marks the dawning of a new, richer, deeper season in my journey with God. I started reading a new book yesterday: Wresting Prayer by Eric and Leslie Ludy. In just the introduction and first two chapters, I can tell it will be a book full of challenges and truth, the type of book that should be read, not just with the mind, but with the heart and soul and a measure of grace from the Holy Spirit leading the reader to truth and working within him/her to perform what God has ordained. Without His guidance and power to change, reading would be a waste, a run of good intentions on the reader's part with little willingness to listen and heed the truth.

Let me share a few passages that stood out to me as I started reading this -

"God gently opened our eyes to see areas of sin and compromise that we'd allowed into our lives that were opening an access point for the enemy to hit us."...

"Samson picked up the jawbone of a donkey and single-handedly slew a thousand Philistines, and we are supposed to pick up the jawbone of prayer and wreak untold havoc upon the enemy camp."

"Great men and women are not made great by chiding the truth and attempting to reconstruct it so that it is more appealing to their selfish sensibilities. Rather, they are made great by bowing down before the God of the universe and yielding to His commands and His methods for changing this world."

Ludy describes what he sees as the problem: "Too many of the men today are mice, not men. Too many of the women of our age are vain, not valiant. We are paranoid of battle, not productive in it. We are soft where we should be solid, and hard where we should be soft."

And then he describes what he, his wife, and any who choose to stand with him for God should do instead: "... until His sacred beautiful feet touch down on Mount Olivet and the mountain splits in half - until every knee bows and every tongue confesses that Jesus is Lord, until He takes His seat upon the throne in the New Jerusalem here on Earth, His heavenly robe fills the temple, and the River of Life gushes forth from beneath His Kingly seat - until that day, our swords will not rest, our prayers will not cease, our passion cannot and will not slim."

The passion I hear pouring out of these words is anything but dim!

It has been a while now since this period I like to describe as "the Holy Spirit getting a grip on my heart and not letting it go" began. During this time, I have tasted and seen His goodness and the changes He has already wrought in my life. Now, I'm excited (and nervous!) to see where He will take me in the future for my salvation, for His glory, for His Kingdom!

And I'm glad to be sharing this journey with all of you. I would appreciate your prayers as I continue learning the power of prayer in this season with God and this journey reading Wresting Prayer.

Precious Memories

2010-01-18T19:49:00.000-08:00

An old hymn came to mind a few days ago; it's one of those old gospel hymns that are so much fun to sing that my old choir used to pull out every so often:

I heard the story of the cross

When I was but a child

But I let it lay, just pushed away

For a long, long while

But then one night, one stormy night

The Spirit made its call

And it gave me faith to believe

Now I believe it all.

Oh I believe that Jesus' blood

Has washed away my sin

I believe the Spirit keeps

and guides me from within

Oh I believe my soul is safe

And when I hear the call

I'll rise to live beyond the grave

Oh, I believe it all...*

This song always reminds me of a special, old friend of mine.

She was older when I met her, but she was spunky and fun. Her eyes twinkled and glowed. She knew how to love! Her wonderful blunt personality, saged by time and wisdom, was such that led her to speak her mind when she felt like it and keep quiet when she felt like it... she just knew when to leave something alone, knowing that some things people had to learn on their own. She did her own thing and exuded an energy of being okay with it: a unexpected picture of godliness with contentment!

"50 years!?!" she repeated once when someone asked how her marriage had lasted so long, "Well, there isn't any secret; we just stayed together. That's just what people did."

That's Miss Becky. Tough stock. The old kind of Christian, ready to do what's right despite hardships because... that's just what you do.

She and I became friends in the choir, sitting on the front row, right side every Sunday night. Nearly every week, the time would come when someone would ask, "Got a cough drop, Miss Becky?" Well, of course she did. Never came to choir practice without that flat, orange box of Luden's Cough Drops - the original menthol flavor. Such a production was made every Sunday night of opening the little box, unfolding the tiny bag inside, pulling out a lozenge, and popping it in her mouth before stuffing the bag back down in to the box and closing the lid. As soon as the question came, the box started circulating. I'm not sure any of those people ever really had a cough or needed anything for their throats, but it seemed to be a mutual agreement down and up the rows of singers that you couldn't get through an hour of singing without one of Miss Becky's cough drops. And for us three first sopranos, we definitely needed something (especially since two of us - me and Miss Becky - really should've been an alto and a second soprano, at least).

Those were some special times getting to be around Miss Becky. Long years of marriage, raising a son, watching a world and church change as people came and went, and living a lifetime of ups and downs had formed a lady who was tough, blunt, no sentimental idealist, but full of real, genuine love - not pretty, shiny, or syrupy, just real.

She loved her grandson, her joy. She practically raised him and brought him up in the way he should go... a real bond of kinship grew between those two.

He was the one that found her asleep one day. Her husband had gotten sick and passed on. Then, her tired, old body got sick, weaker. And so she fell asleep one day to wait "to live beyond the grave." Her grandson found her... a last goodbye.

This has all happened several years ago now, but Miss Becky comes to mind often. It strikes me that God has put some very special people and situations in my life. It seems they all come and go fairly quickly as God continues to usher me into new seasons. I am so thankful for the new work He's doing, but sometimes I'm glad to pause and remember precious memories.

* "I Believe It All" by Mike Speck

Knowing What It Feels Like!

2010-01-16T04:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was so beautiful - almost like a Spring day. It was a day to match the Spring-ish, joyful, contented feeling in my soul! A day full of warmth and sunlight and pairs of doves swooping across my path!

I want to share some beautiful thoughts God walked me through yesterday, sparked by what I was reading, marked by prayers for understanding. Though the subject may sound a little melancholy, I cannot describe to you how utterly joyful I felt while walking outside on that gorgeous day and thinking over the wonderful thought my Lord just showed me.

The passage I was reading is from Anne Lamott talking about dealing with her father's death:

"It's so different having a living father who loves you, even someone complex and imperfect. After your father dies, defeat becomes pretty defeating. When he's still alive, there are setbacks and heartbreak, but you're still the apple of someone's eye."

I thought about that and wondered if I have ever really experienced this love she felt or this feeling of being "the apple of someone's eye."

The truth is, I don't know if my dad loves me or not. In fact, I don't know much about him at all. I know what he does - sort of. I know bits and pieces of his life, mostly from my mom telling me what he told her or telling me what his mom told her.

I don't believe I feel angry or even particularly sad. In fact, I just feel calm... or... nothing really. There is a nothingness about this relationship. One thing that stands out to me is my dad's continual presence in most of my life without much real interaction; my own often quiet personality is prone to this, I think. One thing that stands out is how I feel as though we are strangers: when I'm around him, I am uncomfortable. One thing that stands out is his reaction over a year ago when my marriage plans were off and I told him I wasn't a virgin anymore. He said something like, "Oh, I didn't know that was the case"... and that was pretty much it.

It came to me that this didn't seem the way a Godly, God-fearing man, committed to raising his children in the way they should go, would react (Ephesians 6:4 and Hebrews 12:5-11). I'm not sure how such a man should react: with a reprimand or speech about the sin of fornication, full of righteous hatred for this evil? with a kind, but firm confirmation of the sin mixed with a reminder of God's mercy toward a contrite and repentant soul? with a mixture of both reactions? I just don't know... but I think it would be something else, something more.

And I think something ended for me back then while something else started. I believe God helped me accept, without harboring resentment or blame, the truth that this man would not be my spiritual leader or the one who would model to me how a Godly man or a Godly father behaves. God helped me begin to learn who He is. God did react with reprimands, as His Holy Spirit relentlessly put Scriptures of His wrath before my eyes and a cold fear in my heart. God did react with the most beautiful gift I could ever possibly receive: the sweetness of Him, His mercy, His forgiveness, His grace to relieve my fears.

He gave me Hosea, Chapter 2: judgment and then,

...behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortable unto her. ... I will betroth thee to me for ever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in lovingkindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness: and thou shalt know the Lord. ... I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy; and I will say to them which were not my people: Thou art my people, and they shall say, Thou art my God.

I can say He has given me mercy. I can say He is my God, my Father.

I am amazed. I am undone. My Father loves me; I do know what it feels like. I may never understand this love - after all, "the love of Christ ... passeth knowledge" - but it's there. It's sweet!

Quietly Resting

2010-01-13T22:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the more I talk and write to my brethren about my areas of sin and weakness God has revealed to me over the past year or so, the more "messed up" I feel on one hand and the more honest and free in Christ I feel on the other. It is good... It is sweet to rest joyfully in His powerful goodness and be a part of this battle for victory over sin.

My pride often reacts contemptibly to this process of admitting that the real me is not the persona I and others used to believe I was, so accepting who I am without God has not been as easy as it probably should have been. Still, it has been a beautiful lesson to learn about God's sovereignty in calling His children and working in us to fulfill His own commandments!

I talked about a Scripture in an old post that comes to mind again now:

For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel; in returning and rest ye shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength... Isaiah 30:15

Returning, in my mind and in my journey, means repentance. Without it, there can be no joy and peace. The "resting" is what I'm thinking of now, though. It hit me today that "rest", in my mind and in my journey, is acceptance. Acceptance to let pride be hanged and let humility and honesty live and grow. God is teaching me to accept who I really am - my past, my sins, my weaknesses, the "mess" that is me. This is the first part of my "rest." The second is accepting who He is - the Sovereign One who delights to forgive, who loves, who comes and dwells within His children and works in us to be able to present us holy and without blemish to His Son, our Bridegroom (Ephesians 5:27). With Him, I am someone totally different - a vessel full of the grace and power to fight, to win, to love, to show mercy, to be one with my Lord.

What an amazing gift! What an amazing opportunity!

The Music of a People*

2010-01-13T05:39:00.000-08:00

I grew up on musicals and have learned that many of them have the effect of stirring me up and making me want to join in - not just join in singing (though I almost always do) but to join in the action and the fellowship going on onstage or on film.

The ending of Les Miserables definitely has this effect for me. My mom and I just watched an old B&W version of this plus listened to some of the musical this weekend. Every time I watch this story unfold or hear this music, I am newly stunned at the beauty of the transofrmation of Jean Valjean and the poignant acts of God's love and mercy that take place during this sotry.

At the end of the musical, three voices, in exquisite harmony, sing,
     Take my hand and lead me to salvation
     Take my love for love is everlasting
     And remember the truth that once was spoken
    To love another person is to see the face of God.*

And then comes the finale... asking, Can you hear the people sing?... describing, It is the music of a people who are climbing to the light... and probing, Who will join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? Somewhere beyond the barricade, is there a world you long to see?

Though fighting and death take up parts of the story (I'm a pacifist, by the way), this reprise is talking about a larger battle - a spiritual one. The "somewhere" beyond the barricade is beyond this world, a place where "chains will be broken" and swords will be "plowshares". This is a world worth standing strong for! As a cast and chorus full of people lift up their voices singing, Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise...when tomorrow comes, you just know these words are true, you want to stand firm until that day dawns, and you are full of this collective energy to stand, to fight!

Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

Thrilling at the power of collective voices, I am also thrilled that we are bound as a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a pecular people because our Lord has called us out of darkness unto his marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9).

Feeling empowered by this full choir, full orchestra, crusading march, I am convicted to live a life like the character of Jean Valjean, who dedicated his life to showing the mercy shown him and remmbering who he is (...my soul belongs to God, I know...).

Our battles are all different kinds, and they usually don't feel like glorious opportunities to win victories for the Lord and His people, but that is exactly what they are! I am thankful for this reminder.

Contend for the faith...looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ...praying in the Holy Ghost... to Him that is able to keep you from falling (Jude 3, 21, 20, 24).

*All lyrics from Les Miserables by Schonberg and Kretzmer

There is coming a day...

2010-01-12T00:32:00.000-08:00

All is peace forevermore... on that happy, golden shore...*

Golden. That is just how the sky looked tonight on my way home, as the light of the setting sun turned all the cottony clouds a rich, deep coral. Sunrises and sunsets so often make me think of heaven.

Someday, Lord willing, we will be in heaven, brothers and sisters. We will finally see Him. We'll see the precious One who died for us and is living now, sitting at the right hand of God, interceeding for us and waiting to come back and gather us to Him. That's what heaven will be like, I think: gathering toward the Light, closer than we've ever been able to come.

We'll revel in it; we'll glory in it; we'll shout with joy that there is no darkness to plague us. No haunting shadows will lurk in our minds! No dread or fear or sadness will weigh down our hearts! No weakness of flesh will war against our souls any longer! We will be with our Lord, delivered from suffering like Him, glorified like Him, free to worship Him and thank Him for His greatness forever.

Read and listen to these words; let them sink in... It's coming, fellow fighters! The day is coming when Jesus will return for us. Hang on!

There is coming a day

When no heartaches shall come

No more clouds in the sky

No more tears to dim the eye

All is peace forever more

On that happy, golden shore

What a day, glorious day

That will be.

There'll be no sorrow there

No more burdens to bear

No more sickness, no pain

No more parting over there.

And forever I will be

With the One who died for me

What a day, glorious day

That will be.

What a day that will be

When my Jesus I shall see

And I look upon His face

The one who saved me by His grace

When He takes me by the hand

And leads me through the promised land

What a day, glorious day that will be.*

*lyrics by Jim Hill

Like a Gentle, Steady Snow

2010-01-09T21:25:00.000-08:00

Like other places, I guess, the weather in the South is often fairly unpredictable, particularly during the tornado-prone months of September and May, but really all the time - one day is can be unusually warm for winter, and then the next, we're down to below freezing; one minute there is a gentle breeze outside the window, and then a few hours later, you realize that yep, tornadoes really do sound like trains.

I have the tendency to be like the weather, but I've noticed something strange and sweet lately: sometimes a situation comes that would normally bring about torrents of tears and an ache in my heart that screams that I have failed again or that something is so dreadfully wrong, I need to do something drastic to address it, but instead, even if a few tears come, the wells are not interested in being emptied, and my heart feels whole, as if there aren't any cracks that ache when the wind blows through them. A calm falls over me like a gentle, steady snow. Beautiful silence fills the space around my soul and enters it- a pregnant silence, like something that is empty but somehow full, like something that is absent but somehow present. I realize... it becomes real to me that God is showing me what peace is.

I begin to see that perhaps, someone can have peace but not feel peaceful because trials and tests are afoot, that someone can feel peaceful (not at all interested in examining the state of his soul or concerned about anything around him) without having peace. So, I pray to distrust the peaceful feelings that threaten to harden hearts and to trust the true peace that God has so graciously chosen to bestow on me.

The peace comes softly, like the snow, and slowly, like warm liquid becoming colder and slower, colder and slower until finally, the movement stops. It is solid; it is firm; it is still. Be still and know

The new colors, image, and style of my blog will remind me of this peace and calm that is falling on me, like a gentle, steady snow. Though we are running the most important race of our lives and fighting the battle of all battles, I pray we always have peace and joy in our souls. The peace and joy that are the fruits of Christ's Spirit within us.

Even Me

2010-01-07T19:11:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I was sitting quietly in my office, sipping tea and meditating on the words, Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10

I got very quiet and still, closed my eyes, and prayed for the Spirit to sink those words into my heart.

Prompted by a tough question about a verse in 1 John, I had been reading John's letters searching for wisdom on questions of sin in the life of a child of God, what it means to follow His commandments, what it means to love. I felt conscious of the beauty and wonder that I have the opportunity and ability to read the Word of God. How often we take it for granted; we read so much, so many kinds of things, so many spiritual things even, but this... this is the Word of God. I am so glad to have it!

And in this awe-some, intimate moment with my Father's truth, I meditated on and attempted to comprehend His love. This love that moved Him to sacrafice Himself for oursakes; this love that all the law and the prophets are bound up in; this love that is our one hope and our one commandment.

Though the Lord and several of those around me have poured their love all over my life, the Spirit has begun to show me how much I feel as though I have to work for love, as though I have to constantly try hard to please people. When I was growing up, I was never the pretty or popular girl among my family or friends; I was never the one with the bubbly personality. I happened to be "smart," though, (at least according to somebody's standards of how to assess smartness), so that became sort of an obsession with me: making good grades to the point that I hated ever being wrong or not knowing something. Being a good student was a mask for me, hiding all the ways I fell short of being whatever it was everyone wanted me to be. But, the Spirit has shown me that pleasing people is not my task, nor should it distract me from my privilege of serving God and living a life that is pleasing to Him.

Amazingly enough, I don't have to work for His love. He loved me before I knew Him and always will because His love is not about me; it's about His good and loving character.

I want to share a song with y'all. It is a song about God's love. At first, I had intended to merely copy and paste the lyrics here for you to read, but the tune is so beautiful that I felt compelled to share that as well. So, here is a little home-made recording of me singing this song a capella; it's certainy not professional, so don't expect much!... it's just a gift from my heart.

The name of the song is, "The Way That He Loves," a simply exquisite song describing a profoundly exquisite love.

Really!

2010-01-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

In a recent post, my bloggy friend over at Coffee with Marty wrote about God enjoying coloring - splashing beautiful, vivid hues all over the works He created, but most importantly, coloring our hearts with the deep and living red of Christ's blood in order to wash us white from all the sins that stain us! What a powerful image!

As I remark over in my sidebar, the gorgeous, liquid color of the red bird, like the redness of Christ's blood, is one of the many reasons I love these birds that flit and fly all over my life here at the Cardinals' Nest. Over and over, I witness this loveliness... the image printed on my mind from yesterday when I saw my red bird in flight before the sun, making its fragile, red wings seem to shine and glow... the image of that tiny red critter flying out of a deep green cedar on a cold, winter day... an image of God's mercy.

Sometimes I read a Psalm or a few in the morning. This morning, I opened to Psalm 106: Praise ye the Lord. O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.

In another post, Marty openly chose to open his heart and share a fear he sometimes faces; following his example, I'd like to share something I often face.

I read his mercy endureth for ever and somehow rejoice over this truth, but my troublesome heart asks, Really? It endures forever? He doesn't give up on His weak and wayward children and leave us in our messes? Does He still forgive me, even though I'm not like Anne who "never makes the same mistake twice"?

Really.

It is true; God delights in mercy (Micah 7:18)! And His mercy toward His children is everlasting (1 Chronicles 16:34, Ezra 3;11, Psalm 136:1). Though I struggle to believe and hold fast in this faith, His Word and creatures remind me of the truth over and over. I read the prophets so rich with truths - the truth that people act in wickedness and do horrible, sinful things; the truth that God hates wickedness and becomes angry because of it; the truth that because He is good and kind, He chooses to say, For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee. Isaiah 54:7-8

Really! Amen!

Pouring Out His Love: A Sister's Story

2010-01-04T21:58:00.000-08:00

As I’ve prayed for direction, understanding, and fellowship with God’s Church, He has sent me so many blessings through this blog! I thank you all for your friendship and want to take a moment to share a story about one of our sisters in Christ that I met through her “Anonymous” comments on my blog. Learning more about her and her work to help others has given me such joy, as I witness God’s work through her.

Her name is Violeta. She had a difficult childhood, often going hungry and being mistreated, and a rocky young adulthood as she ventured out into the world alone and with nothing, cleaning houses to earn food or money. Though Violeta prefers not to talk much about this painful time in her life, she does not complain about it but rather describes it briefly and simply, preferring to focus now on the needs of others. She praises God for the blessings He has sent to help her and finds such joy and pleasure in the opportunity to share His love by providing for the needs of people who are going hungry sometimes for days at a time.

Her joy and desire to give began with a simple yet profound event in her life, when a kind man took the time to introduce her to Christ. Here’s the story in her own words: “In one day intro to clean large house and I saw a book with a gentle face that attracts me so I asked who the man in that picture. Master of the house told me that it was Jesus and I remembered the words grandmother about one man Jesus. The next day I received a bible from the master of the house and the man became he samaritean of my life. Every day I learned and readed with him after my work. Since then my heart to receive Jesus and HE is my life now. I can not imagine a life better than with Jesus.”

It fills me with joy to see God calling His children to Himself all over the world, and it humbles me to realize how satisfied Violeta is, even though she has so little materially, because she has so much in HIM! She is now married and has two children. Her family earns enough to provide for their needs but still has little. Through it all, she praises the Lord for the blessings He has given her, remembers the suffering of her Savior through her own suffering, and possesses a strong desire to reach out and help poor families and children who are going hungry each day. With the help and financial support of others, she reaches out to needy children around her as God works through her to provide bread for their bodies and the eternally satisfying Bread for their souls.

And if thou draw out thy soul to the hungry,

and satisfy the afflicted soul; then shall thy

light rise in obscurity, and thy darkness be

as the noon day: And the Lord shall guide

thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in

drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou

salt be like a watered garden, and like a

spring of water, whose waters fail not.

- Isaiah 58: 10-11

To learn more about her, her work (the Sjikke and Violeta Foundation, etc.), and how you can support these ministries, take a look at my recent Facebook note or contact her directly (tibivio72@yahoo.com).

Cherishing the Beauty of the Moment

2010-01-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

The night was still and bright. That awesome, indescribable moonlight that continues to amaze and encourage me shone down as it does without fail every month. A moment to cherish.

A group of musicians moved and played together - all separate, all one, all so full of life, so in love with the music-making they were doing. A moment to cherish.

Two men, looking like excited little boys, looked back and forth from one drummer to the other. Two of them on the same stage on the same night. One, a member of the original group who had moved on; the other, a new addition to the group. Both playing their hearts out while the rest of the group watched with glee pouring out of their faces. A moment to cherish.

My nephew, just waking up on New Year's day, was coloring and eating Fruit Loops. Fascinated by all the colors everywhere, he leaned low over the cup, looking at the cereal so intently and pilfering through it to find the perfect one. Crunch, crunch, cruch. Color, color, color. How sweet to watch a delighted little fellow find joy in the simplest of things. A moment to cherish.

Praise the Lord for every moment! How often I am replaying the past or anticipating the future, forgetting to cherish the beauty of the moment God is giving me right now. Some moments are sweet and precious; some are sad and hard. All are beautiful because He is sovereign. All are beautiful because, through them, He gives me what I need to reach Him. Thus, every moment is one to cherish; every moment provides a reason to rejoice!

And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us...

- Psalm 90:17

A Singing Spirit

2010-01-02T14:33:00.000-08:00

I stood in the midst of oak trees full of sound.

...the hour cometh and now is when the

true worshippers shall worship the Father

in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such

to worship him. God is a Spirit and

they that worship him must worship him

in spirit and in truth.

- John 4:23-24

I had come out of the office building and immediately heart the sound of wind brushing through dry leaves and the song of many tiny bird voices. I looked up and saw those trees full of a flock of black birds, all chattering away like a restless crowds of people waiting for something to start. I waited and wondered what it meant.

I went on my walk still wondering at the sheer number of birds flocked together, making such noise.

My walk ended where it started.

I stood in the midst of oak trees full of sound. I closed my eyes and felt the wind move around me full of the crisp, crackling noise of the leaves and sprinkles of notes from the birds.

Surrounded by the rich sound, I stood in awe yet again at the movement of the Spirit of God in the works of His hands...

...worship him in spirit

and in truth...

I opened my eyes and headed toward the building but stopped, turned, and counted. One... Two... Three... Three oak trees.

For there are three that bear

record in heaven, the Father,

the Word, and the Holy Ghost:

and these three are one.

- 1 John 5:7

Staring at the oak tree, I smiled; I gloried; I wondered.

My heart was singing.

O Sing unto the Lord a new song,

for he hath done marvellous things:

his right hand, and his holy arm hath

gotten him the victory.

- Psalm 98:1

Morning Has Broken

2010-01-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

I expected it to be a rather gloomy day when I went out to go to work a couple of days ago just because it was still so dark out the windows, and then I saw grayish clouds as soon as I opened the door. But when I came around the corner of the house, looking toward the southeast, I saw a sky full of white, fluffy clouds, outlined in golden light as the sun shone through them like an answered prayer.

The photo does not at all do justice to this gorgeous gathering of clear blue sky, white cottony clouds, and rays of golden light.

Beautiful! my soul breathed, in praise to the Lord. Like an answered prayer.

How wonderful He is to answer His children's questions and pleads for guidance and help. In big ways and small ones, He always answers my prayers: with confirmation and conviction in my heart, with the wise words of my brethren, with the fellowship and friendship of special friends, or with His quick and powerful Word.

I've experienced and heard stories of the ways God has answered our need for Him, His presence, His wisdom, His power to save and fight for us, His kind and merciful desire to minister to us. I am humbled ... and amazed.

God has graciously chosen to refresh my spirit and work in my heart in so many beautiful and powerful ways last year, in hard ways and gentle ways, through His Word, through His works, through His people.

Whatever it is: the perfect Scripture, a reprimand, a beautiful sight, an opportunity to minister, a lovely song, a stillness in my heart, a very long conversation with a very special friend (you know who you are if you're reading!)... in whatever way He chooses, He fulfills His promise.

On this first day of the new year, I praise the Lord for His faithfulness and trust in Him to continue HIs work for His glory in 2010!

Perfect Pictures

2009-12-31T10:08:00.000-08:00

The day before yesterday was a glorious day! The morning was cold but full of joyful light. I was taking a short walk down to the field doing some chores and heard the morning song of the birds along the way. I am so thankful God has put their music into my life. The staccato tweet of the red bird and the melodies of other birds often wake me up and fill the first moments of my days with their sweet and gentle sounds.

This morning, though, it was more than just the music filling my heart with gladness; it was the flashes of red before me.

There - up ahead in a clump of hedge by the fence between our field and the neighbor's, one of my red birds flitted through the air and then sat down on a convenient branch, flitting up and sitting back down over and over, showing off its beautiful red and crimson feathers against the greens and browns of the brush.

As long-time followers will know, God sends me red birds to remind me of His promises of love and mercy and to give me confirmation about some question in my prayers. This day, the confirmation was about seeking a mind renewed as only Christ can renew it - a mind re-framed to fully believe in God's sovereignty, to honor and praise Him, and to rejoice in all things; a mind full of lovely and pure thoughts, led by His Spirit, and pleasing to Him.

The red bird told me Yes, the battle for the purity and goodness of my mind, the battle to stay focused on serving, loving, and thanking God in every moment of every day is a battle worth fighting. The red bird reminded me, I am not alone in the fight because the only One who can win such a victory is fighting with me!*

Along the road to work that day, I saw two more red birds. One flew up from sitting by the side of the road, its movement drawing my eyes in that direction. The other flew from one side of the road to the other, giving a perfect picture of its deep red color right before my windshield. It amazed me once again to think God takes the time to work in even such a small "detail" of my life to lead and encourage me!

*A sister's blog post also confirmed and gave me some insight on this journey of renewing the mind. Click here to read more.

Prayer, Praise, and Teachers in Unexpected Places

2009-12-29T05:58:00.000-08:00

As I learn more, see and read more things, meet new people, etc., I fluctuate between being excited and concerned. I'm excited about the wonderful work God is doing in the hearts and lives of His people, full of joy as I realize that I have a large family of believers in Christ who are all working and fighting in their separate corners of the world, just like me. I'm concerned about the work of the devil in disseminating lies all over the world: lies that distort the meaning of "God is love", that argue for accepting sin instead of hating evil and sharing a Gospel of repentance (Psalm 97:10, Proverbs 8:13, Romans 12:9, Luke 13:3, 24:46-47), that question the Truth of the Word, that misrepresent the Jesus Christ who is the only way to God, etc. BUT, though I often feel like getting on a stump about these things, I continue to strive for an attitude of praise and wonder in this blog for several reasons. For instance, the Word has strong instructions on how women are supposed to conduct themselves (not teaching or usurping authority over men, etc.), so while I'm seeking understanding on how I should live, I want to avoid teaching in these posts, leaving that to the many other children of God who do so as He guides, and focus more on sharing my story and my gratitude and awe of my wonderful Lord and Savior. Also, the Word reassures me that God is sovereign, that He is in control of all things and works all things according to His purpose, so I want to follow Paul's direction to encourage and exhort fellow believers as I interact with them, to witness to nonbelievers as they cross my path, but to ultimately place my faith and trust God, knowing that His powerful Holy Spirit will take care of the rest.

Over the past few months, many of you readers have become dear friends in Christ though I have never met you, and I try to lift you up in my prayers often. I want this to become even more a focus of my prayers, to intercede for you all, and I request that you pray for me as well...praying that we all stand firm in the faith and that we continue to hear the Truth and do it and do not become deceived by the many false teachers there are in the world!

With these thoughts already on my mind, I was following some references in some devotionals I was reading a couple of nights ago, and I started rereading portions of Proverbs and Psalms. The specific verses that I referenced above stood out to me as well-timed reminders. Reading Scriptures focused on the wisdom and knowledge that comes from God, I once again grew enamored with the beauty found in such understanding. The wisdom of the Lord is foolish to the world; Jesus even reminds us that God reveals His truth to those who are 'simple' by the world's definition. How wonderful that He shares His secrets with us who are disallowed indeed of men, but chosen of God and precious (1 Peter 2:4)! Sometimes, it's a kind of wisdom that is hard to hear and harder to heed as He teaches and chastises (Hebrews 12), but it is indeed beautiful!

I am so grateful to the Lord for teaching me through His Word and so many unexpected teachers. As I look over the past few months of my life, I am amazed at all the teachers that have come my way through bloggers, precious memories that surfaced in my mind, the ghosts of conversations that I didn't understand at the time but which offer astounding insight to me now, feelings of sorrow and inadequacy, feelings of great joy in His forgiveness and His adequacy, beautiful sights and sounds that my Lord created, and so many others.

I praise Him for His patience and mercy in teaching me! I praise Him for His judgment in showing me what's right! and I praise Him for and glory in His holy and just character!

It is a good thing to give thanks unto the LORD, and to sing praises unto thy name, O most High: To shew forth thy lovingkindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night, Upon an instrument of ten strings, and upon the psaltery; upon the harp with a solemn sound. For thou, LORD, hast made me glad through thy work: I will triumph in the works of thy hands. O LORD, how great are thy works! and thy thoughts are very deep. Psalm 92:1-5